Twin Wins™: Advances Get the Award; Set Backs get an Obit

Revu2 · Jun 24, 2020 at 01:03 PM

I’m haunted by Missed Gains, Lost Time, Prior Regrets, and all that mess. Feelings swirl, unresolved, wandering inside me seeking home.
Must end the open quests,
Or I’ll have no rest,
and the interference detracts
from my living best.

Here’s the twin win™: BOTH advances and set backs need processing! So, turning to my strengths to do this I look toward writing.

Advances: Get an Award statement. Dim Lining: regrets involved.
Set Backs: I write their Obituary. Bright Lining: lessons advanced

Revu2 · Oct 05, 2020 at 11:52 AM

This Friday I watched as painters left my condo. Ending a 9 year effort to get our new siding. It took, in the final years, a tremendous effort by my partner as board president to drag this thing through.
Praise her for her determination. Praise to myself, too, for sticking it through. True, about 5 times over the course I wanted to just walk away. But to where? I live here. This is my home.

And that distinction is part of a larger challenge in the "condo market." First, for those of us who are not flipping or renting, we don't live in a 'market.' This is IT, home, hearth, and haven. I want to live among beauty, not a value appreciation for resale.

This took all of the political will I could spare. It drew me away from additional challenges within the condo and my larger life. I've had to suffer ignorant but assertive and skeptical people. Others who overstacked the plans and then recoiled in sticker shock. Some stood in the way and did all they could to block. Who, when directly asked to be civil and apply some manners, dodged (that is refused). Who had to be out smarted to get off the board. Others froze with the price of it all and just marked time.

Experiences like this have an indelible quality which surpasses "lessons learned."

I'm awarded the Condo Medal of Service for this long haul.

This is an Obit, too, and that's to signify I'm letting it go. It's over. We reach the shore. Time to deal with the final papers (filing and shredding) and distribute the siding samples to anyone with interest.

My "inheritance" from this may be a chance to share our journey with other condos.

So be it.
And so it is.

####

delightful · Oct 06, 2020 at 07:42 PM

So be it!
And so it is.
Congrats on getting it done. It has been a long haul.

1

Revu2 · 02:00 PM

Learning to identify and lead my inner saboteurs. This work is being popularized by Shirzad Chamine (SC) via his Positive Intelligence book, app, courses, & website.

SC had identified 10 a patterns, The Judge plus 9 Others, which he scores when you take the test:
Controller (My score: 8.1)
Hyper-rational (7.5)
Hyper-achiever (3.8)
Victim (1.9)
Stickler (1.3)
Hyper-Vigilant (1.3)
Avoider (0.6)
Restless (0.0)
Pleaser (0.0)

So, from the top, getting friendly with these traits by going down the list. Even the 0.0 scored ones as they show up in other people.

Controller ~ Podcast worth a listen, have to screen out the too much laughter 'noise.' [It's a controller trait to critique ... aye!]

Hyper-Rational ~ [from Manifestera] and here.

This is my second day on this run, having looked into the Controller yesterday. Re: the horoscope reading of hyper-rational, fits me close enough. SC concludes:

Quote:

Original Survival Function: The Hyper-Rational is a good survival strategy in early childhood circumstances of emotional turmoil or chaotic surroundings. The escape into the neat and orderly rational mind generates a sense of security or a sense of intellectual superiority. It also gains us attention and praise by showing up as the smartest person in the room.

Mostly my escape was into books, imagination, games, and projecting a better life after I left home. Smartest person in the room, guilty at times. Mainly because my mind floated in a zone where it worked really fast.

Next up, listening the The Davenport's podcast's take on this trait. Oh, they haven't gotten to this one yet. Alternative: mental fitness explained.

Ever growing via self-adjustments,

Revu2

Revu2 · Sep 02, 2022 at 11:11 AM

Next up, Mr. Hyper Achiever (H.A). Steep fall off in the score, though you wouldn't believe that from my posts on the Measly Steps a Day thread.

Found a series on Mental Fitness by trained MF / PI (Positive Intelligence) coaches.

