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dancinglady
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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 06:56 PM
  #1
I went through 13 years of abuse by mental health professionals. There is no available legal or board actions. I tried for several years.
I also sustained years of abuse as a child.

All I hear is forgive them and move on with your life. Ok so I stated I forgive each and everyone.
I still have horrible flashbacks and memories which brings it all back. I have done EMDR, meditation and mindfulness. I have done hypnotherapy etc. nothing stops above. I have sleep problems because of the things and have been sleep deprived for 10+ years. I have been to sleep disorder clinics.

I am asking “step by step guide” on how to forgive people so I can at the age of 70 have a peaceful life? Any help is greatly appreciated.
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Default Jul 15, 2021 at 08:53 PM
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You can forgive but not forget. Your problem is forgetting. You have forgiven them. But the memories make you feel like you haven't. Forgive yourself for remembering. And when a bad memory comes try to release it and think of something good in its place.

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Default Oct 23, 2021 at 07:30 AM
  #3
Think of forgiving as change. If you feel safe to, ask yourself, after going through many options, did I attempt something over and over for at least a year? Sometimes we try for a little time, like a month. And other times we need more repetition to rep more benefits. And the more benefits helps us to move on, and become whole.

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Smile Oct 23, 2021 at 11:52 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by dancinglady View Post
I went through 13 years of abuse by mental health professionals. There is no available legal or board actions. I tried for several years.
I also sustained years of abuse as a child.

All I hear is forgive them and move on with your life. Ok so I stated I forgive each and everyone.
I still have horrible flashbacks and memories which brings it all back. I have done EMDR, meditation and mindfulness. I have done hypnotherapy etc. nothing stops above. I have sleep problems because of the things and have been sleep deprived for 10+ years. I have been to sleep disorder clinics.

I am asking “step by step guide” on how to forgive people so I can at the age of 70 have a peaceful life? Any help is greatly appreciated.
There's a book by Dr. Leah Coulter, who was trained in trauma and has a Ph.D. in divinity. She speaks from a religious point of view regarding forgiveness, but it might help you to understand why you struggle with this. Her point of view - to summarize it as best as I understood it - is that if the sinner (the abusers) did NOT repent, then you don't need to forgive them. Instead, you can pray to God and, over time and healing (perhaps with the help of a pastoral counselor), you can release your burdens to God. You can maybe ask God to help you heal and to help your abusers repent for their wrongdoings. Her scriptural basis for this is all outlined in her book and dissertation.

There's another book that might also help you understand forgiveness from a Jewish perspective. This, too, could help explain the limits and struggles with the concept of forgiveness.

I'm agnostic. I've been hurt by too many religious people - Christians and otherwise. My negative feelings toward religion notwithstanding, I see some benefit to the two books I mentioned above. You might want to start there and then do some research on your own to find your own path, your own spiritual healing.

When I was in a trauma treatment center, they had one module for spiritual healing. It basically entailed our own reinventing of our own spirituality - without any rules or organized religion. It was a way to break free from past cultish indoctrinations, past ritual abuses, past spiritual abuses, and more.

I was also hurt deeply by therapy in the past. I was at my end for a while there with therapy. But then I stumbled upon a really good therapist who helped me to heal from past bad therapies. She validated me, and she worked with me and all aspects/parts of me - even the dark and emotional parts of me. It's not easy finding a therapist to help you, and it's certainly not easy to trust anyone. I still don't. But I trust enough, and that's a start for me. Your start will be at your own pace.

You can choose pastoral counseling, or peer support groups, or some other path you feel safest with. The point is that you find your way, so that no one is dictating to you about what you should or shouldn't believe, etc. You find your path.

You need not forgive to heal, IMHO. You can process your true emotions with safe others, and you can release your deepest pains to a therapist or someone you trust, like a friend, a significant other, a group, or a pastoral counselor. Over time, you can see your release of your pain being validated and heard, being processed in a way that gives you space to feel emotions you didn't think were there.

I don't have all the answers - or any answers for that matter. I just have friendly suggestions, as I'm still struggling with my healing journey.

Hang in there.
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