For a long time now, I've often had this heavy feeling in my chest that feels like it's pulling me down.. Today I was thinking about it and reckoned it's anxiety.

The other day, I saw a doctor who prescribed me anti-depressants that are also supposed to help with anxiety. She told me to think about whether or not I want to start taking them, but that she would strongly advice me to do so.. I REALLY don't want to take them - I don't feel depressed. I get through my days fine and do find enjoyment in many things. My 'only' problem is PTSD and the fact that after years of therapy, I'm at the heart of the initial trauma that messed me up. I think it's normal to feel anxious and panicky to be dealing with something so heavy. What I'd like is just a bit of time in the form of a sick leave to work through this 'worst' phase, and then I believe I will start to feel better, organically. The only reason I'm considering starting the meds is because apparently, it's hard to get benefits if I refuse them..

Just now, I felt hungry, but too tired to cook, with this heavy feeling - anxiety - in my chest pulling me down.. And I was trying to convince myself maybe I need to take the meds to feel better.. But immediately, a voice in my head asked, 'Why are you anxious?' And at that moment I realised this is my way of coping - to actually deal with things instead of just trying to make myself feel better.

Up till now, I've felt like a real bore for dealing with my issues, for talking/writing about them so much and working through them. I've felt I should just try and feel better and look happy in front of my friends. But now I realise that's not my way. I want to deal with and work through things - that's what helps me! If it's not the right way for someone else, then it's not We all do what's best for ourselves.

[Skeezyks]

Well said...