Traps
If I can't be my best, I'd rather not do it.
Need to be perfect i all my roles.
Avoid getting connected with feelings.
Moving the goal lines.

Questions
Where does this drive coming from?
Am I happy now?

Sources: conditional love set-ups from adults when a child. Need for tangible, externally visible. Rewarded and soaking up the validation. Do it all messages. Reactions to dysfunctional contexts and creating the appearance of success.

Lies HA tells: a. life is about achieving and producing results. BUT Peace and happiness too are ways of achieving. b. Show an image of success. BUT, to whom? Better to thyself. c. Feelings might stop my success. BUT, take a breath, "I understand you" and let's take a moment to FEEL what's happening inside.

Restless pattern a partner with HA. Pleaser, gender.

Counter moves. A. Deep breathing and empathize with self. B. Writing down your feelings, many times a day. C. Do one thing a day you really like at heart. D. When harsh on self, how would you deal with this if I were a child. E. Explore with open mind what might be contributing to HA. F. Flash forward to older, maturer self and ask from that perspective what future self would like you to do right now. G. have a little fun.

###

Revu2 · Sep 03, 2022 at 11:27 AM

Victim. Even lower. Something I've actively pulled against, so no surprise.

Podcast. Tend to withdrawing. Repressed rage. Constant fatigue. Overful awareness of emotions, uniqueness of self and others and perceptive of the workings of the mind.

Emotions over strong. Feelings of sorry for themselves, and struggle asking for help. Easier to complain than to ask.

VictimSide Lies: Playing the victim dramatically will evoke the love you deserve. Feeling sad ramps up the internal feelings and ruminations, paradoxically crowding out motives to reach out or dial it down.

Downside: Exhausting! Self-pity rather than self-love. Pushing people away via tests of whether they love you enough. Frustrates others because they want to help, you push them off, and they give up. More downsides: missing out. Non-invites to gatherings/meals/parties.

Learn the Positive Intelligence Reps (Called PQ Reps on the podcast). Watch for possibilities. Focus on the 20% positive thoughts. Yes, and. ###

Revu2 · Sep 04, 2022 at 01:10 PM

podcast

As condo pres. this is one I hate to invoke. I really don't like being the Resident Parent to ... everyone, even other supposedly adult/responsible owners.

Stickler: High ideals, standards, principles, discerning, direct.

Irritable, critical, sarcastic, strong need for self-restraint, sensitive to criticism, works over-time to deal with slack from others.

Shows up: stressed, anxious, & working hard and can't stop even if exhausted. Writer's block.

Also: "Don't try!" Messages for doing first time things perfectly; adds stress. Always, one more thing to do before something is ready! (i have that).

Lies: Better feeling if things done properly. FALSE. Have to do X right or not bother at all. FALSE. Remedy: query hidden standards.

Set unachievable standards. FALSE. Remedy: ask what would a more achievable goals look like. More Advanced Yet Acceptable. MAYA.

Costs. Insecurity, self-doubts, stress, avoiding the new. Relational: frustrated and overbearing. Overchecking to make sure something is right: delays, fatigue.

PQ Rip: Tool in PI to quiet down the survival brain. Creates a sense of calm or pause. Calm the Survival Brain, use calm anchor, breathe, carry on. Sage into the Emphasize Sage Power: what is the most loving thing I can say or do for myself right now.

18:00 Questions back to The Stickler:
What if I enjoy it?
What is available to me if I didn't have to pretend I was perfect?
Connects to explore power and curiosity. Ready to innovate.

Use the 20/80 rule to silence the stickler on the 80% side. Save the 20% of when you're really need it.

Sue Das co-host site. ###

Revu2 · Sep 06, 2022 at 02:12 AM

podcast. list of episodes.

Really good at times of danger. Preserver of systems/structures known to work.

Feelings of jumpy, on edge, look of concern, suspicious mien, lots for what rules are not active, missing, and anxious when "they can't call the shots."

