Welcome to Self-Help Ideas and Goal Setting!

devox:

In your last post you said: "In the next month would like to learn to learn to be comfortable in my body. I want to learn to be more accepting of my flaws and less critical of myself. I'm tired of worrying that if I can't accomplish something I start that I'll be considered a failure by those who know me and they will think less of me."

That still seems to me pretty general and vague.. The task is to decide what it means to get comfortable, accept your flaws, and be less critical of yourself. Exactly what will you do or feel when you achieve those goals in some specific area...and what exactly will you to try to achieve those goals? I may be asking for too many specifics here. Do you have any idea how to reach those goals in one month?

Let me see if I can think of things you could do: (1) monitor and quickly cast out any self-criticism. Start tomorrow and let us know Sunday night how well you did. (2) Also make a list of your favorite faults you criticise and make a list of strengths you can use to replace the faults. (3) Set some goal that would disprove your faults, like a better job or a promotion or getting important training in the next six months. Tell us your progress and how or why you have failed.

Good luck and keep in touch with this forum. If my suggestions don't seem very good, ask the people who come here for their ideas.

drclay

Hi Dr. Clay--Nice to meet you. You seem to be an intelligent, caring individual. I am intrigued by this forum and your theory that every problem as 5 parts/levels. Certainly, with all due respect, do you think you could be making this a whole lot more difficult than it has to be? Sometimes a solution just presents itself. Also, don't you think that those of us who have suffered with mental illness, seen psychiatrists, therapists, et al, tend to over-analyze and get mired in the "why" of the problem rather than moving more quickly to a solution? I certainly think that most of us, certainly I do, tend to be extremely sensitive, perhaps overly so, to physical and emotional changes within ourselves. Do you think this hypersensitivity contributes to an increase in "problems?"

I apologize for rambling and in advance for possibly getting us off track. I certainly will take a look at your book.

Thanks.
okiedokie

oakiedocie:

I like your kind of questioning, doubtful kind of message. You raise good points. I'll briefly try to explain my viewpoints. First, I am not certain that every problem has 5 parts but what I am more certain is that there are five aspects of the problem that can be changed using certain methods. Chapters 11 to 15 explain the methods that concentrate on changing behaviors, reducing unwanted emotions, developing useful skills, changing attitudes and thinking, and uncovering or yeilding insights into the unconscious.

I agree with you that the five parts idea may be adding complexity that keeps some people from finding simple solutions. But people who can think of and apply simple solutions aren't reading my book--they don't need to. Yes, there are many people who can tell you a lot about their problem but they can't think of a solution--knowing more about possible solutions can help you see solutions you hadn't seen before.

If a solution just pops in your mind, you don't need to buy or read a book.

There may be different kinds of over-analyzers: some prefer to think about the problem more than to solve the problem. I think some people do gain insight over a long period of time by reading Freud and many other thoughtful therapists (e.g. I think learning about my attraction to my mother helped me understand my life), but this took years or months and may be a different process from quick cures by overcoming an anxiety.

Being aware of emotional changes may be helpful; being worried or obsessed about them may be unhelpful. What do you think?

drclay

Hi, I appreciate your thoughtful response. Please don't think I'm trying to challenge your theories; just trying to understand. You clarified my question about 5 "parts" of a problem by saying not necessarily, but there are 5 "aspects." You also refer to them as levels. Isn't that all the same thing? Also, I don't think I 'splained myself very well initially. I don't think that quick solutions are necessarily "simple." Some of us might know what the solution is, or could be, but have a hard time building the bridge to get there. I think I might be one of those people if going to New York, like to go to New York directly, rather than via Rome. In my line of work, I do a lot of root cause analysis and find it a useful tool in my own life. Perhaps, we're more aligned than we think we are!

I'd love to hear what you think of my comment about hypersensitivity. Do you think that could be true?

Also, I appreciate your honesty about your attraction to your mother, but it sort of freaked me out. My experiences with pdocs, therapists, etc. have been less than stellar. I like to think that the person (professional) helping me is less whacky than I am. One PhD (male) wanted to leave his wife for me. A psychiatrist I once saw, told me how he and his siblings assisted his mother in a "final exit" suicide and was questioned by the cops. In a psych hospitalization , my therapist told me, "heck, there are a lot of sick people here, all you have to do is lose a few pounds and get back out there."

Once again, I'm off the beaten path. Maybe, I'm just slow to trust and just want to be reassured that you're not another whack job!?
Thanks,
S.

Okiedokie:

I'm sorry you have had weird experiences with "wacky" therapists. I'm pretty sure you will not think I am another one.

What is a root cause analysis?

