[lovethesun]

I'm trying something new. Everytime I wave at someone who does not wave back, have someone on my rear bumper driving like a jerk, get behind a slow person in a check out line at a store.....I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. I'm telling myself, maybe they drive like a jerk because they will get fired if they are late for their job, maybe they are not waving back at me because they are deep in thought, maybe they are slow in the check out line because they have an illness........I don't know how long I'll be able to do this since my initial reaction is that people are jerks in general and I've never been one to just "let things slide"....especially when I'm 90% sure the person is actually being a jerk in spite of any excuse I can come up with. But it has taken the edge off of life for me to some degree. Guess that is worth something.

[Alone & confused]

Giving people the benefit of the doubt in MY life usually just serves to prove I was right about them to begin with. But, we all do whatever we have to do to get by. Good luck with that! I hope it helps you! I wish I could be so positive.

[Hope 51]

Oh my, yes there is great value in giving others the benefit of the doubt. No denying there are plenty of jerks out there, but even jerks deserve mercy sometimes. Good for you for trying on a new/positive attitude toward certain undeserving people.
Keep it up...you are making a difference.

[barbella]

Thanks for this, lovethesun. I suspect most people being jerks wouldn't recognize what they're doing as being a jerk. So bizarre. I find when I give ppl the benefit of the doubt, that actually takes *me* out of the equation - as in they are not doing this in particular to me. They are just thoughtless or whatever it is. Their problem, not mine.

[Perry Gunite]

I hope that helps and works for you lovethesun.
At the core, we have no control nor should on other people and their actions. In my mind, If they act like a jerk it is a reflection of them. I don't have to absorb it or react to it. That is my choice. I agree that people can act differently if they are under stress. I still don't feel it gives them the right to treat others badly. But if and when they do, I too choose to just move out of the way, not absorb or react, and choose to let them be who they are.
I hope your experiment bears fruitful peace for you.

[hvert]

Life is a lot less stressful that way, but I find it really hard to sustain and not fall back into my usual thinking patterns.

In the end, it doesn't matter if I get upset at the driver blocking my way or don't get upset. Me being mad doesn't make them drive any better, and all it does is stress me out.

[Shauren]

I have taken the view most of my life that people aren't jerks and generally speaking I've had a pretty stress free life. But I don't know which caused which.

However, now that I've past my half a century, I'm realising that there are more jerks than I had thought!

But there is a spectrum of jerkiness (for want of a better word for it) so now rather than getting wound up by the occasional confirmed jerk, I'm mildly irritated by jerky people in general.

On the plus side, I now know people probably think me a jerk whatever I do, so that's one thing I don't have to worry about any more. I'm think I'm comfortable with that.