Group work with women!

I do not like doing group assignments at all. And working in groups of all women makes it even worse (FYI I am female)!

In the fall of 2010, I will be returning to university as a mature student. I can pass for around 24 years old.

Why do I hate working in group assignments with other women? In fall of 2008, I was in a female dominated program and the girls/women were very catty, immature, mean, and loved to gossip (and bad mouth each other). It was like being trapped in junior high school! I couldn't believe how utterly mean and cruel the way some of these girls/women were behaving towards each other.

In one class, the instructor choose our group members. Well this didn't go over too well with some of the younger students. They would say out loud "I don't want to be in a group with her!". And often the person(s) that they didn't want in their group they hardly knew at all. I even receive some of it directed towards myself, I had the choice of joining one group or the other. As I turned my back away from the group I didn't choose to go with, I over heard a girl that was 19 years old say "I am glad she didn't choose our group!". I felt so low that day I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

Those girls/women should want to have me in their groups since I am hard working and get straight A's with a GPA of 3,8 out of 4.

How do I not let what these girls/women get the best of me with their maladaptive behaviors?

I have been told such things as you are there to learn and to ignore these mean people.

But I get so easily overwhelmed by their insensitive and rude remarks that I cannot focus on learning. I fall apart emotionally.

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Does anyone have advice, suggestions, comments, tips...etc on how to deal with girls/women that behave catty, immature, mean, and love to gossip when doing group assignments?

Is it absolutely essential to take these sort of classes for your degre? I ask because the first, and probably easiest, way to avoid the sort of situation you're talking about is to avoid classes where these sort of assignments are expected. During my entire undergraduate career I can recall only one such project and even that was only minimally group-ish (just a bunch of people assigned to work at a certain site together). In graduate school I haven't even had to talk to a classmate much less work with one. I, personally, do like to interact with others because my field is kind of esoteric and it's easy to get stuck on a problem, but there's no reason I couldn't avoid all human contact if I wanted. I think most programs are basically like this.

If you absolutely have no choice, the way to go is to get your responsibilities established as quickly as possible, take care of them, and lay low otherwise. If you step up immediately and ask what the leader (someone always takes on this role) what she would like you to do there will be no complaints. Basically, you just have to beat them to the punch so there is no grumbling about free-riding, etc. Once you know what you need to do for the project just get it done and get whatever you've done back to the group ASAP. Let the others know they can contact by email if they need more info/help and hightail it out of there until your next meeting or presentation. You don't have to hang out with these people.

Girls can be like that, without much regard or thought for others feelings. One of my lectures recently, I was sat next to these 2 girls who kept *****ing and slagging off people in our lecture theatre, just picking out random people and ripping them to pieces. I felt so uncomfortable but couldn't move seat! It gave a bad impression, because it was week one and it left me thinking 'geez is this how it's going to be? I thought students were meant to be open minded.' Since then though I have met some really decent people (quite a few of them mature students!). You know why you're there, to learn. They are fresh outta school and approach the whole thing differently. The ones conducting themselves in this manner are still immature. Some students appreciate/respect an older student. In my tutorials mature students are treated well and we tend to think they will be more focused and interested in the course. Hopefully you will find some students there with some common goals who you can bond with. These girls sound like they should still be in the playground. Who knows by next year, they might o dropped out, or wised up.

I hope you can hold your head high and plough through, you have a lot to offer and if a few can't see it, it is there loss. I'm sure you'll have some better experiences soon and it'll all look rosey!

ugh, yes. i was a "returning student" as well. I was old enough to be their mom. group work was painful. I'd try to hook up with at least one other older female, or someone who seems invested in working hard. enrolling in evening classes is best since you'll find the most oldies there.

you can't avoid this problem sadly. Here's a few techniques I used. I considered it a teaching opportunity. show them by example another way to act. when they put someone down, try asking, "i wonder why that person is like that - what do think their childhood was like?". help them develop empathy.

or try using humor, "wow - do you guys like ANYONE?" or, heck...just change the subject.

good luck!!

I cannot change or drop classes. The program decides our schedule...etc. I just feel so overwhelmed, dejected, stressed out, and sad at the thought of having to work with such girls/women. This is university not junior high school!

Define who you are by who they are not.....you are Zen, loveable Zen who helps people here at PC and has wonderful traits((((Zen))) People have said soooooo many cruel things about me, but I know deep, deep down what is true about me, I do not say mean things, do mean things, do wonderful things instead.....your very future is forming Zen, do not look back now...look in the mirror and list all your great things about you ((you)) You were created by a higher power that makes no mistakes, and I am glad you are here at PC.....you are actually above those girls, they are not above you...but who's counting..just walk with grace, dignity, you are a student and your world is just enfolding, take a deep breath and love yourself, you is all you really have or anyone really has so take care of YOU I am sensitive too but I fight it, fight it, and make lists of all my good traits...your list is going to be long ((((((ZEN)))))

I would wait and see what this new semester brings. Could be a different set of girls who don't all act that way. Maybe work from the beginning of any class with group work to get to know one or two girls well enough so you won't mind working with them and they with you?

I've seen girls gossip and act quite immature to one another in university. Yesterday while I was working on one of my research papers in the evening at campus, there were 3 girls having a pretty loud verbal fight over petty things, such as whining about clothing, about other girls and guys, etc... .

Sadly, in the first-year of university, it's still pretty much like high-school. This goes less and less as you get to the upper years although it still occurs there. One of the courses I'm in, a third-year biology course has us to dissections on numerous animals and we're pair ourselves into groups of four on the first day of labs and stick with that group. Unfortunately, one of the group members gets to be a bit gossipy but not too much. The group near us though is pretty much just noise with gossiping and sadly, it's a 3 hour lab (sometimes longer). It gets a bit irritating because you have to dissect very delicately when examining the individual muscles and separating them from others.

If you cant ignore it, then take it as a confidence-booster. If you have a high GPA, then they may not and so despite their bickering, you have something that matters a lot more: a high GPA and determination. You can also try to remember that you're going to pass the year and the courses while they may not. Also, you can take their criticisms of you as a reason to work harder.

If you're going to talk to them, you can either begin by some basic humour or just do your work and if you wish, try to in a discrete way, reveal a mark you got on a certain test, quiz, course, etc... if it's a high one. While it may not get them to stop gossiping, it may put you in a different light because now they may see you as a very intelligent person. You may work hard but they may have no idea that you do but once this is revealed, more people are going to want to be in a group with you because despite you being older, you're a lot more intelligent (i.e. higher GPA and marks) and that's what people want.

You can try to lead by example if you wish, however, I ignore gossiping people even when it's about me and simply let them fend for themselves with low marks. Once they realize it's not high-school and as the course gets harder, they're going to be more willing to go with you although their gossiping may still continue.

I am no longer in school but I have ran into this situation at work many times. Yes it can wear you down If you chose to own their immaturity. SADLY The best way that I have handle it is to learn to laugh it drives them nuts because they can no longer control your reactions. Do you remember the flip charts that you could create you own animal or person? Wellll we started puting animal faces on them. It got to the point that some even asked what are you smilling about ? But it was ok for me because I was there to do my job and to take ownership of what was mine to keep.When we were in the military this sentince was our motto it is an arcrenim
Be In Total Control of Herself. now we mean no offence but that is what we were called by the guys in our unit. It was a sign of respect with them because we known we could count on each other. good luck