[saidso]

I don't know whether to post on her Knitchick or to start another thread. I'll try here. I've made a rule for myself after years of forcing myself to do things, workaholic stuff. If it's not an emergency, then I need to sit quietly with my self until I want to do it. Because wanting to do something means that I'm ready for a connection to that person/people to that task etc.

I guess this comes from doing a lot of meditation/ martial arts type stuff that emphasises relaxed action.

BUT here I am today and I need to get up very early tomorrow (if it's not raining) to burn some hedge clippings. I can't afford to pay for them to be collected like my neighbours do and since I have no car and almost never use airplanes I'm not going to get manipluated by the eco-brigade. I spread the potash ashes on my vegetable patch.

However in winter here getting up early means that it's still night... I need to do the bonfire so as to clear out my garage. Usually I'm ok about tidying, but I haven't been ok about getting up early this winter.

Might have to go back to the old habits of forcing it, set alarm, put warm clothes over my pjs.

This probably has no relevance to anyone here on this thread or PC. It's a way that I work with myself in absence of good therapy. Main reason for writing here is that often the distancing effect of "getting it out there" enables cogs to get freed up and to whir round internally.

The "connection" thing because it is changing how I hold boundaries in myself and with other people quite a lot. I never had time or space in my life to explore this previously.

Def not hijacking your thread Knitchick and hoping that the kniting group goes on being a way out into the world for you! You sound like you put some effort into finding the right one for you.

Saidso

Hi saidso, you can post in this thread if you want to. I don't take offense.

What you said makes sense to me about not forcing yourself to do something. We are all different and maybe that works for you. I find, for me, that if I want to do it, it's easier, but not always. I do think it is healthy for all of us to be able to make our own choices about our lives, and keep ourselves safe emotionally and physically. That was taken away from me when I was a teen and early 20s. I didn't really get to decide for myself (my mother decided for me), and fear ruled my life and kept me stuck as well.

I should really read over this thread for inspiration, but I have no motivation atm.

Anyway, I almost quit my DBT group last week. The stress from last week took a lot out of me. So, no I haven't been doing social stuff really. I will get back to it (the swing of things). I will.

However, I haven't written here in 20 days. One thing I did do was join my church. Officially.

Things are not perfect, and I don't feel very active lately, but here's a list of things I have been doing: gratitude journal, calming myself down and easing my stress, the gym, my laundry, took out my trash, I started making a necklace (It's very original looking..pretty and quirky), spending some time with my mom and dad.

OH, I'd enrolled in a program for medical billing and coding. I took the first class, and withdrew. It was not for me. However, that took a lot of energy out of me too. The prep, the decision, the stress, yeah. It all happened SO fast. At first, I was like, "wtf just happened?" After I quit. But I think I've moved on now.

A friend of mine, a few weeks back, said to me, "pick one social thing each week that you will do, and just commit to that." I rather like this idea.

Also I notice that I am being critical of myself. Hugs to me.

[prb32]

Hi! I think it's really great how self aware you are in understanding why you don't follow through. I agree it is important to discover the "how" as you said, but sometimes first you have to go to the root of the issue. Cheering you on as you start you journey!

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Hi. So I have struggled with following through with social things (in the past, currently, and I'm only assuming in the future as well, lol).

This issue, and how bad or good it gets is something that ebbs and flows. There have been times where it wasn't really an issue (For like a few weeks in October, I was following through with everything! It was awesome!), and there are times, like currently, when it's just been difficult to get myself to do the stuff I know will 1.) make me feel connected, 2.) bring me chances to meet people, make friends, etc, 3.) make my life more interesting and engaging, 4.) give me something I need (anti-loneliness antidote), and 5.) give me a feeling of accomplishment, pride, etc.

My goal is to follow through with the social things I choose to do, such as: knitting group, meet up groups, meditation group, as well as other things I choose along the way.

This is not going to go smoothly, lol. I can tell you right now you're not going to see ribbons and banners in each post of like "woohoo I went to another thing! go me!" You will sometimes see that though too, not gonna lie.

For a while, I've been "trying to figure it out." Like "Why." Why do I do this? I'm not sure that's really helpful though. Not as much as "How." How can I get myself to do these things despite feeling initial resistance? How can I get myself to not act on that resistance? How can I follow through, instead?

Everyone is different, and some people do not experience this at all and don't even know what I'm talking about. This is my developmental and cellular make up though. And it is my personal challenge.

Join me on my journey, won't you? I'm open to support, ideas, thoughts, hugs, likes, etc. The idea of people just reading and not saying anything is so awkward, but I also assuming that's what will happen most actually, lol.

See you in my next post.

@prb32 Hi prb32, welcome to the forums. Thanks for your support. In doing "the work," I've come to find that I do have why reasons. I'm still doing the same things to help myself though, regardless of the why. The way I am getting help does not change. Thank you for the encouragement!