Freshman Year of College, but Why?

I'm in my freshman year and thought that was what I wanted but now I'm not so sure. All of a sudden I don't really know anything about me or any one else that I thought I did. Even my fiance is being weird. I don't understand what's wrong with me. School is everything to my family and I thought it was to me too but now I am tired. Tired of constantly being that kid that is on top of everything and getting every bit of extra credit to help get grants and scholarships. I want to be in school but I also want something else. I don't know what, but something else. The path I'm on is college, marriage, and children on our ranch in Alabama. The average perfect home life. I know no one can make the decisions for me and it's not very bright to drop out but just what if I did? Just what if?

Welcome to growing up. All your life you have been taught X (college, marriage, children on the ranch in Alabama) and now you are in a different environment where you can see more of the world.

You do not have to wholly abandon the path you are on to enrich your life and get more from it. You can learn about yourself and explore your interests in that path if you want; that's where imagination and creativity come in.

I would start with a lot of reading, mostly fiction, see if I can discover other subjects/interests I have and get a better idea of the size and shape of me Do some experimenting with reading books about subjects you don't think you "like"; a novel about a New York City girl, a California surfer dude, divorced women, single fathers, etc.

Maybe you could get a part-time job instead of a grant/scholarship; rearrange some of your time so you work versus do the extra credit? Experiment within the system.

My college roommate was a math major; her older brother was a math professor at a big Eastern university. She became engaged to a man who was going to be a minister so changed her major to home economics and minored in math instead. She knew they would not have a whole lot of money and she'd want to make some of her own clothes, do a lot of cooking, etc. I don't know what you are majoring in but you could play with that too; see if you have other interests and can figure out how they would be helpful running a ranch or raising children, etc.

My college roommate is a part-time accountant now (she's 60). We look ahead and think we see the path but Life doesn't work the way we "plan" for it; we cannot tell the future so it is a good idea to learn as much as we can about ourselves and our interests and abilities and what we think we might want or need to know that we currently lack, to help with possibilities in the future.

Even if an interest does not seem "practical" right now, it could be important later; I've had that experience in my life. But the key is getting to know yourself and that can be done right where you are; doesn't require more tools than yourself and what you have now.