[mala]

Hi
This is an embarrassing problem that has really affected friendship, and how I interact with people. I have a habit of looking at anything inappropiately (private areas). Its not funny and I feel terrible about it, and upset because if I was a perv , then I wouldnt mind. I developed the problem staying with my grandparents for a few weeks. They looked inapporpiately at me occasionally, were strict and I wish I didnt visit them.The odd thing is that none of my cousins are like that and they live over there with them. I think my mind is very suggestible and weak and Im glad that Im improving but I would like to improve this aspect. Im upset with myself for this. Are there any types of self help or therapy that could help? Does anyone else have this problem?
mala

Hi Mala,
I have a similar problem and avoid eye contact like the plague! I don't look at peoples private parts but I look anywhere else. I know why I do it, because I have no self esteem and think very poorly of myself and sometimes I think that I dont even deserve to look someone in the eye. T has brought this up with me sometimes but I explianed to her that I was too ashamed to look her in the eye because we were discussing private things. Maybe you feel ashamed or not worthy subconsciously???

I, too, have a problem with eye contact. Not that I look at private parts, but I look around in every direction. I can't look face-to-face with another for some reason. My self-esteem is at its lowest. I don't know of anything to help personally.

[shezbut]

((mala))

How old were you when you visited your grandparents? How long did you stay with them? Were there other stressors occurring back when this happened? Did you see something when you stayed with them? Something that you aren't real comfortable with??

Personally, I generally have a difficult time looking at people in the eyes & have had this problem for YEARS, due to my perpetual low self-esteem. However, I typically look down on the floor or out a window. My eyes stay away from the person entirely (except for a sentence here or there).

If you aren't trying to figure out what caused this behavior of yours, and simply want to devote your time trying to change the behavior, I'd recommend going with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). It's very popular and effective with helping people develop healthier behaviors.

[and_im_still_here]

I also have the embarrasing thing of looking at peoples privates but im not sure why but i dont stare i just like take a peek... I dont do it with reason but i fail at eye contact too... if you do get answers on why id love to know because it is embarrasing and im afraid people will notice and think wrong of me.

[Marla500]

I have the same problem too, and my self esteem is shaky but in general I also feel like it is a really powerful thing to look at people directly in the eye and it is distracting, and it makes it hard for me to concentrate!! it can feel really uncomfortable. in this culture it's expected but some cultures don't consider it to be polite.

[Perna]

I practice good behavior and, eventually, it is larger/happens more often than the bad. With eye contact, I start with store clerks and other people I just happen to meet that aren't "important" to me. With them behind counters, it might be a little easier for you to concentrate on doing that since you cannot see private parts. Maybe pick male clerks so you cannot look at boobs, etc. :-) It's basically a habit you got into out of fear/distaste with your grandparents. You might benefit from seeing a therapist to discuss the problem but you could also just see if you could replace the behavior with another. Maybe start a "button" collection and tell yourself to stare at people's top button on their blouse or shirt? And/or a teeshirt collection (for those not formally dressed in a shirt/blouse); make a habit of telling people you meet that you "like" their teeshirt or otherwise commenting on it and starting a conversation?

[willmarcus]

I once struggled greatly with eye contact. It's uncomfortable at first to begin making it, but it's such an amazing difference in how well people perceive you when you give them eye contact!

[kiolet]

going through the EXACT SAME thing started in July and it's gotten worse(now i avoid people all together)i avoid eye contact then i get worried at looking at their private parts so i'm in this strange panic state.All i want to do is escape the interaction.This led me to depression cause i cut off all social contact because of it,and i started thinking something was wrong with me .now i analyze my every move around people.i was so confident before this happened.now i NEVER leave the house.it's been 3 months.i quit my job cause of it ,people would give me dirty looks especially women. i don't enjoy life anymore this has taken me to the depths of depression .how the hell did this happen .......

[Rainbow Socks]

I'm terrible with eye-contact, too. Most of the time I don't bother trying to improve it, but when I really need to appear trustworthy (everyone seems to assume I'm lying if I don't look them in the eye) I either look slightly to the side of one of their eyes, or look at the bridge of their nose.