My thoughts on my personality and the job I need

I think a lot about not what I want to be but also what I want to FEEL and that's safe and protected. I feel that when you're safe you're able to explore the world confidently and valiantly. I don't long for accolades, don't need trophies on a podium or endless cash to spend on golden toilets. I long the most for that safety and that ability to play and enjoy life. People take the world so seriously especially me maybe that's the shadow side of being a Capricorn lol I'm kidding im not sure that's why. In all my seriousness there's another side to me that very few people see only the ones I care about the most see the joking and fear spirited side of me. When I was a child I was even more carefree if there's anything that I long for the most but to be more like my inner child I feel stiffled in this fast place world. If seriousness is all that there is then it suffocates creativity and playfulness. So if I ask for what I want the most but to feel safe to explore the world with wonder and live life knowing I've touched hearts and inspired happiness. I don't know what job we'll help me most do that. I think the nurturing side of me that wants to help old ladies and my endless wonder for the experience that they have that I reckon is so golden. When I think of all the sides of me I wonder if there is a job that has all those varied activities that I can explore my personality whilst touching the lives of others. I wonder I wonder. It feels endless exploration but that's the beauty of life that if I live to a centenarian. I am going to do many jobs and be many things and defined in many ways. When I think of that I feel less negative about this part of my journey because it means that I learn more about myself. Now I know about my nurturing and caring side. If I was ever unsure of it I use know that I am creative and my mind is always filled with so many ideas that it's hard to confine myself to one job role. So I guess that's maybe why I've always found it hard to stuck in one role because I am so flexible. I guess when I think about that maybe I need to consider my need for flexibility for growth for evolution.

Have you thought of becoming an Art Therapist?

Drama or Music Therapist even?

You seem like a very caring person

I looked it up and art therapist need university. I don't think I even want to work anymore to be honest. The craziest thoughts are coming in my mind that if I was pregnant the extra income would save me from the humiliation of trying. Of course I'm not going to do that but still the thought is there. I think I'm going to forget about study and get a therapist. There's no point studying when my mind is broken. It's like pouring water into a broken cup. Anyway I wouldn't wish my corrupted DNA on anyone. It's a good thing that im single too nothing damaged to give anyone. I think I'm not going to ever have kids they don't need to be failure or imbeciles like me.

Sorry you're not feeling well...

Getting a good psychologist would be helpful at this point.

All is not lost, though... it just may feel like it right now.

Try not to overthink or jump to conclusions now, but find a therapist who is a good fit to help you...

Hang in there!