[Quarter life]

25+ years lost through grief and perpetually asking the question ‘Why Me?’ Blindly handing myself over to professionals and family members to ‘Fix’ me.

So many of us have done this, chased elusive answers to impossible questions. Finally conceding that there are no answers to why, has been the turning point to changing how I choose to live the remainder of my life. The simple fact is that mental illness bought on by trauma, genetics or environment is a lottery…..bad things happen to good people all the time.

For all those lost years I got so caught up in deciphering my feelings and fears, that I forgot to live my life. I believe that this had a great deal to do with my learning to compartmentalise, as opposed to ruminating and churning my grief and loss in my mind for years on end. Not an easy task ...at least it wasn't for me. A dreadfully steep learning curve, with many bumps along the way.

But I have now managed to put my trauma and grief into a pretty little box where it can't hurt me anymore. I know it's there, I know that it is a puzzle that I cant possibly solve and that I can open it anytime, but I resist the urge now as there are millions of other opportunities in life for me to explore.

I no longer need my feelings validated or medicated, I no longer need to know why or allocate blame.....I choose life.

Thank you for these wise observations, Quarter life. Yes, I know in my own case, I have many questions for which I will simply never receive answers. My past is a snarled ball of wire that will never be untwisted. Continuing to try to chase after answers is pointless... best to leave it where it's stored & take advantage of those opportunities that are available now & in the future.

[Just keep swimming]

Originally Posted by Quarter life

25+ years lost through grief and perpetually asking the question ‘Why Me?’ Blindly handing myself over to professionals and family members to ‘Fix’ me.

So many of us have done this, chased elusive answers to impossible questions. Finally conceding that there are no answers to why, has been the turning point to changing how I choose to live the remainder of my life. The simple fact is that mental illness bought on by trauma, genetics or environment is a lottery…..bad things happen to good people all the time.

For all those lost years I got so caught up in deciphering my feelings and fears, that I forgot to live my life. I believe that this had a great deal to do with my learning to compartmentalise, as opposed to ruminating and churning my grief and loss in my mind for years on end. Not an easy task ...at least it wasn't for me. A dreadfully steep learning curve, with many bumps along the way.

But I have now managed to put my trauma and grief into a pretty little box where it can't hurt me anymore. I know it's there, I know that it is a puzzle that I cant possibly solve and that I can open it anytime, but I resist the urge now as there are millions of other opportunities in life for me to explore.

I no longer need my feelings validated or medicated, I no longer need to know why or allocate blame.....I choose life.

What a shift in thinking! I like the idea of not having to have it all figured out before I can start to live.

During different times of my life I have spent different amounts of energy on dealing with past stuff. In the end, I think it's all worked out pretty much alright, without me trying to force it too much. I don't regret the early years of intense dealing with past stuff though. Maybe that's just how I had to do it.