[Nobodyatall823]

I’ve been to a few different therapists and I’ve gained understanding from each but I feel like I’m still having a tough time dealing with my mild depression and perfectionistic tendencies and I’m not sure what or who I need to best improve my life.

I've had bouts of depression recently after a somewhat traumatic and difficult experience in school. I've felt like my power has been stripped from me and I've been feeling less confident than before. It isn’t consistently extreme or overwhelming, but it comes out strongly in spurts and I find it difficult to predict when and why it will occur. I’ve taken a year off from school to recover and ready myself but I fear what will happen as next fall approaches and I have to return to school. In general I feel a sense of nothingness, as I have few friends, have few hobbies that I enjoy, and all of my ambitions, abilities, and life plans have come into question. I’m not sure what will keep me going when school tests my strength again.

For this year my main goal is build myself up and empower myself again. Through therapy I’ve gained a certain sense of awareness and I’ve come to realize what events in my past have caused my current issues. I had some medical issues growing up, which isolated me and probably gave me a need to compensate and prove myself to both others and myself. I did this through school, but as time went on and classes got tougher, I found it harder to find the empowerment I needed.

I want to find this empowerment within myself somehow but I’m not sure what steps to take to find it. I found traditional psychotherapy left me with a new sense of clarity, which has helped me tremendously but after a good few months already it still has yet to give me all of the strength I needed. I’ve also tried CBT though only once or twice. I admit I looked at it cynically but the de-emphasis on my past and its smaller scale look at things made it seem too trite and temporary to provide long-lasting improvement. Is there some combination of the two that would give me both progress and depth? Or should I search for other methods entirely? Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance to everyone who responds. I’m just confused about what I'm looking for.

[Little Lulu]

Maybe the type of therapy you use isn't as important as having a therapist you have a good relationship with lined up before you re-enter school so you have the support need. It sounds like you have already done the work to recognize the issues you are dealing with. That is half the battle. Good job and best wishes.

[kim_johnson]

Hi,

Is part time study an option for you? I say this because I started back part time after a year out. I thought I could sort myself out in a year and then start back at school all better... But I learned that I actually needed to be doing something at school to have a reason to be on track (if that makes sense). Part time study took up all the time there was... But I felt much more confident and in control. It helped me feel better about myself... And it meant I found it easier to get through a full time workload further down the track.

Does your school offer counseling? I say this because sometimes schools offer counseling and they are explicit about the intention being to focus on school performance as much as possible. In other words... School counseling might be perfect since their aim and your aim are in alignment.

[Rose76]

I think you're putting too much reliance on therapy. You can't think your way to self-empowerment. I was in a similar boat as you at your stage of life. If you're not working, try to get a job. Learning to hold down a job is one of the most self-empowering things you can do.

If what education you now have doesn't get you much of a job, that might inspire you to tackle school with extra determination. It can be depressing to discover that a lot of what goes in to making a life is boring and tedious effort, but that's how it is. Best to just start doing it.

Succeeding at accomplishing something that's an effort to get done is about the only way self-empowerment comes about.