You asked about my view of hypersensitivity: "I certainly think that most of us, certainly I do, tend to be extremely sensitive, perhaps overly so, to physical and emotional changes within ourselves. Do you think this hypersensitivity contributes to an increase in "problems?" Give me some examples of extreme sensitive and I'll tell you how unusual and/or how pathological I think those events are.

Considering the three therpists you mentioned, I agree with you they were pretty wacky and a very odd sample of therapists.

drclay

yeah it does sound like you have met some whack jobs lol...

that being said... there is controversy over whether mental disorder is categorical or dimensional. if it is categorical then there is a hard distinction between mentally ill and not mentally ill in which case you would indeed hope that your clinician's wouldn't be mentally ill! if it is dimensional rather than categorical then there isn't a hard distinction between mentally ill and not mentally ill because it would be a matter of degree. still, one would expect clinician's to be more on the not mentally ill end of the spectrum lol.

freud was fairly novel in suggesting that we are ALL mentally ill, basically. i guess i figure that ideas, thoughts, desires, emotions, all of this stuff is healthy... where the unhealthy comes into it is what you DO with the stuff you have got.

but yeah, people thougth freud was a wack job because of his notion that everyone was pretty %#@&#! up really...
lol

but

ahem.

my self help ideas are:

1) everyone is a wack job really. accepting that helps me feel human.
2) everyone has wack job thoughts (beliefs, desires, emotions etc) . accepting that helps me feel human.
3) there is a distinction between *having* these beliefs, desires, emotions etc and *acting* from them, however...

Hi Dr. Clay,
Glad to hear you aren't one of the kooky ones! An example of physical oversensitivity would be someone who has experienced panic attacks who becomes severely anxious at the mere THOUGHT of another panic attack; or someone who is constantly "checking" their own emotional and/or physical state to reassure themselves they are aok. Or because they once suffered from a certin malady they have this internal checklist they review each hour (whatever time period) to make sure they aren't coming down with it again. Gosh, now I sound like a whack job! Does that make sense?

Please check out root cause analysis at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Root_cause_analysis

It is a very time-consuming process, but very effective.
Thanks,
Sandy

Oakiedokie:

You gave a good description of hypersensitivity. It just happened that this article appeared on the Internet:

ANXIETY SENSITIVITY A RISK TO MENTAL HEALTH Mon Nov 13, 2006

By Amy Norton

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The fear of fear itself may make people more vulnerable to developing certain psychiatric disorders, a study suggests.

Researchers found that people who are especially sensitive to the physical signs of anxiety - from sweaty palms to a pounding heart - have a higher risk of developing anxiety disorders, including recurrent panic attacks.

For about 20 years, researchers have recognized a trait called anxiety sensitivity, where people interpret the physical aspects of anxiety as a threat in and of themselves. They may, for example, believe they're having a heart attack when their heart rate rises in response stress.

Past research has suggested that anxiety sensitivity might be a risk factor for future anxiety disorders, including panic disorder.

But the new findings, according to the study authors, are the first to give strong evidence that this is the case.

The study doesn't prove that anxiety sensitivity directly causes clinical anxiety disorders, explained lead author Dr. Brad Schmidt, a professor of psychology at Florida State University in Tallahassee.

But if it does contribute to these disorders, then that would raise the possibility for prevention, he told Reuters Health.

The study, published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, included
404 young adults who were followed over two years. At the beginning of the study, they were interviewed and completed a battery of standard tests, including the Anxiety Sensitivity Index.

This index gauges a person's fear of the bodily sensations that arise with stress and anxiety -- such as increased heart rate, sweating and dizziness.

In general, the researchers found, people who scored high on the Anxiety Sensitivity Index were about twice as likely to suffer a panic attack or be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder during the study period.

In another study not yet published, Schmidt and his colleagues have already examined whether behavioral therapy to reduce anxiety sensitivity lowers the risk of future anxiety disorders.

Those results are promising, according to Schmidt, and more- definitive findings should come from a planned five-year, multi-site trial.

SOURCE: Journal of Psychiatric Research, December 2006.

Okiedokie:

Thanks for the link to Root Cause Analysis. I read it. It reads like it was written by some of my friends in Industrial Technology. I kept wanting to translate the schools, the 5 Whys, the general process, and so on into my Chapter 2 where the steps in self-help are spelled out: (1) selection of the problem, (2) collection of basic data, (3) understanding the problem by five parts or levels, (4) setting realistic goals, (5) select self-change methods to use, (6) make a treatment plan, (7) collect and plot data frequently, (8) get going according to plan, etc, etc.

What treatment plan have you worked out to reduce your hypersensitivity? I bet a lot of posters have had some success with this problem. It is a good problem to discuss on this forum.

drclay

alexandra:

I tend to agree with you...especially understanding, accepting and tolerating others helps us feel better about ourselves.

drclay

Why do service providers tell us we need to be more self-sufficant, then when we try they tell us how hard it is, and to let them keep doing for us?

