[arod13]

does it really work when we try self help?

[(JD)]

Good question. The link to Chapter 1 of drclay's book http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org/Chapter1/ talks about many of the thoughts behind self help.

I think for anything to work well, one has to believe it will help. IMO, most of the really effective therapies involve some sort of self improvement, self understanding.

Why not try it on something you feel is an easy fix, but you "just" need some guidance or motivation to accomplish it? Good wishes.

[Rhapsody]

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arod13 said:
does it really work when we try self help?

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IMO.................... YES , I beleive that self help does indeed enable us to HEAL... just think about it - Does your T not have you do self help work in between your visits?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[arod13]

Rhap i guess your right i just wonder though why its not as easy to fix things or easy to stick to i guess

[Rhapsody]

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arod13 said:
Rhap i guess your right i just wonder though why its not as easy to fix things or easy to stick to i guess

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Because human nature usually dictates that WE do not like to work at things that are not enforced by another.... we tend to become lazy or weary if what is set before us takes to much time or engulfs our inner energy.

.... That is why RECOVERY is called: HARD WORK.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[arod13]

right...... rhap....... that makes a lot of sense thanks you know sometimes you need someone to remind you

[Perna]

I believe a lot of self-help fixing can be as easy to fix as it was to get "wrong" the first time. A behavior/habit takes 3 week/21 days to either lay down/make or replace (you can't just stop a behavior, something else has to take it's place so it helps to think of a "good" thing to replace a "bad" habit. I read about someone who bit her fingernails so she put nail files around at all the places she sat/was and instead of biting her nails she'd groom them instead. We learn how to brush our teeth, make our bed, etc., I think most of behavior can be broken down into habits sort of like that. That's kind of what DBT seeks to do? http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills_list.html

[arod13]

perna interesting........ def. check that site out

[Rapunzel]

I have been told that one could pick pretty much any self-help program and follow it, and it would work on the condition that they stick to it and actually do the program. It is tempting to just read a book and think, "oh, that's nice," or interesting or whatever. That's probably what most people do most of the time, but it doesn't work because they don't actually change.

Why don't people do the stuff that they read about that makes so much sense in print? My guess is that it's the same resistance that we encounter in any kind of therapy. Change is hard and uncomfortable and there are reasons for being the way that we are, even if there are better reasons for changing. Inertia isn't easy to overcome. We might just think we'll do it later. I think that one of the most important things that therapists and support groups help with is accountability to identify and overcome resistance and actually do something. Not that people can't do that on their own - just that most of the time, most people don't do it.

I shouldn't talk. I've read lots of self-help books, and I start out with good intentions, but usually I get to a section that is hard, and I don't know how to do it, and it makes me tired just to think about it. So I put the book down for a few days/weeks/months/years. I'm somewhere in the middle of at least four different self-help books now. Counting online ones, make that at least six.

Rap

[Perna]

Interesting Rapunzel. I think there's another reason too, "change" takes time and I think I want to just "do it" and be changed. I can imagine my life if I/it were different so easily but working to make it different is such hard work; I'd much rather just imagine Reading a book is "easy" but doing all the stuff in it like it says isn't necessarily.

[arod13]

perna yeah i agree change is hard and sometimes you feel you don't have the energy to do it because it takes to long i know i just want thiings to happen over night and you know they don't