[lxegirl]

So i want to major in criminal justice or criminology, also possibly forensic science. i want to be some kind of officer, or have a job in CSI or the FBI. It would be awesome and i think i'd absolutely love it. My mom thinks that its not going to get me a job or anything. but i think its a good field- the justice system always needs people in it...its not like i'm going to be an artist or writer or something which doesn't exactly guarantee anything. My mom wants me to major in engineering. I don't like engineering; i went to a program at UVM that focused on different types of engineering, and i wasn't too into it. She said i could minor in what i want to major in, but i dont want to major in something i'm not passionate about and would not enjoy.

I tried to talk to her about maybe doing biochemical science or something or other, but she wants me to do engineering! i'm not creative and the best analytical problem! i want to help people directly. not just make stuff for people that they won't even remember me for. I want her to be satisfied with my choice- she is the one paying, unless i get alot of scholarships. How could i make a deal with her?

lxegirl,

You may not be able to make a deal with your mother. You have to follow your dreams for yourself not her dreams for you. If you don't like the major that she is choosing for you then you will not put forth as much effort as you would for a major that you would enjoy. Look into qualifications for the fbi and cia and come back with some strong evidence for your side of the argument. Show her that you are researching your career choice and that may help her feel more comfortable with what you do choose. I don't personally think it matters if she's paying for your education it doesn't give her the right to dictate your future. Just because she paid for you all eighteen years so far didn't give her the right to dress you for 18 years or brush your teeth or anything for that matter besides the basic parenting of setting curfew, allowances and so forth. So forge ahead in your independance. Eventually she will respect you for knowing who you are and what you want to do.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[autie4lyf]

you should follow your heart and what you feel is right for you. its not her choice what you do as a career its only yours and what your good at. i wouldnt do anything that you dont want to do.

[lxegirl]

i know, i just dont want her to resent me. she already kinda hates me.

[Elana05]

lxegirl,

I know how you feel. I struggle with this too. I SO want my parents to give me their "blessing" about what I do. It is really hard to even imagine not trying to get their approval but... Try to remember this is your life you're talking about. She isn't the one doing this. How would you ever enjoy any of your classes if you are there for someone else? There will come a point a few months or years in where only thing that keeps yougoing in school is the interest in what you are studying. Believe me. Even when it is something very interesting to you -- there are still going to be some mad boring classes. Maybe things like old cases from the 60's or arcane information regarding law enforcement.... The only thing you have is that little flicker of interest that got you there in the first place, which will carry you. So if this was a whole field you didn't even like? It just doesn't work that way. If she likes engineering... She could go back to school and study it.

ps. what better reason to do what interests you? you don't want to waste money so you want to get as close as you can to your own interests the first time.

[PleaseHelp]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

That being said I would like to share with you my own personal experience. I always strived to please my parents. I never got the approval I wanted. When it was time for me to go to college they wanted me to go to a certain school and study biology to become a Physical Therapist. I wanted to go to different college and wanted to study something related to children and helping them. I was so obsessed with pleasing them that I did go to the college they wanted (for 2 years) and for 3 1/2 years I did study biology & chemistry (luckily I had some interest in it). I transfered to the school I wanted to b/t my sophmore and junior year. I liked it so much better. It took me until almost the end of my junior year to finally stand up for myself and go into the career I wanted. It was very hard to do, but I wish I had done it sooner. I did get the degree I wanted. But I never did get their full approval. In fact I have never gotten their full approval on anything. (My parents did not pay ONE penny in my education)

My advice to you is to go into the field you want to go into. Do some research, make sure it's what you want. See if you can do some sort of job shadowing. Bring this all to your mom. Let her know that you really want to go into crimonlogy, also let her know that her approval means alot to you. But in the end it's your decision. Please do what is going to make you happy and not someone else.

Sorry for the long post. Hope that it helps some.

[DenimSupergirl]

Hey, I've been in a very similar situation myself. I am majoring in Psychology but my mom had wanted me to major in computer stuff. I'm not interested in computers as much as I am with Psychology, so I stoodup to my mom and I told her I am going to major in Psychology. And now, I'm currently proving her wrong that I will not get somewhere wih a Psychology degree. The reason for that situation is that my mom majored in Psychology but did not persue it because of her mother.

You just gotta know what your passionate about and it sounds like you do. Just follow your dreams and you'll get farther. Just prove your mother wrong. You'll be happier for it than if you did what your mother wanted you to do.

I hope this helps.

[chlorophyll]

Good suggestions up there! As for making a deal with your mum, here are some suggestions to get her off your back (and possibly to convince her to still pay for you)

Choose the degree you want and tell her that if you don't like it after a year, you'll switch to something else (but don't say that you will switch to Engineering or she will expect it)

While taking your basic classes (fresh and soph), take ONE introductory class in Engineering alongside introductory criminology and justice. Just one, not any more than that. Show her that you're looking at other options, including the one she suggested (but you know really you wont pursue it. Sounds like a waste of time, but at least she's still pay!)

Say you will major in Criminology and minor in Engineering, and you'll switch them round if you later prefer Engineering to Criminology (but when it comes down to it, half way through your degree you probably would have proved to her how much you like Criminology and you won't be minoring in Engineering anymore.)

Or... you could go it alone. Hard choice when you're young, in full time education and need to pay tuition. If that does anything, it may prove to her after a year of struggling with it that you're determined to pursue YOUR dream, and not let her live through you. Then she'd probably jump back on the wagon and pay or you but I'd use this as a last resort.

Whichever route you choose, either based on all our suggestions in this thread or your own, good luck with it! There should be a way round, and showing your maturity in making decisions should make sure she won't hate you for it.