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#1
Since kindergarten, I have been in the doghouse for talking to much. Wrote "I will not talk in class" sentences thousands of times in elementary school. Sometimes it helps me, sometimes it hurts me. My goal is to stick to more meaningful and purposeful conversations. The kind that encourage people or serve a useful purpose. And for my H--no repetition and less confusion. I have been working on this and improving but have a long way to go. According to this article:
Think Before You Speak you should think this before speaking: 1. Do you actually have something to say? 2. Consider your audience. 3. Consider your purpose. 4. Are you being specific? 5. Think about the words you choose. 6. Are you making an assumption? 7. Are you aware of your body language and tone of voice. I definitely need to follow these tips more consistently. Does anyone else at PC struggle in any of these areas? |
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Sassandclass
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: NW Louisiana
Posts: 1,214
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#2
Question 8: Does the other person actually *want* to hear what you want to say?
I tend to expect or hope other people will be brief and concise, but then I have trouble doing the same. __________________ | manic-depressive with psychotic tendencies (1977) | chronic alcoholism (1981) | Asperger burnout (2010) | mood disorder - nos / personality disorder - nos / generalized anxiety disorder (2011) | chronic back pain / peripheral neuropathy / partial visual impairment | Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumors (incurable cancer) | |
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Anonymous57777
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Member Since Jul 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 4
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#3
I find more meaning in a conversation if I listen. If the conversation gives me a purpose, I consider my purpose carefully before I speak of it to anyone.
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Anonymous57777
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#4
I have decided that when I talk to much it is because I am mentally unstable.
When I am afraid to talk freely to my husband, bad things are going on in my head about my relationship with him. I need to be more upfront with him about my thoughts. When I am mentally stable, many of my conversations have been meaningful and helpful. So, my new thought is talk less about myself (so boring) but don't be afraid to express yourself. However, if you are angry at someone, wait for your anger to cool (sleep on it) before telling anyone off. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
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#5
Quote:
I still have days where I need to remind myself of these rules. It has been helpful that I have been teaching an online ESL class for a while. I can go back and view previous classes and see my strengths and weaknesses. My strengths include varied intonation, high energy and a happy demeanor. My weaknesses include talking too much (ESL is about giving the student as much time as possible to talk and respond then just focusing on a few corrections because IMO, they will remember better if you just focus on a few pointers and not try to fix or help them understand everything that comes to mind), saying too many filler words (I have fixed most of this by watching previous classes) and looking at the camera (this one is more about being getting better in front of a camera). Also, it is always good to be in the moment so that you can pick up on the other person and respond in the moment. When I am in the flow, I am good at this but can occasionally have a day where I feel distracted though it is less likely to happen in the morning for me (hardly ever) because I usually wake up feeling positive. IMO sometimes our personal struggles can take us out of flow. This is not about my ESL classes but I am learning not to share as much before considering how the person will respond. Sometimes it is better to say nothing at all; however, when it is important but you are not sure the advice will be well received, I like the tips in Dr. Grace Lee's video including her suggested buffers (and if they say its not OK to share, then I need to resist the urge to tell them anyways ): 5 Best Phrases to Express Your Opinions without Offending Anyone - YouTube |
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TishaBuv
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 598
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#6
I am having a dream that I can speak at all....
It sounds wonderful. Any kind of conversation is alright with me. I would speak to open air in the desperation that someone talked to me for once in my life. And if it were ever deep and meaningful conversation, then I might bust a gut trying to say anything at all once more. I've gotten out of not talking at all. And it is wonderful. Just med-checks trained me to have a way to say things that is ingrained in my head. Since I never speak, the check-ups seemed to make me a more conversing person. It was a big jump. And even thought it was a med-check, I was thrilled I talked. I feel like I'm going far in this world in the near future because of the doctors. Once more it all matters. Not talking at all, it seems to have made me a bad conversationalist. I wish I had taken the time out to just speak to so many people. Never thought they would really accept it though. That was a farce though. Not talking at all made me wish so much later that I could even just voice my opinion. And there is some information that says I don't have to worry so much about it all. Need to get through it. But deep conversation is the best. |
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TunedOut
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
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#7
Quote:
It is wonderful when we can express ourselves and you did it very well in your post! I hope you have the opportunity to talk to more people that just the people checking your meds. I am glad your doctors are helping you. It has been a few years because lines aren't like they used to be but I used to go through certain people's checkout lines at the grocery store because we sometimes had good conversations (but not deep , I suppose I was starved for any kind of conversation?) |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
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#8
Another important skill needed to have meaningful and purposeful conversations:
How to Improve Active Listening Skills (Your Secret Weapon to Listen Better) - YouTube |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
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#9
Another great video from Dr. Grace Lee. Though it is titled--How to Remember Everything You Read--I think a better title would be--How to Become Better at Learning. I will paraphrase/use my own words to summarize but she discusses "Five Hacks""
1) "Hack your beliefs"--If you believe you can't learn or change--that will sabotage your ability to learn. Some of our beliefs come from emotional attachments that are part of our subconscious programming but many are limiting and not true. 2) "Hack your state"--learn to manage your emotions--my POV is that shame and unforgiveness of self and/or others makes it harder to move forward in life. 3) "Hack your activities"--jump right in and start learning and doing even when you aren't quite ready because we learn by doing. 4) "Hack your mind"--understand the stages of learning--the first stage is understanding what we don't know. There are areas in our life where we are unaware of what we don't know. If we think we know we are not going to be able to learn. 5) "Hack your focus"--focus on positive things and goals. How to Remember Everything You Read - 5 Simple Hacks to Learn Anything Faster - YouTube |
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