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Old 10-14-2020, 03:48 PM   #1
Zoeing
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I'm not feeling so good. Who does, right?

Since a kid, my parents never said one encouraging word, not one. Always negative, even before situation goes bad. Always I do something wrong. Their viewpoint is, if I'm doing great, there's nothing needed to be said. *eyes roll - how about being supportive and reassuring!

How I hate talking to them. But, I've no one to talk to. So I go back now and then. And ending up in argument. Such a vicious cycle, and so bad for my health.

People say, oh you should treasure your "loved ones" do not take them for grant. One day you'll lose them blah blah blah.

I'm so sick and tired of the whole world. So sick and tired of people get along with other people, and all the people in general.

Tell me, anyone feeling the same? Similar? This whole pandemic thing is pulling me down.
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Old 10-15-2020, 07:21 AM   #2
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I can relate to your parent situation. This year has made me realize that I have to stop looking to them for any validation or encouragement. They don't seem to agree with my approach in life, so will I ever get their support? I need to stand on my own and validate myself. In my situation, my parents (mostly my mother) has always had expectations for me that I never wanted to follow. at times, I tried to please her, but would give up after realizing it wasn't what I wanted. She would be disappointed. She thinks she knows how I should 'be'. Isn't that my decision?

You can treasure loved ones emotionally and accept them. But, maybe looking for their support is separate. Their ideas on things and their values are likely not the same as ours. They might be negative about what we are doing because they are trying to protect or control us because of their own expectations of us. I am not sure they will ever support us the way we want to be supported.

I keep telling myself: Be who you are and believe in yourself.
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Old 10-15-2020, 06:17 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Yzen View Post
I can relate to your parent situation. This year has made me realize that I have to stop looking to them for any validation or encouragement. They don't seem to agree with my approach in life, so will I ever get their support? I need to stand on my own and validate myself. In my situation, my parents (mostly my mother) has always had expectations for me that I never wanted to follow. at times, I tried to please her, but would give up after realizing it wasn't what I wanted. She would be disappointed. She thinks she knows how I should 'be'. Isn't that my decision?

You can treasure loved ones emotionally and accept them. But, maybe looking for their support is separate. Their ideas on things and their values are likely not the same as ours. They might be negative about what we are doing because they are trying to protect or control us because of their own expectations of us. I am not sure they will ever support us the way we want to be supported.

I keep telling myself: Be who you are and believe in yourself.

Thank you sooo much! Really appreciate this. The most frustrating thing for me, is that they say hurtful words when we disagree with each other, unreservedly. Some are even unfounded, especially my dad.

Let's say if you tell someone to be better at something or do things in a certain way, you better be good at it yourself, or doing it that way yourself right? That's the most upsetting with them.

Parents like to put out their "parents demeanours", or "dignity" whatever you call it.

Sad thing, though, is that when I'm championing, I don't have anyone to celebrate with. And when I'm down and out, I don't have anyone to talk or cry on...

Anyway, enough of this rainy day bs

Thanks again for the encouraging comment.
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Old 10-15-2020, 08:34 PM   #4
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I wonder why they don't like you to disagree with them and say hurtful things. Is it because they feel you should believe and agree with everything they say? Maybe it was that way when you were a toddler, but not as an adult.

I hope the rain clears up tomorrow.
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Old 10-18-2020, 05:22 PM   #5
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I wonder why they don't like you to disagree with them and say hurtful things. Is it because they feel you should believe and agree with everything they say? Maybe it was that way when you were a toddler, but not as an adult.

I hope the rain clears up tomorrow.

It's complicated and hard to describe accurately. You're right - it's part being protective (both sides) that leads to control. Then, when the other party doesn't listen, the blame comes, and it is out of control, goes back decades of blames etc.

Relationships are complicated.. not only parental, but also marriage, siblings, friendship, business, all types of relationships reflect just how Human we all are.

It's why I feel negative about People sometimes..
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Old 12-07-2020, 12:16 PM   #6
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My parents have always been combative and explosive people. They blame each other, my sister, me, work, friends, political figures, etc, etc. They just fight fight fight fight fight like Itchy and Scratchy. Not even a break to consider how to maybe fix problems. This pandemic has been really tough on me because it happened at a time when I don't have 1 single person in my life that has genuine moral support for me. I'm normally the person everyone else leans on. Now when I'm going through a hard time, not only is no one there for me, but my parents have been calling me constantly and then slandering me because my mom feels like I'm letting her down.

Not many people can understand. People think it's like a normal thing where it's just hard to get along with family sometimes, not that my parents do not care and think nothing of actually intentionally hurting me. I'm having to defend myself while trying to figure out how to build self-esteem and a feeling of giving a **** about life AGAIN. Childhood trauma sucks. I thought I was stronger than this by now.

Anyways, it's nice to not feel so alone. Hang in there. 👍
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