Welcome to Self-Help Ideas and Goal Setting!

The late Clay Tucker-Ladd, Ph.D. is the author of the fantastic free online book, Psychological Self-Help. Clay and I had been colleagues for many years, and I worked with him as the first self-help book ever to be published online. It's a great, in-depth work.

This forum is not just about offering support to one another, but to share experiences and techniques that have helped you out with specific issues and areas in your life.

We've also expanded the forum to help with goal setting as well. Set your goals publicly here, and then get tips on how to stick with them, even when you feel the most frustrated with reaching your goals.

In December 2023, we merged Habit Change into this forum. You're welcomed to talk about habit change, how to set new habits and get rid of old ones you no longer want, here too.

Welcome!
DocJohn

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I would strongly encourage you to go read a chapter of the book that you identify with. It will help ground the discussion somewhat and ensure everyone is on the same page.

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This is a great idea!!! YAY CLAY!!!

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Excellent book. I don't know how I found it, but I've been passing around the web site to friends & people in support groups & people at the local Mental Health Assoc. plus NAMI. Thanks for the reminder to go back & read some more.--Suzy

Thanks for the welcome, DocJohn.

It will take me a few days to catch on to some of the complexities on this forum. But it is an exciting possibility and I thank you for making it possible.

drclay

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drclay said:
Thanks for the welcome, DocJohn.

It will take me a few days to catch on to some of the complexities on this forum.
But it is an exciting possibility and I thank you for making it possible.

drclay

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Dr. Clay

...................................................................... <font color="red"> "WE are glad to have YOU join US" </font>


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Welcome and love the book.

Thank you for a wonderful new forum and and exciting one too!

I look forward to studying the book.

To all the Welcomers:

Thanks for the warm welcoms and sometimes poetic comments. I'd like to welcome each of you with equal enthusiasm.

Several of you promised to read more of my book. You probably know that it is 1750 pages and growing. It may be better to think of it as a reference book that covers many topics. So, much of the book can be covered by just reading about topics you want to know about right now. Topics of interest can be found by going to the Chapter that interests you and then look for specific topics of interest in the Chapter Index. Or better yet, go to the search engine at the top of any page and type in the topic you are looking for.

For our purposes on this forum, it is probably best to discuss "how to change this behavior or feelings or thoughts" as if we were discussing a treating some problem rather than discussing the topics covered in a given Chapter. So, bring some problem to the forum that seems to be resisting change.

Please don't expect me to come up with the answers. My wife gave me a nice plaque that quotes Michelangelo: I am still learning.

Clay

This is a wonderful idea! Thanks Doc John!

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drclay said:
Thanks for the welcome, DocJohn.

It will take me a few days to catch on to some of the complexities on this forum. But it is an exciting possibility and I thank you for making it possible.

drclay

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I am glad you are back here at PC! (((DrCLay)))

Thank you DocJohn and Drclay for this site...what a great idea!!!

Hi Posters to Sharing Self-Help Ideas!

I'm still learning the system here. Why do I get the same material by email at home as I read on the forum? There seems to be two or more ways to respond on the forum? Which one should I use? How can you start a new topic or thread? Just type in a new topic for Subject?

First of all, I want to say that there has been 6 or 7 quick, clear, and frank responses to the question of "What would you like to change?" Excellent! They came from Sabrina0805, Perna, alibaby, Rhapsody, devox, Sarah116, Petunia, Sky and others.

Now I'd like to give you another suggestion (a new topic?). Let's see if it is helpful to look at all five parts of any problem. Please briefly read Step 3 about Trying to Understand the Problem. See link http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org.../chap2_19.html

Does thinking about the five parts help you think differently about the problem or about possible solutions? I have found this technique to be helpful for many people over the years. I am currently writing about psychiatric diagnoses and how they are made. Diagnoses are very complex but it seems to me that for the self-helper the attending to these five parts of almost any problem serves some of the same purposes as diagnoses.

Try it and see if it helps you think about your problem.

drclay

I think in your profile, (up tippy top here on the site after you've logged in) there's an "email notification/subscription" choice you must have checked. I just come to the site rather than get them email (too).

If you click on the forum name (rather than on a specific post) you'll get a list of all the posts in the forum and the opportunity to start a new one.

"Every problem has five parts or levels: (1) the behavior involved, (2) the emotions experienced, (3) the skills you may need, (4) the mental processes involved (thoughts or self-talk, motivations, self-concept, values, and expectations), and (5) the unconscious forces that may contribute to your troubles." http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...2/chap2_2.html

That's a really helpful list, Dr. Clay

Hey, there are my posts from yesterday that I have been looking for on this forum. I'm catching on to this site little by little. Keep on helping me out. I'm not out of the woods yet.

Clay

Hi all!

Several of you have mentioned a problem or two you would like to work on. Now, make use of the quote that Perna found: "Every problem has five parts or levels: (1) the behavior involved, (2) the emotions experienced, (3) the skills you may need, (4) the mental processes involved (thoughts or self-talk, motivations, self-concept, values, and expectations), and (5) the unconscious forces that may contribute to your troubles." http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...2/chap2_2.html

Describe your problem to us again using the five parts that are involved in almost any problem. When some people do that let's see if the problem becomes more clearly described and see if it might become easier to find ways to deal with the problem. Do we have any volunteers? If not, I'll give an example I'm facing.

Example: My blood sugar is getting a little high. The problem described in 5 parts: (1) simple--eating too many sweets, (2) feeling stressed by piles of work to be done right in front of me; using sweets to settle down, (3) need better writing and organizational skills involved in pulling massive information together, (4) believing a brilliant integration of info is possible and that I should do it alone--without help, and (5) unconsciously thinking that I am as able as I was 50 years ago & being afraid that my memory is declining.

