I can't take it anymore...

I just started my 17th semester (9th year) of college (total, I took a year off between year 7 and 8) and I just can't take it anymore. I can't take the feeling of being useless and worthless (as in I can't have a full time decent paying job on top of a full time graduate degree) or the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I only have 3 more semesters after this semester, but I just can't take it anymore…high anxiety and panic attacks. I'm made to feel inferior to my peers who end up being my teachers sometimes and I (among others) have not received the funding we were promised from the school. But there's nothing we can do about it…

I really am passionate about the subject I'm in but I find college so demeaning and terrible. I rarely made friends in the past, but now I really don't know how. I'm almost always excluded socially because of food allergies or I'm not on Facebook, so there's only one person I can socialize with.

I'm in therapy, but that's only once a week…I have no way to cope with this hell I'm in. There's nothing to look forward to afterwards either because the job market is so bleak and I have no idea how to navigate it, so I'll probably end up doing a low paying job in another field. Or even worse…end up having to live with my parents my entire life. I can't take care of myself. I was never allowed to even learn how to.

Should I just drop out and throw away all that money spent on the current degree or continue to suffer now so I don't have to go back later and start over?

I should also say that most of my peers are employed by the university, but for some reason, I'm not good enough for that.

Hi there. I am sorry you are tiring of college. Here is another alternative that can give one the satisfaction of completing a degree and not losing credits from other institutions.
Excelsior College | Excelsior College

I don't work for them but I know people ready to give up and they got a degree without feeling like they could not finish. Look at what credits you have, you may have enough now for a degree in what you are studying. Sounds like you may be in grad school so not sure if they would help, but great for undergrad.

Unfortunately, I'm a doctoral student so places like Excelsior isn't going to help. They also don't seem to offer any degrees in my field.

If I could find a way to manage my performance and social anxiety, maybe it would be fine. My anxiety as it is now will make it impossible for me to ever get a job or sustain a relationship anyway…so it has to magically change somehow or my life will not be worth living.

I just don't want it to continue to be miserable for the next two years or have me waiting for the summer so I can actually work…which seems strange to look forward to.

I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea in the first place? I guess I thought I might have self esteem with a doctorate…but of course not.

I felt so much shame when I got my undergrad degrees. And I felt so depressed and hopeless (and frankly, suicidal) when I got my Masters. How horrible am I going to feel when I finish a doctorate? But I'll still have nothing if I quit now, so there's no good answer.

How come getting your undergrad and masters made you feel depressed just out of interest?

For my undergrad I didn't feel like I deserved the degree, like I didn't really "earn" it if that makes sense. Like I wasn't good enough to have that degree.

For my masters, I had no idea how to get a job in my career field and no one really had advice…just go do temporary jobs (in another field) or something. It just felt like my life was over as I had no idea how to get the sort of job I wanted. It felt like all that work was just going to get me a minimum wage job somewhere in another field. It just felt like I was good at a couple of things…that I had no idea how to convert into a living and no one was willing to help me.

I have a better idea now because I've finally found someone who IS willing to help me, but still…even the people graduating with doctorates are having a lot of issues finding jobs/making a living doing something they actually want to do. I'm having difficulty getting the practical experience that I need to be competitive for full time jobs. And these opportunities are generally being monopolized by one or two people screwing the rest of us.