[Beachlover527]

(Don't know if it's a real story but...)

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

[nija43]

How very true. But I can't put the glass down. It's easier for me to just drink the "water". Now all the stresses, pains, and worries in life are inside me. Later, I take another drink..... and then another. Sooner or later I have too much water built up inside me and eventually I explode and get everyone around me "wet".

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by nija43

How very true. But I can't put the glass down. It's easier for me to just drink the "water". Now all the stresses, pains, and worries in life are inside me. Later, I take another drink..... and then another. Sooner or later I have too much water built up inside me and eventually I explode and get everyone around me "wet".

Same. Instead of me drinking the water (Nice analogy btw), I kind of feel like my hand is glued to the cup. And sometimes it's not but sometimes it is. It's like I go back to my same old worries and fears and thoughts even if I put the glass down. That really sounds bad Worries suck SOOOO much.

[ChangingMyMind]

I like it... It's true. I also tend to drink the water until it's overflowing. Then everybody gets to deal with the aftermath.

[nija43]

If we all have basically the same issue, what can we do to help ourselves? What's the Answer? Is there an Answer?

It's one thing to say "put the glass down and let go of it" but it's a totally different thing to actually do it.

[Beachlover527]

I think it's to have confidence in yourself. If you have confidence in what you look like, what your thoughts are, how you feel about yourself, that will change everything. If you have confidence you are less worried about things, you don't let your past touch you, you don't let things hurt you anymore because you want to focus on more important things in your life. You know that you deserve a great life so you put away your fears and worries because THOSE are what limits you and puts you inside of a box. Love who you are and everything will change.

[nija43]

You really made me think. Thanks.

I never thought about it before but confidence has been THE issue in my life. (Why have I not realized this before??) Not the types you suggested, though. Mine was confidence in my abilities to learn and then put that knowledge into practice. I was really good at that. I knew that no matter what obstacle was in my way, I could overcome it. An obstacle was merely a test of my abilities. And it was always fun for me to figure out ways to overcome them. Those abilities made my career hugely successful and, therefore, enjoyable for me (and those around me).

Both before and after my career, I now realize that certain external influences from other people caused my confidence in those abilities to waver. As the influences continued and/or became greater, my confidence in my ability to get things done eventually crumbled and was gone. Those were, and still are, my problem times.

Once that confidence is gone, it's tremendously difficult to get it back. It's not knowing where to start to pick up the pieces and then not being sure how they fit together.

In my life, I have one last obstacle to overcome and then I feel (but don't know for sure) that I will have finished putting the pieces back together properly. But I definitely lack the confidence to make that move. Even if I ever did, I know that I will never have the level of self-confidence I used to have; but I do know I will be able to enjoy my life again. Right now, that's all that matters to me.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by nija43

You really made me think. Thanks.


I never thought about it before but confidence has been THE issue in my life. (Why have I not realized this before??) Not the types you suggested, though. Mine was confidence in my abilities to learn and then put that knowledge into practice. I was really good at that. I knew that no matter what obstacle was in my way, I could overcome it. An obstacle was merely a test of my abilities. And it was always fun for me to figure out ways to overcome them. Those abilities made my career hugely successful and, therefore, enjoyable for me (and those around me).


Both before and after my career, I now realize that certain external influences from other people caused my confidence in those abilities to waver. As the influences continued and/or became greater, my confidence in my ability to get things done eventually crumbled and was gone. Those were, and still are, my problem times.


Once that confidence is gone, it's tremendously difficult to get it back. It's not knowing where to start to pick up the pieces and then not being sure how they fit together.


In my life, I have one last obstacle to overcome and then I feel (but don't know for sure) that I will have finished putting the pieces back together properly. But I definitely lack the confidence to make that move. Even if I ever did, I know that I will never have the level of self-confidence I used to have; but I do know I will be able to enjoy my life again. Right now, that's all that matters to me.

So you lost confidence in learning and putting that knowledge into practice? I am a little bit lost in what your struggles are.
It seemed like you were very confident in the past and now you feel like you can't and never will achieve that same level of confidence you had.
I believe you can. If you did it once, you can do it again. You can do it. You CAN find that last puzzle piece to help you become a better person. I hope you can be the person who wish you could be soon. What if the thought that you can't were just .... Thoughts?
Believe you CAN. It WILL happen.