Hi Dr. Clay,
Very interesting! Thanks for sharing.
Take care,
Sandy

Hi,
You're right on the money -- that's what I do for a living! It really is part and parcel of your work, isn't it?

My tx plan for hypersensitivity really isn't all that impressive. The first thing I try to do is take care of myself physically: take the antidepressant, sleep, rest, good nutrition, exercise, work and fun. And not necessarily in that order. But, I have to tell ya, it's quite a trapeze act without a net. For instance tonight, I'm exhausted having not slept last night, worked all day and school presentation tonight. My physical anxiety level all day today was really uncomfortable. I don't see a pdoc or a T and I'm sure you know why.

I'd love to hear your and other's suggestions as to how to better manage this. On days like this, I do remind myself that this too shall pass, but it's difficult knowing that years ago having suffered a major depression with psychotic features, that I could end up that sick again. It's my biggest fear.

Thank you. I appreciate this dialogue with you. I'll expect your bill in the mail!
Sandy

nothemama8:

I agree, this does seem like a mixed message. I guess I'd ask the helper why he/she sent conflicting messages. For example, What exactly did you mean about being self-sufficant? Can you give me some examples of what I could do?

Why did you tell me that it is so hard to help yourself? Was that encouragement to work hard? Was it a suggestion to start with easy chages? Was it trying to prepare me for some failures?

I'm wondering if you are pretty sure I can't get far trying to help myself? Are you feeling discouraged that you have to do lots of things for me? How long do you feel we will need to continue the counseling? What should we be doing in therapy?

Those are the kinds of things I'd like to talk about, if I were you.

drclay

okiedokie:

Looks like a good plan. I'm a believer in exercise (I'm up at 5:00 and off to the "Y") and in meds to the extent needed and healthy food.

What about a direct attack on the tension by good sleep (Ch 4), reducing worries (Ch 5), relaxation (Ch 12), and meditation (Ch 12). Not all of them but the one that sounds the best to you. I'm just going to suggest you look these methods in my Chapter Indices. (I went to the book to get these URLs and then I lost the whole post--so I'll do it the easy way.)

I understand about the concern about depression returning. My only suggestion is to avoid the crises you can, stay as calm as you can (without worrying about it) and believe that in time the threat of feeling low will become less and less likely.

Nice talking with you. Let me know how you are doing. My bills are very high...but you can pay me in full by filling out a feedback form (see on first page).

drclay

drclay, if you get desperate, we have a community fund here

Thank you...chapters 4,5 & 12. I'm on it! I will provide feedback -- I missed that somehow. Dr. Clay, this is the best thing since sliced bread. Conversation with a PhD at no charge and no threat of physical harm. You can't see me and you can't touch me. Thank you for being there.
Sandy

This Forum is an excellent idea it will help me to focus on one thing that is positive and see it through... it might take me a while to get through a 1500 pages book i am a slow reader but i use the discipline of staying on track and get somewhere rather that being allover the place and get no where... i will try to have one positive thought everyday and post it... this will be my gift to myself for my birthday today... i am looking forward to meet all the members in this forum and mutually encourage each other bringing the best in all of us.

Mindfully yours!

Thanks DocJohn & DrClay. Yeah! I've found this wonderful self help info long ago. And I love to get in touch with the kind author like you.

Thanks so much

Each new day is a gift that's why it is called the Present

This is interesting I'm axious to see how it goes.

Eastern teachings on taming thoughts and converting emotions
I have been asked "what are some good places to learn what cognitive and behavioral therapies look like in Eastern Thought. Here are two sites (and their search hits) which are good places for beginners. No special vocabulary or education is needed to benefit from these beginning teachings. Hope they are of benefit to any who are interested in such things.

Here is the general search web site for Tonglen Meditation. I personally like Pema Chodron, who is famous for, among other things, her book: "Start Where You ARE". http://www.bing.com/search?FORM=WEAC&PC=WEAC&q=Tonglen+Meditation&src= IE-SearchBox here is a site where you can read what she says: http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Faith-Tools/Meditation/1999/12/Tonglen-Meditation.aspx Changing Pain into Compassion.

Here is the link to a search of Lojong Mind Training : http://www.bing.com/search?FORM=WEAC&PC=WEAC&q=Lojong&src=IE-SearchBox And here is the site for the Daily Lesson: http://lojongmindtraining.com/ Taming the Thoughts

This should set you well on your way to a newer and deeper understanding of how to tame the thoughts, and emotions, and progress on the path to being the person we all want to be: our best self~! :-) your friend, Gus

Welcome!

This is definitely great one.

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Alluring Lady