[bluekitty04]

Okay, I have a problem. I've had this problem since I was 5 but I've still not fixed it. What is my problem? The shyness within me is eating me from the inside-out.

I am a middle-schooler and I have no friends. I'm just too shy... People think I'm depressing, polite, intellectual, quiet, a 'goodie-goodie' and simply just too boring to be with.

I know that sometimes I seem cold on the outside but that's just how my face is. An emotionless empty boring face. Everytime I smile I have a habit of covering my mouth, and I simply don't know why.

I have straight A's, no trouble with my studies at all. My most hated subject? Lunch. I always sit alone and I have that painful stinging feeling in my heart. I want to learn how to make friends. I'm just too shy and I hate it.

[Raindropvampire]

I was and am still very shy. I decided one day when I was about 20 that I could keep being shy and terrified to talk to people or I could change. So I just faced my fear and now I jump feet first into conversations. It's embarrassing because I blush really bad and most people ask if I'm ok. I just answer honestly and tell them I'm really shy and talking to them is hard and I'm embarrassed. Most people admit they are shy too to a certain degree. I'm made some good friends since i decided to open up. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find your own way to deal with being shy.

[IceCreamKid]

Are you the shyest in your school? At lunchtime maybe you could see if you can find another student who looks sad and alone and go sit next to him or her and say "hello, I think I will sit here next to you." If you don't get a spark from that person, try another person the next day.

[Perna]

I would try to join the fringe of a group/club or ask my Mom to get me lessons in X outside school and try to speak to one or two people in that smaller/less formal environment. Or, I would take up instrument/join the chorus, a group where I would have to interact. Can you force yourself to ask someone you admire to be your partner the next assignment that requires a partner at school? I would try talking to the person next to you in homeroom or a class before it starts, just some comments about the homework or borrow their notes or something?

Go with your mother to the grocery store to help and talk/interact with the clerk; get in the habit of talking to safe strangers like that who you won't see again/any time soon and it will help your courage and you might find it easier to start to talk to others at school.

[roads]

Hey there, bluekitty04! I'm a shy one too. Not fun.

I took some detours in my life's path after high school and I ended up majoring in theater in college. That's where I found a way out or around my shyness. Being a theater major, I had to take an acting class AND be in a play. AKK!! But as it happened, in spite of terminal stage fright (that's an actor's term for shyness), I got my degree.

It's like jumping in the swimming pool, "feet first" as Raindropvampire says, when you walk on stage--or into a room of strangers, or your classmates are in happy little groups, having lunch & none waiting for you to join them. And IceCreamKid outlines a good script. Look around at the other kids in your class. Is there somebody else who isn't connected?

By giving you a script, IceCreamKid has given you focus. That's the key!

When you go into the room, you know what you're going to say (more or less), and you know where you're going--who you're going to talk to, the other character.

So you're not really jumping into the pool, risking death by drowning!! You're not making a fool of yourself--you don't panic. I have a coworker who puts her hand in front of her mouth and is trying to break herself of that; she says she does it because she feels like she should stop talking most of the time. Her husband is always telling her she says stupid things. I looked on your profile page and saw that your brothers bully you a lot. Maybe that relates to why you cover your mouth when you talk. I don't know--you'd have to talk to a therapist about that.

This acting approach feels really phony, at least it did to me at first--& it still does. Oh yes, I still have to "fake it till I make it"! So do a lot of veteran performers. Terminal stage fright, or shyness, is part of the human condition. Working on it is no more difficult than being shy is, but the payoff--I promise you--is a lot better.

Take best care of you, bluekitty.

Roadie

[bluekitty04]

Thanks for all the advice....Sometimes it feels as though I am the most shy at my school. I know another girl who doesn't talk much like me and sits alone. She likes anime(like me), she's asian(like me), and quiet(again, like me.) We have a lot in common but sometimes I wonder if she wants to be left alone...then again, people probably think the same about me. I guess I can sit near her next time at lunch. Geez, I'm much too shy! I'll try to talk to her or at least say 'hi'.

I've decided to join chorus next year. Apparently, the school counsuler found out about my 'cutting' and suggested it. Maybe it will help.

My brothers are actually a big part of this. When I was young, the only time they would talk to me was to make fun of me. Everything I said seemed to have offended them, maybe that's why I'm afraid to talk. I might offend somebody. I've always been ignored and overshadowed...

I have a particular public place where I laugh and feel more comfortable at. Tae-Kwon-Doe. I like it there, I have 3 potential people whom I can become friends with. Although I laugh and smile often there, I still barely ever talk.

Thanks for replying everyone... I hope your problems get solved as well.