[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

I feel anxious about posting this, but I want to get this off my chest.

When I was a child—about 11-12 years old—I went to a private school called The King's School, which has now closed down a few years ago. In my first year there, I was taught English and Geography by a female teacher called Solanki.

I have no pleasant memories of Solanki, she was such a horrible person. She wasn't only nasty to me, she was nasty to other people in my class and what she did still hurts me over eight years later.

I feel shame for feeling this way when I read of how teachers used to physically beat their students in decades long past because Solanki never did that, but I'll list some things she did.

1. In one of her lessons, a student was misbehaving, so Solanki gave him a mark on the board. Okay, I can understand that, but what I can't understand is that every subsequent time she gave somebody else a mark, she would give this student another mark when he did nothing else wrong that lesson. I told her he'd done nothing wrong and she told me it was none of my business. Later she reprimanded this student for getting so many marks, as if he'd deserved them.

2. Later the school introduced a "verbal warning" system, where a student could be given one for misbehaving. One verbal warning meant nothing, two meant lines to be done at home, three meant an after-school detention, and four meant isolation.

Well, one student was late for one of Solanki's lessons and she gave him a verbal warning for it. He said "What?" and promptly got a second one. Feeling his case was unjust, he said "What?" again and got a third one. He said "What the heck?" and I could hear the pain and hurt in his voice, but he got a fourth one for it. By the end of the ordeal, he was in tears. Did Solanki ever apologize for being so harsh? Of course not! She probably felt no remorse at all.

3. Our class were queuing for our next lesson outside, and it was a really hot day. Solanki told me to put my blazer on and do my top button up, but it being so hot, I knew I'd feel really uncomfortable.

I tried telling Solanki this but she didn't care, and when I outright refused she promptly gave me lines to do at home, as punishment. My reaction to this was not a mature one; I went off crying and screaming that I hated her, but what do you expect from a mere twelve-year-old subject to such harsh treatment?

Later, she told my mother that I'd "gone off in a strop" and I could hear from the way she said this that she was amused by my immature reaction. She found it funny! I was in tears for most of the rest of that day.

I could go on about the bad things she did, like how she once gave me a verbal warning for talking even when the lesson was over, but those are the three main ones that still give me pain today.

Maybe I sound like I'm over-the-top, and I probably am. Still, I feel Solanki has contributed to the mental health problems I suffer from now, and this isn't just about me but other children under her "care".

My problem is I don't let things go, I hold on to them. After all, Solanki is out of my life now and I'll likely never see her again, neither do I want to. These ordeals have been on my mind for a while now though, and I guess I wanted to let them out.

Thank you for reading, and sorry for wasting your time with my ranting.

[Shazerac]

Welcome to psych central

That sounds like a really awful situation. If you are having problems letting it go perhaps you could see a therapist for a while to help you work through it.