Is it "safe" to pretend to be someone you're not if it helps your self-esteem?

I don't want to be an American anymore, for reasons I don't want to get into right now. So, from now on, when I travel somewhere or move to a new area (which is happening next week!), I want to tell people, "Soy de Madrid, España." Granted, I'm not a native Spanish speaker, but I speak it really fluently and the Spanish I've mastered was "Castellano" as spoken in Spain. Plus, I have a "Mediterranean" look and I've been mistaken for Spaniard/Hispanic. Actually, my paternal grandfather is from Switzerland...so Switzerland and Spain are both in Europe. I just think I'd be a happier person and less angry (anger has practically been destroying my life!) if I pretend to be someone I'm not. If I keep telling myself (in Spanish!), "I'm from Spain, and I have a beautiful wife and two daughters" (even though I don't, that's just my "dream life"...one online article even says, "If you want to be happy in life, have two daughers"), then the more I'll convince myself that it's true and I won't be so angry all the time! Do you think pretending to be someone else is a good coping mechanism/anger management technique if that's what makes me happy? I'm not an actor, btw, so it's going to be hard, at least initially. Plus, there's an inherent risk that people WILL find out the "real" me and then I'll be labeled an imposter or liar, and that would not end well. That's especially true for situations like law enforcement and work. But I'm just saying, in the general public, in non-legal and non-work situations, I want to "be from Spain." The past few weeks, I HAVE been happier overall "thinking like a Spaniard." What do you all have to say about all this?

It sounds like you are running away from yourself and your life. It may seem like a good idea right now but there will come a time when whatever the core problem is, it will come back and you will have to either face it or become a whole new stranger. The point is, in order for you to be happy in your life you need to deal with your problems through counseling of some kind. Otherwise you are just living a lie.

I guess I wouldn't do this because I would worry about the aftermath when people found out that I wasn't from Spain. I think that would make me more unhappy than whatever happiness I found telling people I was Spanish. It might be one of those things that is better if it is your secret rather than something you tell people?

I often pretend to be Irish or Australian, particularly in Spain to avoid any awkward discussions about Gibraltar.

But don't we all occasionally seek some relief from reality by thinking of ourselves in another life or persona, and you idea is just going a stage further? Really, no? It is just me then?

Reinventing yourself sounds good to me, if it makes you feel happier.

Please don't run away from this suggestion. Therapy could help you with your identity. At the very least you can express your true self to a professional non-judger. Being able to decompress your feelings is a stress reliever. That may not work with your books but mental health is such a priority.

I know its hard to remember sometimes, but everyone has capacity. What everyone does with their capacity and how they assign it is up to them. It just comes with the package of being human. You have capacity and you can assign it to start building you in that person. To do so would mean that you have to free up some of your capacity that's already being used. You can take that capacity you use to pretend you're someone else and apply it a goal.

You don't have to give up that image. Just look at it a different way. In stead of being something imaginary and unreal, that image could be a goal. My words might not mean much. Know that potential is inherent, just as much as it is in me as it is in you.

you made me laugh

i... don't see the harm, actually, when you put it the way you do.

i think it might turn into something... worthy of a book or movie... if you actually started to become close to someone and you ended up with this whole web of fiction. but, meh. seems pretty understandable, to me.

You can do all of those things without lying: You are already a man who looks mysteriously like someone from the Mediterranean and speaks fluent Castellano flawlessly, but is actually American (sorry, can't change this for you). Now meet and make some Latinos friends, they are a lot of fun!! Enjoy their rich culture of delicious mojitos and sexy, sultry Latin dance. Meet a beautiful Latin woman in dance class, fall in love and have two gorgeous daughters with dark hair and caramel skin. It is do able.