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Old 03-28-2021, 12:43 PM   #1
ReveuseTroublee has no updates.
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Heart I can't focus

This will be my last thread for some time... I feel like I have been posting so much...

I have been struggling with self-harm urges, dissociation and intense emotions, I lose a lot of time. I try to focus, but the brain fog and physical exhaustion (coffee and energy drinks don't help - I tried) is so strong. I am also restricting my intake... I tried upping it but I can't afford more breakdowns over it and feeling worse and then overexercising and still feeling awful and guilty for too long - makes me feel embarrassed to admit this. I truly need something I can use right now. What can help? What can I do?
I even consider trying to self-harm in a controlled way as much as I want so I can concentrate... But even that does not really help - also I can't control it, it is usually pretty bad and I can't afford to be admitted so yeah this is not really an option.
I have not tried strong smells yet, I tried to work with my tactile sense though but nothing is really working. Any ideas on what could help?
I just want to be productive. Maybe I am trying to be high functioning... xD
I am not used to failing and I don't want to become used to it, I also don't want to use my issues as an excuse.
Even if I fail this exam, it won't get counted as a failure due to the current Covid situation but it would be a huge step for me and I think it would help me to keep fighting my self-harm urges and suicidal ideation.

I have times during the day where I am doing horribly but I never know when also with the dissociation I never know when...

This is my first exam after being hospitalised and not being able to study in over a year. Another reason why it means so much to me.

The sad thing is that all of these symptoms are related and if one goes up, the others follow.
I take the blame for this mess.
I have the goal of getting through this on my own.
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Old 03-30-2021, 11:24 PM   #2
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Default Re: I can't focus

Have you tried deep breathing? Have you tried getting in a cold shower or otherwise exposing yourself to really (not too) cold water? Have you tried holding ice cubes in your hands for a while and holding your breath while doing that? Exercising really hard can help too. I am learning some of these things too for my intense emotions. These things are hard to implement but they sometimes work.
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Old 03-31-2021, 01:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: I can't focus

Good luck <3

I am actually doing the opposite. I am trying to face my fears, I leave the house every day (if I don't, the next day is really bad). Sports is good, though lately I seem to have substituted that with chocolate (which is also good).
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Old 04-07-2021, 02:31 PM   #4
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Default Re: I can't focus

So Sorry that you're struggling! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about trying some of the methods they have suggested such as physical exercise. Perhaps try to split up your studying sessions as well. Sorry if my post isn't really that Helpful. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Perhaps that may help as well. i Hope and Pray that your exams will go well. Please do keep us updated if and when you can and want to! Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @ReveuseTroublee, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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