Boundaries online

I signed up to take an online poetry class. The woman who runs it, last night, I asked her a question in private. It was about how to overcome my fear of reading my work out loud in a real life writing class. She gave me some nice advice. It wasn't anything I didn't already know, but I appreciated it, told her so, too. She recommended I take another one of her classes. This one was way more expensive though, and I said thanks but I couldn't afford it at this time.

I logged on to facebook, and saw that she had posted my question to her, and her answer to me, on her facebook page, and was promoting her class. She obviously had taken my name out so ppl wouldn't know it was me. But it really irked me, for some reason. She didn't even tell me she was going to do that, or ask me. I feel, in this weird sense, disrespected.

Is she being inadvertently disrespectful / insensitive? I kind of feel like my boundaries were violated.

It would have been considerate if she had said something like: that's a really great question that I think others can relate to, do you mind if I post it? Seeing it unexpectedly posted would make me feel violated too.

Thank you SadGirl. I am debating whether or not to say something to her. I don't really feel like doing that right now though.

Well now you know something about her that you didn't know before. I would feel uncomfortable about it too. There is a sense of confidentiality in asking questions from an authority figure, like a teacher and facebook blurs the boundary of what is public vs. what is private. You had every right to expect your conversation to be private.

I think it is a highly personal matter how to deal with it. It would partly depend on how well or poorly she might respond to any form of criticism and whether you want to take that on while you are taking a class from her.

I've often found that when someone does something that really gets under my skin, I am able to handle myself better once I've cooled off and decided just what needs to be said.

Um, what she did was totally not okay. I work in marketing and fundraising and I use clients' quotes all the time, but I ALWAYS get permission first. Even if she removed your name, it's still a violation of your confidentiality. She should have asked you first, especially since you declined to take her class, it's almost like retribution or a passive-aggressive attempt to manipulate you into the class.

Allow yourself to calm down about it, but I would politely confront her and say "I asked you this question confidentially for a reason. I do not appreciate you publicizing my question without my permission. Or using me for marketing material when I have not consented as such."

And leave it at that. She'll either apologize or tell you to screw off, but at least you've spoken up for yourself.

Seesaw

Thanks Seesaw. Thanks everyone. Yeah, it really bothered me and it feels like a crossed boundary and just inconsiderate. I feel really icky and disrespected. I don't even want to take her poetry class now. And yeah, I wouldn't just blow steam off at someone through an email when I'm upset. That pretty much gets you nowhere. Will probably wait till tomorrow.

She apologized! :-O I wrote her last night. She was very nice and took it down too. :-O

Well, she learned something, too. Apparently it's a case of "we all make mistakes"...