[Rachel...]

I really hate going to school. I know that's normal for a fourteen year old, but every time I step foot in there I feel like crying.
I've been bullied for various reasons since the age of five, and I've always found it difficult to communicate with people, but now it seems to be worse than ever. During presentations and games lessons i have panic attacks and have to literally be removed from the lesson.
I've recently stopped going to school because I'm so scared. I'm scared of large groups of people, and that's all school is; a place to learn in large groups of people. Don't get me wrong, I love to learn. When I'm not in school, I teach myself things from the internet and books. It's just the atmosphere of the classroom. Everywhere I look I see people. I'm asked questions I can easily answer but I can't answer them because I'm scared what people will think. I feel trapped in school, and I can't do anything about it. I cry roughly fourteen times during a day, and have panic attacks randomly, resulting in being sick and even passing out, and occassionally I even turn to self harm which is unusual for me.
I try my best to keep it all a secret from teachers. i find it difficult to talk to people, let alone people over the age of eighteen. The last thing I want is teachers offering me advice.
My mum is starting to get into trouble with the school and the law. She keeps telling me i only have a year and a half of school left, but that's too long. I can't cope for that amount of time. i really don't know what to do. On one hand I can go to school and physically want to kill myself, or on the otherhand I can stay at home and let my mum go to court, which could mean I go into care and she could go into prison. I really am in a catch 22, so if anyone could help me I really would be grateful.

Rachel. x

[cantstopcrying]

Hmmm, you said 'mum' which is traditionally not an American way to say mom, so I'm guessing you are out of the US? I can only speak for what I know here, but maybe you can look into there. If you can get in with a t or pdoc, you can have them contact the school. By law, schools have to do certain things to allow children with disabilities to recieve their education...even if that means providing a tutor or assiting you mom with home schooling. If you were out for months because of a physical illness, you would (hopefully) recieve your classwork and instruction. With the internet and all other types of communication, it should be fairly easy for your school to use something like Blackboard and drop your assignments on there. If you can't get a definate diagnosis I would still encourage you and your mom to talk with the principal of the school, the school board and teachers about the issues that you have. Maybe a transfer to a smaller school or a private school may help, also.

[Michah]

Babe, that sounds awful!! My son is 14 and i would hate to think he was going through this all on his own........does your mum know the depth of your suffering? I wonder if a caring therapist that is completely confidential would be able to help........

Phobias can be fixed and they are a lot more common than you think. We all feel a bit crazy when we can't cope and more often than not, we feel stigmatised because we can't cope........mental health can be very simple or very complex........the fact that you have identified your particular angst means you are half way there.......maybe you just need some help for the rest of the way.

You are a bright girl who just needs a bit of support........the knowledge and help you gain now will take you through life and be very rewarding........

Ask and you shall receive........be safe and look after yourself........

By the way, I have a feeling(not knowing where you are) that if you start seeing a therapist and the school or Dept of Education is informed, your mother will be given leniency in the eyes of the law. You may have to go through some govt. channels........if you are proactive and seek advice the outcome will be favourable.......be brave!! you can do it......

[robin620]

I teach for a virtual school (in the US) and have many students with anxiety issues. They take classes over the internet and call or e-mail with questions. Every place has different rules about it, but you may want to see what is available in your area.

[kameo1991]

Well.. I was home schooled all of my "middle school" years with the exception of about 4 months into the beginning of the 7th grade. So I sorta understand what you mean by hating school.. its feels like more of a punishment than anything else...