Judge Tags in. Biggest Lies: Life is full of danger. Security comes from planning. Judge: you let your guard down, you could have prevented this. If something bad can happen, it will. (Murphy's Law).

PQ Rips: Tuning into senses one at a time, in detail. Rubbing fingers, what's the furthest sound you can hear.

Revu2 · Sep 06, 2022 at 11:44 AM

Tumbling down my scores, I have a tiny positive value as an Avoider.

Thoughts: just too unpleasant, this will take care of itself, if I generate open conflict I'll lose connection, I'd rather give way than create a scene. Excuse maker.

Collect your "nos." Get a lot. Old salespeople technique.

Keep fears of the "not right words, not right time, not right way" at bay.

Remedies: Turn down this voice: Big deep breaths, calm the nervous system, "you're going to get through this. It's not the end of the world." Somewhere we're still innocent kids. Anchors for calm, focus, courage, bold. Hold a crystal, rock, charm, card. Sage: Search for the gift in the negative situation. What did you learn about the ~ease~ of what was avoided. Absorb criticism or feedback as a gift (block the avoider from avoiding the input).

Sage Activate: Anticipate that Avoider will be showing up, do the PQ exercises preemptively.

Revu2 · Sep 07, 2022 at 11:40 AM

Don't show up with this one, according to their tests.

Greater excitement, activity. Often bored, for escaping fears, anxieties. Like to stay busy, scatters, lots of plans, seek excitement from a variety of things. Bounce. Fleeing emotions. Maybe begins in school structures: too smart for the coursework.

Lies: multiasking is great, I'm productive. Life is short Y O L O, F O M O. You only live once, Fear of Missing Out.

Costs: relationships. Starter, not finishers. Missed due dates. Smudged reputation. Shallow and poor memory. Missing alert systems built in emotions.

Sage: Recognize you're in restless. STOP. Do a PQ Rep. Make note of the creative idea. Commit to getting to it later, for now, stay focused.

The doomloop dot com. ###

Revu2 · Sep 09, 2022 at 01:10 AM

The last short of the master Sabo, the Judge. Don't show up much with this. Here goes.

Puts others needs ahead of their own. People seem selfish or ungrateful. I can make anyone like me. If I don't rescue people, who will. Seeks external validation. If they don't say or acknowledge me I don't feel worthy on my own.

Strengths: empathy, giving, loving, tune into others feelings and needs, emotionally self-aware.

Shows up: Why don't people acknowledge what I do for them? Lies: a. I'm not doing this for myself. And I don't expect anything in return. The wold would be a better place if we all did this. True: expect love, recognition, gifts or money. What if someone doesn't like me?

Costs: Taking care of self falls lower on the priority list. Avoid delegating to others what they are capable of doing. Also drives people away who didn't ask for help who you try to rescue.

Sage Moves: Self-love, question self about Why am I doing this? Watch for that 'should' motive. Honor this as a strength to look after others AFTER first looking after yourself. Allow self to be drawn towards inner joy. EXPLORE, ask questions, confirm assistance is wanted. INNOVATE, shake up your patterns. Use the 80/20 Rule to narrow where you will, and wont, allow the Pleaser to have the mic.

I'm back at the controller, the top of the line up, for quotes searching and other fun. ###

Revu2 · Jan 23, 2023 at 01:36 PM

Day 1: watched the video that introed the course. Won't do this rigidly everyday as I have other urgencies holding my feet to the floor. But I will get through them all.

Day 1: reflect on a 'lucky' experience. After a sad experience when Mattel dropped their vac-u-form toy with no announcement as far as I could tell I reasoned through to "ha, if you write the ads, you always have something fun to do." So I began to follow ad campaigns and read books about it. Age: 12. Forward 8 years and I'm nearly out of college when an alum came to give a talk on creativity. Seeing his background was advertising I went. And somehow cadged a seat at the table when he had lunch. Then I thought that was interesting and got back to dreading the draft and also dreading really attending law school to avoid it. (1974).

But wait, the speaker got word back to me that if I wasn't doing anything after college give him a call. I did call, and he found me a place to work in his really big agency. Pretty lucky break.