[nija43]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

So you lost confidence in learning and putting that knowledge into practice? I am a little bit lost in what your struggles are.

I know I was ambiguous, but I don't want to relate my life story here. Let's say that losing confidence in the main area has caused me to lose confidence in all areas. I have never shared my emotions or my problems with anyone, family or friends, except my therapist. But even then, I've never shared completely on everything. She knows that.

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

It seemed like you were very confident in the past and now you feel like you can't and never will achieve that same level of confidence you had.

It's more accurate to say that at this point in my life, I don't need the high level of confidence I used to have. But, like everyone else, I do need a certain level. I'm almost there.

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I believe you can. If you did it once, you can do it again. You can do it. You CAN find that last puzzle piece to help you become a better person. I hope you can be the person who wish you could be soon. What if the thought that you can't were just .... Thoughts?
Believe you CAN. It WILL happen.

Thank you for the encouragement. Being in therapy has helped me identify that last piece of the puzzle. The question is not if I *want* to make it fit and complete the puzzle, but *when* to do it.

I now understand that my therapy has significantly restored my self-confidence. I've been too stubborn to realize that. Now you, as a non-involved bystander, mention self-confidence and it makes me think. Many episodes in my life make better sense to me. You and my therapist ought to team up.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by nija43

I know I was ambiguous, but I don't want to relate my life story here. Let's say that losing confidence in the main area has caused me to lose confidence in all areas. I have never shared my emotions or my problems with anyone, family or friends, except my therapist. But even then, I've never shared completely on everything. She knows that.



It's more accurate to say that at this point in my life, I don't need the high level of confidence I used to have. But, like everyone else, I do need a certain level. I'm almost there.



Thank you for the encouragement. Being in therapy has helped me identify that last piece of the puzzle. The question is not if I *want* to make it fit and complete the puzzle, but *when* to do it.


I now understand that my therapy has significantly restored my self-confidence. I've been too stubborn to realize that. Now you, as a non-involved bystander, mention self-confidence and it makes me think. Many episodes in my life make better sense to me. You and my therapist ought to team up.

I am happy to hear that. You are so welcome. Hahah maybe we should!

[MissFlower]

Hey Beachlover and Nija.

By reading your stories i feel so sorry for you because i know that its holding you back on so many levels in your life. I am the same. Im an internal stresser so i stress without knowing and as it progresses i start to feel ill and all that. Of all the pressure i put myself under,i eventually explode and i just cant take thins anymore.

I do this bacause i was raised that everything should be just perfect and im not supposed to hurt people,but growing up and going trough alot i now know that NO ONE is perfect. Every single person on this planet has a right to speak their mind and its our resposability to respect others in the same way they respect us. So now i teach myself to speak up whenever something stresses me and i try my utmost best to do it in a respectful manner.

Its a change in the way you think of yourself and others.Theres alot of nice ways to do things instead of making yourself ill and inprosinong yourselfs for no good reason.I think of myself as worthy like the next and that changes alot. If someone still does not agree then agree to disagree because as individuals we all have a different view on wvweything.

Good luck and remember that you can ! The power lies in your hands and dont let other people destine your happiness. There is so much more in life then to try to be the perfect everything. You are dealing with enough as it is. Give yourselfs a break !!!

Still have trouble sleeping,get up make yourself a nice cup of arm milk or tee,drink it and think of a happy place and then get back in bed and always take nice deep breaths !! Good luck

[MissFlower]

Hi ChangingmyMind !!Nothing is impossible,everything is possible !!!

To love and respect yourself is the best gift you can give to anybody !

Good luck and remember storm clouds always passes.

[nija43]

Originally Posted by MissFlower

Every single person on this planet has a right to speak their mind and its our resposability to respect others in the same way they respect us.

If people over the centuries would have believed this, I wonder how many wars and conflicts would have *never* happened.

[MissFlower]

Originally Posted by nija43

If people over the centuries would have believed this, I wonder how many wars and conflicts would have *never* happened.

Respect ... People choose to fight. Dont worry about wars,worry about yourself getting sick by NOT speaking