[silentandscared]

My daughter is 11 years old and has just started at her new school. In the uk the children leave their first school so leaving behind many of there friends. My youngest child goes into school early and this allows me to still drop off my daughter and her school.So l still take her and pick her up each day.
The problem seems to be actually going in first thing in the morning as when l collect her she is chatty and appears cheerful. I ask her about her day and she says it's been 'alright' (which l think means it was good) but then as the night progresses she develops headaches, tummy aches etc. Unitl today l have given her a pill and still taking her anyway hoping that this is just an adjustment period but then today she refused the pill for her tummy ache saying it wont help anyway but she ended up sobbing in the car.
With the best will in the world l can't send her in when she is so obviously distressed, so l parked outside the school and tried to talk to her but to no avail. I told her l needed to let the school know that she wouldnt be in and she didnt want me to go in but l told her l had to. While l was in there l spoke with her head of year and explained how the last two weeks have been and my concerns..............so we have agreed that l will take my daughter in at 8.15 am tomorrow to discuus with the head of year and my daughter what the problem is and wether it is just an adjustment time for her.
As a family we have all been through so much since nov ............breakup of my marriage, house being repossessed, death of her grandfather and now her dad has a new girlfriend...............Is starting a new school just the last straw for my daughter????????? i'm so scared that all of her stability has gone to pot, she seems to have lost all her confidence and seems that she needs to be next to me
How do l help her get those precious carefree days back.............as a mom l am struggling so any ideas, suggestions, comments anything would be greatly appreciated. Have you been in this situation / or was there something that your mom could have done to help you

please anyone................................l dont want her to hurt like this

sas

I posted this in the parents part as well but put it here in case you miss it.

Can you offer her another school ? A new start elsewhere may help .

Some therapy may be needed as well as she has had alot to deal with over the past year.

Just a thought but..
How about asking the head of year if there is another child having problems and letting them two get together maybe even put them in the same class ?

[Perna]

I guess you have to wait and see what the problem appears to be before you can address it. It could be something having to do with school itself (bullying or some subject/teacher that is giving her problems) or with something else in her life.

Did you and the head learn anything this morning?

[nickycdv]

Please please go in and talk to the school. They need to know how your daughter is feeling. Don't forget secondary is a whole different regime and with so many staff now involved with her education they might not be seeing her anxiety. If she is being bullied it needs stamping on quick and unless parents tell them the school may not know. A lot of secondary's have learning mentors who are trained to support pupils with worries and anxiety so ring and ask who you should speak to. you should be put through to someone who can help. Hope it goes well.
Nx

[lone_twin4]

You sound like a good and attentive parent

I wouldn't jump straight to changing schools, as it does sound like maybe the stress of the things you described might be getting to her. Even so, after I moved schools I hated it at first, I wouldn't go in - my poor mum, I begged her to let me change schools! The best thing she did was to not let me change, but we agreed to wait out until half term to see if things improved, and they did. If you like the school head and the tutors and counsellors, they will be really valuable to your daughter also. Maybe she could also talk to someone outside of school about the other stuff in your lives, like bereavement counsellors etc?

Adolescence is pretty intense and difficult sometimes, and your daughter is just on the cusp. Is she sleeping right, or has she started her periods?

Some schools do a good mentor scheme for kids who have troubles settling in. My school had mentors for everyone, and even though my mentor and I weren't best friends forever, her help reduced stress because I didn't have to worry too much about where the classrooms were, how to get my books etc.