Revu2 · Jan 26, 2023 at 11:55 AM

Today's prompt is to put one's sense of luck on a scale of 1 to 7. What I found interesting is that in the short vid chance and luck seemed synonymous. Do i feel that? He then asked about your partner, work, studies, career, etc. and proposed considering what might have been if you'd missed that train, or didn't happen on a stack of books in your prof's office.

I feel the scale moves. Right now, I feel about 5.8. A week ago, when I felt moved to find my luck notes, I felt around 3.5 and it frustrated me to no end. Things just kept tripping me us and I thought to myself my luck had changed.

If this were Motivational Interviewing there would be 2 more questions. (a) What might move this 3 points higher, so it's more than 6? and (b) Why not a lower score? I listed these backwards, oh well.

(b) Despite some issues with my dental health, and my mom's recent death, and all the problems, hassles, and lack of caring from United Airlines with my trip back to Seattle, and a "confused" set of owners in my condo, I feel the stable things have still stable. Might have been far worse all along the way.

(a) Attending to getting connected again and in a rhythm with my friends, playing and studying more bridge with my partner, moving matters along where I have authority, persisting and resolving only standing issues, taking up "flash hobbies" and maybe meeting someone to share a short adventure*, taking my own pace to work through the 31 day Luck School.

* Right now it's independent films and I met someone who works at the cinema which shows them, but she has not returned my message to catch more showings. Oh well, I have one more CD here today and I might watch it this afternoon if I get my work done efficiently this morning. Speaking of which,

I gottogo, r

Revu2 · Jan 28, 2023 at 01:45 PM

This time a series of questions, answer on a scale of 1 to 5.

1. Do you talk to strangers while queuing up in a shopping line?
Ans. 5. I love talking while waiting. Usually I might ask about what's in their cart, if they like it or recommend it, and share what's in mine.

2. I don't have a tendency to feel anxious or worry about life? Ans. 4.

3. I'm open to new experiences like dishes or drinks. Ans. 4.

4. I often listen to my gut feelings and hunches. Deals with intuition. Ans. 5.

5. I"ve tried some techniques to induce my intuition such as meditation or going to a quiet space. Ans 5

6. I nearly always expect good things to happen to me in the future. Ans. 4.

7. I tend to try to get what I want from life even if the chances of success seem slim. Ans. 5

8. I expect most of the people I meet to be pleasant, friendly, and helpful. Ans. 5.

9. I tend to look on the bright side of whatever happens to me. Ans. 4

10. I believe even negative events will turn out well for me in the long run. Ans. 4.

11. I don't tend to dwell on the thing that haven't worked out well for me in the past. Ans. 4

12. I try to learn from the mistakes that I've made in the past. Ans. 5

Revu2 · Jan 29, 2023 at 12:53 PM

Good acronym ...
Look for good luck in bad
Uncover you intuition
Cultivate positive expectations
Keen to enjoy chance opportunities (or chance chances)

Challenge: look out for chance chances today!

OK, more later. R.

Revu2 · Jan 31, 2023 at 12:45 PM

Friendships, extroverted personality have an advantage. If you have a close enough network of 300 people, and each of those knoe 300 people you don't know, just with one level you have 90,000 people!

Six Degrees of closeness = 729,000,000,000,000

4° of closeness = 8,100,000,000

Current world population: 8,014,186,273

ha, 4° levels should cover everyone.

Revu2 · Feb 03, 2023 at 11:08 AM

.

Based on the Book: Kaizen: One small step can change your life.

What tiny thing can I do to reach a friend? Be kind to others? Strengthen a connection?

Revu2 · Feb 05, 2023 at 01:35 PM

Day 7: Open up awareness, even when stressed. This allows picking up on details in view. Lucky people notice more.
Day 8: Relaxed people notice more.
Day 9: Play The Dice Pick game.