That is short but you can see that a more complete description of the problem (more than high blood sugar) might lead to new ways of coping. Of course, figuring out the self-help approaches and applying them may take weeks or months.

Time to go to bed...that usually clears my thinking!

Clay

<font color="blue"> Ok I'm game. Here is a problem I've been actively working on, had it pulled together but when a pain flare hit, it all fell apart and I need to reorganize it:

Problem in 5 parts? <ul type="square">[*] 1. The behavior involved is that I'm not getting enough sleep.[*] 2. The emotions experienced are frustration at not being able to sleep, anger that I know how to do this and "should", and worsened depression from not enough sleep.[*] 3. The skills I may need? Work on better focus, more emphasis on the calming nature of meditation [*] 4. The mental processes involved include as stated in #1, but in overcoming this problem are clearing my mind through meditation and thought blocking of the day's clutter, countering the frustration since sleep problems are common with chronic pain patients and becoming upset only pushes the prospect of sleep farther away, and realizing that I only sleep 3-4 hours in a row at best anyway before the pain wakes me so worrying about not sleeping all night is catastrophizing. Realization that even if I don't sleep, I can still rest my body and prevent a fatigue flare.[*] 5. The unconscious forces that may contribute to my troubles are... hmm if they're unconscious how can I know them? sorry my bad... If I go to sleep I will just have to wake up sometime, and I don't want to do that. I really don't want to wake up in worse pain, and if I stay awake I can manage the pain. If I sleep wrong (in the wrong position) I can cause key bones to displace, thus resulting in more pain and more active physical therapy. I don't like being alone, and the quietness right before sleep makes me realize my aloneness. Pain. Depression.[/list]
How'd I do???
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I like it Sky :-) I admire your trying to work on physical problems too; I would be afraid I couldn't know all the components and/or they'd change depending on other physical things. Hmm, looking at DrClay's behavior example; the behavior isn't that you're not getting enough sleep, that's the problem? What is one thing you're doing or not doing that could help?

I wake in the night too often because (1) I have to get up and go to the bathroom. I probably drink too much liquid too close to bedtime and don't urinate enough during the day because (5) I have problems from way back with my mother being sick and dying (encopresis) and then my stepmother punishing me for it. I feel (2) "safest" going to the bathroom in the middle of the night when no one knows or will punish me for it. (3) I can keep track of how much I drink during the day and not drink anything after 8 p.m. (4) I can pay attention during the day to my mental processes when I go to the bathroom and not be in a hurry and counter-talk any negative memories (in the hospital not being able to urinate/empty my bladder "on demand").

Not exactly in order :-) but looks like a plan!

_Sky:

I am glad to see you and Perna try out the five parts of your problem. You did well...I'll comment a little.

1. The behavior is often the problem...but knowing the unwanted behavior doesn't help you change much. You could write down the desired behavior, I suppose. Thought-stopping might cut off the worries and let you relax.

2. Yes, lying awake when you want to sleep is frustrating. And worry and irritation keep you awake, so emotions are innertwined with the behavior (not sleeping). You might want to start thinking about how to change these emotions, for instance get up and do something for a while, maybe exercise, meditate (as you suggested), write about your thoughts, or just read a good book until you fall back to sleep.

3. Learning new skills could help--self-hypnosis or other ways to relax, besides meditation (which usually is good). See insomnia in my Ch 5.

4. Our thoughts are always important. I agree with your ideas about avoiding mental stress so you can rest. But physical factors can keep us awake, e.g. pain (as you mention--do you have pain meds?) and mental processes (e.g. ADHD, Bipolar and so on). You mention being alone in 5 but that is no an unconscious thougth, so I'd put that in part 4. And I'd focus on making detailed plans over days or weeks so that you don't keep worrying "oh, what am I going to do about being alone." It is very comforting to have a careful plan.

5. Your comment about unconscious factors is a good one: "if they are unconscious, how can I know them?" My answer is you can guess what your unconscious might be trying to do...or you can read about other people's unconscious motives or just look for possible causes of something that is happening to you, such as what payoffs could the pain be trying to give me? or is my aloneness trying to tell me something or get me to do something? Keep in mind the unconscious has to be unpleasant for you to think about--otherwise, it would be conscious, right? So the pain or the loneliness may be punishment for something...or encouragement to do something that the unconscious wants you shouldn't do.

Much of this is speculation but that is OK if we are comfortable doing it and if the ideas lead to our feeling better, sleeping better, being less lonely.

We will see if this makes sense and helps.

drclay

Perna:

Thanks for posting about disturbed sleep. I go to the bathroom a lot at night too but thankfully it is not a problem because I quickly fall back to sleep. In your case where you believe you know the cause of the poor sleep, I wonder if Desensitization (see Chapter 12) would quickly help you to relax (desensitize you to being in a bathroom or to functions you do there) and then go back to sleep. It isn't exactly fear you feel in the bathroom but it may be more distress or upsetness or resentment which can be desensitized just the same as fear.

Just an idea. What do you think? Some ideas discussed with _Sky might work for you too, like having a good book to read...

Clay

Hmm, I've been trying to change going to the bathroom so often in the middle of the night around to daytime, closer to when I drink, hadn't thought about trying to get to sleep sooner afterwards. It's true if I'm really tired and do go to sleep sooner, that I sleep better. But getting up every hour or two is often more disruptive as I cannot get a "long enough" period of sleep some nights so either have to "sleep in" later in the morning than I want or get up when I'm still tired. I figure if I could get to feeling "safe" whenever I have to go, rather than pressured, that would help ease the unconscious preference for nighttime when it's "secret" and quiet (I'm not getting yelled at in anger).