puzzclar

I'm going to get real, and vulnerable. Here feels safe. I was listening to an audiobook and the idea is to get below the iceberg. I will start and if you feel inclined to comment or share your own, please do.

If you really knew me, you would know that I feel lost and confused, and unsure about the future.

If you really, really knew me, you would know that I'm terrified of my past making me go on disability. I don't want to be disabled.

If you really, really, really knew me, you would know I'm angry at my past choices surrounding my education. I've worked hard, and no matter what I do, my past is used against me. Not only that but my anxiety and suicidal thoughts are held over my head holding me hostage, and keeping me stuck. It seems I can't do enough to get passed the anxiety, rage, and shame.

Where do I go from here?
I need to reinvent myself. And that is hard when you have to be on medication. For some reason, I don't feel like I even know who I am, and that terrifies me. I feel limited by my past and I am running out of energy to fight the world.

You can comment or use this format to be vulnerable about you.
1) If you really knew me, you would know...
2) If you really, really knew me, you would know...
3) If you really, really, really knew me, you would know...
4) Where do I go from here?

Are you up for the challenge?

Yaowen

Dear puzzclar,

That is very profound. I don't know what lies beneath my iceberg, but my "feeling" is that it is something good and beautiful. I hope many people here will respond to your challenge. I will be interested to see what others think and feel. Thanks for posting what you did!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

delightful

If you really knew me, you'd know that writing is the purpose of my life right now.
If you really, really knew me, you'd know that my body and my mind are getting old. I have a couple of good years left, I think, and I feel like I need to finish all my writing before my mind and body give out.
If you really really really knew me, you'd know I'm judgmental. I don't say anything, but I think it. I can't help it. And of course I'm judgmental of myself as well.

Where do I go from here? I write, and I do the other things that writers have to do. And when I get depressed, I do three things - talk to people, get out of the house and get exercise.

WastingAsparagus

1. If you really knew me, you'd know that I have to type in Times New Roman font, or else I feel like my writing is not aesthetically pleasing.

2. If you really, really knew me, you'd realize I am trying to take time to craft good responses on this website and in other places instead of knee-jerk reactions to things.

3. If you really, really, really knew me, you'd know that I have a profound sense of disillusionment with life right now, though at certain times it goes away and I can enjoy basic things.

4. Where do I go from here?

From here, I must carry on trying to become a better person according to my own standards. I must strive to create meaning in my life because it's not going to create itself. I need to figure out things from a medical point of view. I need to keep attending and actively participating in therapy.

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

~*glass_owl*~

1) If you really knew me, you would know...I'm an artist
2) If you really, really knew me, you would know...I'm schizoaffective, alcoholic, and have a blog
3) If you really, really, really knew me, you would know...I'm scared, I'm confused, and I don't know where this life is going.
4) Where do I go from here? Meditate and make art to pass time.

__________________
Sobriety date 4/19/14
schizoaffective, PTSD and others.