[byfnvy]

I don't know what to do. I'm one of those who most people would hate (though I don't think my friends hate me), because I always get high grades without too much effort while almost everyone else is struggling and just hoping to pass.

I do help them when they ask, though sometimes it wears me out, or I feel too lazy to really do a good job teaching them. I feel selfish when I do this though. Sometimes I try to be selfless and have the mentality that it doesn't matter if I fail as long as they do okay, but when it comes down to it, I end up looking out for myself over them and I come out on top.

Anyway, a lot of times they do understand better when I explain to them, but when the test comes, I fail them. Even those who understand the lesson get tripped up when it comes to the exams. I just learned today that another friend (who I don't teach) failed his exam. I had seen him studying and felt that he did get the lesson, but.. well, it's not an uncommon story.

I used to like math (yeah, I usually like things / people, i.e. teachers, a lot of others hate), but I'm having mixed feelings. I don't know how to help them, or if I can even be committed enough to help them. It's so sad. It sucks.

[Perna]

Their success is not your problem, you have to learn for you, as well as you can.

I use to tutor friends. I still remember in high school, my best friend would sneak me into her house, she wasn't supposed to have visitors in the evening on weekdays, and I'd tutor her; we had the same teacher so were on the same lessons. But I never did my homework or studied so she actually did better than I did on tests because she worked at it whereas the only time I looked at the material was when I wasn't daydreaming in class and tutoring her, I'd figure it out (but not remember it; trig :-)

Everyone is more complicated than just learn/don't learn, pass/fail. There's lots else going on in a person's life that we can't begin to understand (look how well we don't understand ourselves :-) My friend was over-achieving and I was under-achieving but the "reasons" are way too complicated to be able to understand someone else.

Do the best you can; it won't always be that easy and getting in the habit of just vaguely studying to get by can turn around and bite you in the future (been there, done that). I got 15-20 years down the road before I realized I'd screwed up and not taken the "right"/enough math at University to be able to do/understand what I wanted to try.

[Travelinglady]

Obviously, I didn't have the social issues, since I was the teacher, but I was bothered, believe it or not, when I tried to give students extra help after class and they still failed. We do have to realize that some kids just have test anxiety and other problems that keep them from performing well.

You are to be commended for your willingness to help your peers. Of course, though, your grades do need to come first. You're not selfish for thinking that!

Math is a tough subject for lots of folks. My son is a high school senior and is being paid for tutoring math (through the learning center) at the local community college, since he's also taking courses there.

Are there any professional tutoring services around for your peers?

[(JD)]

I think you're good to try and help, but many ppl just want others to tell them quickly and easily, and they don't practice what they think they've learned and by test time, they've forgotten.

Please don't overload yourself trying to help them. They need to learn now to ask the teacher for help, or pay for a tutor, while they are young, or when they are older they will still expect others to help them get by.

Get your grades. Who knows, when you excel and have that great job, you might have an opportunity to hire someone in your class behind you.

[byfnvy]

Hmm, I guess I understand your points. There are some people who really are just lazy, but there are also those who work really hard, but it just doesn't translate to grades. Grades shouldn't be what's important, but in our setting, they kind of are, and I feel bad being able to breeze by while people who actually deserve to do well are having such a hard time. It feels like really grave injustice, but as they say, life is unfair. Sigh.

I did consider at some time that I was letting them become dependent on me, and I told myself that they would be able to find other sources or figure it out without me. I have become less available than before, like spending less time online where people could conveniently pm me to ask about some topic. I guess they do seem less needy despite still struggling, but I kind of feel less human(?) or something, not caring as much.
(Last year it got pretty bad and cheating out of desperartion / laziness was quite rampant, that's why I wanted to teach them so they wouldn't resort to it. Also so that those who actually studied wouldn't be at a disadvantage to those who cheated.)

About the tutoring thing, I think they are usually for lower maths, and a lot of my friends are actually tutors themselves for high school or freshman students. No one really tutors for higher math. As for asking the teachers, some of my friends did go for consultation recently and said the teacher (who everyone thinks is an *** - I don't) was no help. He expects them to figure certain stuff out for themselves, when the whole point of them consulting is that they can't figure out that part.