[DazedandConfused254]

My social life thus far at my university is what I would describe as a comedy of errors. And I’m better off being completely unknown as a person than seeking people who I can truly connect with.

I used to be quite fond of religious activities such as church, Bible studies, etc. but I got so burned out after being forced to participate in everything hosted and bending over backwards to follow some pretty funky theology. A lot of people who participate in such activities in my current city, a college town, are still recovering from difficult or abusive childhoods, which is understandable but they often use their pasts to justify bad behavior or criticism directed towards me. But I’ve since decided to look elsewhere to connect with people, as its not really an environment suited towards my personality and needs anyway.

I was previously involved in on campus groups at my college, where I enjoyed hosted activities and held various leadership positions, but I have also since faded away, due to the increasing pressures of school and life transitions.

I’m interested in meeting new people to take me through what could be the last year at my university, where I am completing a graduate program, but I am very fearful because of the series of roadblocks which I’ve encountered to meaningful friendships.

What sickens me is that I feel I have much to offer. People remember me for being a steward of the Golden Rule in my actions, thoughts, and words, and more recently my closest friends have praised me for my social/communication skills, sense of humor, and wit. I adore the outdoors and traveling, having been to 7 countries, and am in the process of learning Spanish, French, and Portuguese. The ones who are closest to me say Im an expert at being encouraging and sweet to others. But often times when I try to reach out to others either to make new friends or help others, I either get people who are too shallow or ungrateful in return. Even when I’ve become quite skilled at making friends and interacting with others, there have been moments in my previous friend groups where I would be criticized every time that I had a socially awkward moment, making me feel as if people were slightly disgusted with me. It hurts my heart to see others thrive socially, while others just seem intent on smashing myself and my social life into the ground.

What on Earth is wrong with me? Are college-aged people just too shallow and picky to deal with? Am I a lost cause in terms of making new friends at my school? Is what I've typed in for the title of this thread really true about me?

[Victoria'smom]

I would get into as many clubs/organizations that you can fill your schedule with. Even if you go to ten clubs and make 1 or 2 friends that's a start. Then they introduce you to their friends and it goes from there. Try the board game club.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would get into as many clubs/organizations that you can fill your schedule with. Even if you go to ten clubs and make 1 or 2 friends that's a start. Then they introduce you to their friends and it goes from there. Try the board game club.

Well yes but I also like to have deep meaningful relationships and not get myself too attached to shady people like I’ve done before. I also hope not to get distracted from my school work due to a wide variety commitments.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

The ones who are closest to me say I'm an expert at being encouraging and sweet to others.

I would talk to those still close to you and ask them if they know any people they think you would like to meet? If they judge you well and you respect their judgment, then they probably can help with more people you would be compatible with?

[possum220]

Study is going to take up much of your spare time. That's okay it is supposed to. What would you like to do for pure fun? If you can find a group that does that then go for it. You may make a friend or two from that. One's that you can share a genuine interest with.

People that you meet at Uni are one that you may never see again for the rest of your life.You are worthwhile. Life is only starting. Relax.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by possum220

Study is going to take up much of your spare time. That's okay it is supposed to. What would you like to do for pure fun? If you can find a group that does that then go for it. You may make a friend or two from that. One's that you can share a genuine interest with.

People that you meet at Uni are one that you may never see again for the rest of your life.You are worthwhile. Life is only starting. Relax.

Thanks so much for your response! This is the most helpful response that I've received both online and in person about this topic so far. I'm sure this is not universal, but in my experience it seems like I had an unwavering obligation to be as busy as I can with some sort of social life outside school. I also believed in junk that college is the only opportunity to really meet quality friendships. But I'm glad as you have said this is not the case! I think I will take your advice and just go with the flow

A bit more about me since you asked: I enjoy a variety of tastes. I adore traveling, and love taking trips involving hiking, checking out a sweet beach and kayaking. But also don't mind checking out the big city, which can be through the architecture or food and drink served in a particular place. I also love music of a wide variety, from Blake Shelton to Metallica. Hope I can find a group for a big mess of tastes like myself