High School teacher called my parents on me as punishment. Did I deserve it?

This happened over 12 years ago and it haunts me to this day. I was never a problem student when I was in high school. This was the only time a teacher ever punished me.

This was at a public school in an affluent suburban neighborhood. This was during Spanish class. Normally if we had a quiz scheduled for that day, our teacher began the quiz immediately. All my classmates loved having it first as the information being tested was still fresh in our minds. This day it was different. To everyone’s shock, our teacher began the class teaching a new lesson on conjugation. The lesson continued for 10 minutes, everyone was becoming anxious, including me, as the quiz material we studied for was gradually fading.

Our teacher made a brief pause, the class thought it meant the quiz was being passed out. Instead the teacher continued on the lesson, almost the entire class let out a very long moan of anguish.

I too moaned, then uttered to myself “Gosh when are we going to be able to take this god damn quiz”

The teacher paused, and then stared at me. “******, what did you just say?!?”

“See me after class I am calling your parents”

After class, my teacher called both my parents and told them what happened. When I got home my parents were completely bewildered, they weren’t sure what to tell me, as I never got in trouble in school before. They simply told me I need to be more patient, polite, and appreciate the lessons from the teacher. I too at the time did not understand why I was singled out.

In our Spanish class we had 2 classmates who were class clowns. This one time we had a pen pal project with another Spanish class. Class clown #1 thought it was funny to write to his pen pal that he was an illegal Mexican immigrant and he needed money and a green card. My Spanish teacher was not very happy when it was reported. She told the whole class not to joke around with stereotypes and told class clowns #1 don’t do it again. He did not get a call home to parents

This other time class clown #2 made a joke that involved lynching (don’t remember exact details). The class and the teacher laughed. Then the teacher regained composure and told everyone to calm down.

Looking back at it now, here are my guesses on why I was singled out and punished:

1. The Spanish teacher heard what I uttered and thought I said it directly at her.

2. She was having a bad day and I made it worse when I uttered the words that came out of my mouth

3.My last guess would be the word “god damn”. My teacher(her own personal opinion or religious background) probably felt it was equivalent or worse than saying the “f” word.

For those who read this, did you feel I deserved to be punished in this incident that occurred over 12 years ago? Is the word “god damn” really that bad of a word?

Dear 933127,

I am so sorry that this all happened. I wish I had enough insight to render an opinion about what you ask, but sadly I am at a loss. Hopefully others here will able to be really helpful to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

First, you have no way of knowing with any certainty that the teacher did not speak to the other students' parents. Even if they told you the teacher didn't call, it is not at all unusual for students to lie to their peers to save face. Secondly, you did swear in class, and it is pretty normal for there to be consequences for that. It was a phone call as a consequence of your behavior. That isn't a huge "punishment"; you weren't referred to the office or suspended or anything like that. Sounds like your parents handled it well on your end. Why are you hanging onto this 12 years later might be a better question?

I agree with Artley. 12 years seems like a long time to be hanging on to this. Maybe it's time to move on.

Some people don't like to hear the name of God taken "in vain." It might help you to write a letter of restorative justice.....that says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel.

It is pretty standard school rules that swearing in class is just not okay. Honestly has nothing to do with religious background and everything to do with school code of conduct.

Something sort of similar happened to me. It was middle school and I threw away my juice instead of drinking it. I was never ever in trouble at school. A teacher saw it and called home and talked to my mom. To this day I don't know why throwing my juice away was such a problem but I've long chalked it up to being his problem not mine. I didn't really get in trouble from my parents. They just said if I didn't want to drink my juice to bring it home instead of throwing it away. I thought it was an overreaction on the part of the teacher but who I am to know. That's the only time I was ever called home on.

I agree you likely offend her with the God comment.

I quickly thought of several stories of my being bad in school since pre k.

You sound like you have been extremely good if this was as bad as you were which still has you upset all these years later.

The teacher calling is actually nice of her. She went out of her way. I got very little of that. Public school during the 70’s mostly. The times my mother got called I was so bad I was getting expelled. She withdrew me instead. I wasn’t punished, just not sent back because it was obvious I didn’t want to be there.

Your parents handled it very well. Why does this still upset you?

One or two things come to my mind.

Perhaps she was having a bad day, as you said.

Perhaps she was singling you out. What could you do to make yourself feel better about this?

One of the main roles of a teacher is to maintain order. Perhaps she had this in mind. When curse words are uttered in class, a teacher usually has to control what can be said in class versus what cannot be said.

It's not "bad" that you said that in class. The teacher had to do her job.

I got in trouble for seemingly stupid things in high school and middle school. I always tried to dispute my case.

My advice to you would be to let it go.

Students often assume that other students didn’t get consequences. You have no ways of knowing. In addition phone call home isn’t a punishment.

I wonder why it’s still bothering you?