List 6 new things that invite interaction you haven't done much yet.
1. Retake iPad photo course at Apple store (and actually take some pix this time)
2. Find and take a 1-day screen/script-writing class.
3. Attend 1 day Bird Watching class. Take binox.
4. Find 3 chapel like rooms I haven't been to and "chance" meet a random person at at least 1. If not this round, add 3 more.
5. Go early to a subscription library (taking some books to donate) and buy the $5 single day pass. Sit and pretend to read. Talk to everybody.
6. I DO play bridge, AND there's a game a ferry ride away that would be interesting to make the effort to go play at.

Note: all these limited to a single day as I'm whelmed with duties and responsibilities.

I'll roll tomorrow. R

Revu2 · Feb 06, 2023 at 11:24 PM

#3, Birdwatching. Research time.

1. A meetup! Berries and Birds at the Mountaineers Club. March 2. (middle of my busy times). I'll see.
2. Audubon Society, random walks, no registration. Also a list of other bird watching (BW) activities. This is cool. I think the National Audubon Society changed their name. It's now Nature Forward. As an occasional naming consultant, That's a decent name. Seattle was the first when the board voted for a change, but didn't give a new name or a date for its switching.

That's good for starters. R

Revu2 · Feb 12, 2023 at 12:24 PM

Day 10 tip: lucky people listen to their hunches. I learned as a child that "listen to" has 2 meanings: a) my ears work and I heard what you said, and b) Hear & Obey. There's a 3rd area I try to live in, I listen and cross check before I act.

To me, there's 4 key answers: hunches that were lucky, hunches that were wrecks, no hunch but luck arrived anyway, and no hunch that were wrecks.

Hunch-lucky. After seemingly a lifetime of not being ready to hold a relationship, I put my time into correcting it. I gave myself a goal even I would laugh at, and read books like the story of the 3 Princes of Serendip for clues. [here's an article.]

One story I read made a deep impact. A young and poor new pastor for a small church badly needed a car. A friend said clear a space for the car and see what happens next. So the pastor cleared out the garage at the house he'd just bought. While doing so, a church member noticed while driving by and asked if he could rent the space as he had to travel for several months and didn't want to leave his car parked on the streets. The pastor offered to exchange "free" storage if he could use the car in the member's absence. Of course, and the pastor got his car for free.

I took that to hint at making spaces in my shared apartment for my unknown for inbound lover. A bit of space on my shelf in the bathroom for toothbrushes and such. A corner in my dresser drawer, a space in my closet to hang clothes. … We've been together 41 years this November.

hunch-wreck. this gotta be said quick so I can move forward. Hunches mixed with my manic state make for disasters. When I finally crashed in to rock bottom (funny, it's never I hit pillow bottom), looking back I saw a long pattern of mania. Finally, after a time of serious hard work everything seems to fall into place. My immediate feeling, even now, is whoa, ride this run! Rather than the work is paying off, cruise here a while to enjoy the feeling, then step ashore. Wish I'd known: the money, the gaffs, the lost relationships ... moving forward.

No hunch - lucky. This is pure chance luck, like when I found 2 $100 bills folded together on the floor in a restaurant. Yeah I called the place and told them I had found some money. If a customer came back asking, here's my contact. Legally, it's suppose to go to the store; I can only guess who wrote that law.

no hunch - wreck. Pure chance bad luck. Like getting stranded in the San Francisco airport, and having my baggage lost temporarily, on Christmas eve. I have a side-self which only shows up in emergency situations which does a good job of getting me out of danger. Ended up sharing a 12 hour rented-car trip with a nice enough guy.

Be lucky & smart!

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Twin Wins™: Advances Get the Award; Set Backs get an Obit

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delightful Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: United States Posts: 445 4 13 hugs given	Oct 06, 2020 at 07:42 PM #3 So be it! And so it is. Congrats on getting it done. It has been a long haul. 1
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Revu2 Grand Member Member Since Aug 2013 Posts: 856 11 4 hugs given	Feb 03, 2023 at 11:08 AM #17 . Based on the Book: Kaizen: One small step can change your life. What tiny thing can I do to reach a friend? Be kind to others? Strengthen a connection? __________________
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