[bluedolphin92]

I'm starting to regret that I go to college so close to home. I live on campus during the school year but my house is only about 30-45 minutes away so I still end up seeing my parents most weekends. Either they come to me and we go out to dinner, or I go home for the entire weekend.

Problem is, my parents...well, they're boring. I love them and have always been close to them, but I'm just starting to realize how different we are. I feel pressured to go home at least once a month since I'm so close to home, but then when I do we never do anything. We might go to a movie or go grocery shopping or something but that is literally ALL we ever do. For the most part they just stay at home and do nothing. But then they get upset when I spend time in my room when I'm at home, even though we'd just be watching TV and probably not even talking too much.

I just feel that if I were to be further from home, it would make the time I am able to be there more special. I would be able to have more time at school on the weekends for myself, and then hopefully on breaks spend real quality time with them.

Problem is, I'm already half way done with school. I've done some looking into it and it's certainly too late to transfer before the fall semester. So I'd basically have to wait to transfer with only 3 semesters left. Is it even worth it at that point? A lot of the stuff I've already completed may not even be able to transfer, so I'd probably have to stay in school longer. How can I cope with this wanting to get further from home?

[RomanSunburn]

Have you thought about the possibility of transferring to a school that has a bachelors plus masters degree 5 year program? It depends on what your major it and what you'd like to do after school, but you should investigate and see if that would be an option. Yeah, you'd probably be in school a bit longer, maybe even longer than the 5 years, but at the end, you'd have two degrees and you'd feel more like you've lived on your own and therefore more prepared for "real" life.

Going to college away from home was probably the second best decision I ever made (the best being moving 20 hours away from home with my (now) husband). You do need to take into account student loans and changes in tuition and how financially responsible it would be, but I think it would be worth it. But that's just my opinion.

Good luck!

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Have you thought about the possibility of transferring to a school that has a bachelors plus masters degree 5 year program? It depends on what your major it and what you'd like to do after school, but you should investigate and see if that would be an option. Yeah, you'd probably be in school a bit longer, maybe even longer than the 5 years, but at the end, you'd have two degrees and you'd feel more like you've lived on your own and therefore more prepared for "real" life.

Going to college away from home was probably the second best decision I ever made (the best being moving 20 hours away from home with my (now) husband). You do need to take into account student loans and changes in tuition and how financially responsible it would be, but I think it would be worth it. But that's just my opinion.

Good luck!

I'm a psychology major, and my plan right now is to pursue an advanced degree, so a program like that would be a possibility. Do you know how difficult it is to be accepted into such a program? My overall GPA right now is decent (Though my freshman year I was in a major that was simply not a good fit for me, which hurt my GPA some), and major GPA is a 4.00. I don't have any work experience or extracurricular activities, though. I know that post-bachelor's PhD programs have some pretty high standards for acceptance, so I hope the combined bachelor's/master's programs would be somewhat easier =/

Also, I don't really know how to tell my parents. I think I've been depressed for awhile now (No official diagnosis, but I certainly feel it). And as far as they know, I'm perfectly happy at my current school. I've kept the fact that I'm not really happy there hidden from everyone (Even myself up until recently, so it's hard to say how long I've felt this way). I don't know how I could explain that to them. Plus, I think I'd like to get out of state. I love my parents but at times they can be downright clingy (my mom especially). I feel like they'd be really upset by me moving so far away. I know they'll have to learn how to deal with it eventually but I don't know how they'd handle it right now.

Like I said, I know it's too late to transfer before the fall semester right now anyway. I would have to wait until spring. I will continue to research it though, see how doable it actually is. And who knows, maybe next year things will be better (Though I told myself that last summer and look where I am now =/)

[Fresia]

I know a change of pace and a new environment can be helpful sometimes but if suspect depression, depression can play tricks in that it has us searching for things outside of ourselves that might make us feel better and looking for something more. When instead there are things inside of us that are wanting help and it won't make a difference where we go, unless we get help; then it can make it harder to throw a change in environment or circumstances into the mix. If it is truly depression.

See if there is counseling service on campus or if you can talk to your folks to get their help in finding someone you could go to for therapy (as they may surprise you with support no matter what your decision if honest with them). You are not alone in this either way, the help is there for the asking. it would be helpful to try to get some help with this now to sort things out so that way you are making a decision based on what you truly want and not clouded by something that might/could be depression.

The other helpful thing is to make a pros and cons list, of both schools, the one you are at and the one you are thinking of going to and see where they overlap and what doesn't. Also, include things like credits gained or lost, environment, finances, access to home and friends, activities, etc. when you make your list.

I wish you well meanwhile as I know this can be hard when not happy where you are and trying to decide the place to be. Good luck and hang in there!

[winter4me]

I like Fresia's response. You may also find other ways to decrease the time at home by doing other things on weekends (go somewhere and do things) alone or with friends. Take up a hobby (photo? drawing?) that can get you out of doors and going places to enjoy... Become a walker, hiker....biker....
And when you do go on with your education, or take a job, take the opportunity to go farther away. You can tell your parents why if you like or just start to move out and away as you grow and develop your own life.

[Perna]

I think you have a bit of a grass-is-greener idea of what living closer/further away from home would be like. If your parents do "nothing" now when you visit, it won't get more exciting when you visit in the future.

I'd try to list things I'd rather do than sit in my room when I'm home (that's less boring than your parents are, sitting at home?) and suggest them, see if I can sell my parents on them. Do you have friends at school? I'd bring a couple home for a weekend (I brought some from my dorm and my stepmother taught us how to play bridge and we enjoyed playing that in the dorm from then on). Look into what plays or other shows the school is putting on and get tickets and have your parents come to the performance?

I was in a similar situation and was comforted (too much perhaps) that my parents were so close and when I graduated college I had to live at home again for awhile until I got a job and my stepmother and I made me hurt and angry enough I figured out how to move out :-) But still, for all the time (10+ years) after graduating that I lived alone, I went to my parents for dinner, etc. and. . . cried all the way back to my lonely apartment :-( Make friends and interact with people at school and learn to communicate and interact with your parents; none of that has anything to do with how near/far you are to them.

Think of personal relational patterns now and how you can change them to what you would prefer rather than trying to get the "outside" to change.

[JustDontAsk]

You say that you're pretty close with your parents, which I think is totally awesome...I would maybe try talking to them about two different things. One being how you feel about visiting, and the second being about how you are feeling.

I chose a school two and a half hours away from my hometown. It's far enough away, yet close enough just in case. But I want to get away, I need to focus on me, I need to get better.

Many schools have counseling services. I would check into that. If not, maybe see if you can get to another place to see a psychologist or therapist.

It will help to take care of you, which is really critical for being the best you can be (I'm finding that out now).

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose.