[rainbow8]

I'm not sure which forum I should post this in order to have a discussion Do you have to love yourself first in order to love others?

[CvonK]

i'm sort of new to this... but... yeah... i think you do... lol... actually no thats not true at all... i have no answer but i have my own experience. i know that not loving myself hurts in my relationships.. but i have love for other people, my heart is way way too big.

but not loving myself makes me make bad life choices and my anxiety is exhausting. i constantly strive to be perfect and i never am victorious.

what kind of things do you struggle from with this? and i would love my self esteem to go up on MY own, no one else's accord.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm not sure which forum I should post this in order to have a discussion Do you have to love yourself first in order to love others?

Hello Rainbow,

That is such a good question! I had to think hard about it because truthfully I don't think I've ever loved myself, nor liked myself for that matter. That said, I've loved many people along the way so I would have to say no, but that it is best to find out who you are so that you can love yourself enough to be able to respond positively to others.

Sometimes it can be a difficult journey, and it starts by asking tough questions! I think the first step in loving yourself is self-acceptance. For me, that has meant forgiving myself for the mistakes that I've made, accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and neither are other people, and caring enough about myself to set boundaries that I did not have before.

Good Luck!

TJ

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Cvon and Skee.

Cvon: My T used to tell me that I hated myself. I always denied it. I know I don't hate myself, but I realize that I'm very self-critical. I just lost a lot of weight and look better, but I don't feel better about myself.

I struggle in social situations and feel rejected easily when people ignore me. I have friends, but in crowds I just sort of feel invisible. I seem to be the one left out a lot.

I have a husband and family so I know I'm loved, but I just don't feel that I love myself.

Skee: I compare myself to others a lot. I know I have my strengths and weaknesses and no one is perfect, but I always seem to need validation from others that I am okay. I don't know how to validate myself. Example: I like to write. If I know something I write is good, that's not enough. I want others to praise me, or I feel like it doesn't count. Likewise, I want others to compliment me on my weight loss.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thanks, Cvon and Skee.

Cvon: My T used to tell me that I hated myself. I always denied it. I know I don't hate myself, but I realize that I'm very self-critical. I just lost a lot of weight and look better, but I don't feel better about myself.

I struggle in social situations and feel rejected easily when people ignore me. I have friends, but in crowds I just sort of feel invisible. I seem to be the one left out a lot.

I have a husband and family so I know I'm loved, but I just don't feel that I love myself.

Skee: I compare myself to others a lot. I know I have my strengths and weaknesses and no one is perfect, but I always seem to need validation from others that I am okay. I don't know how to validate myself. Example: I like to write. If I know something I write is good, that's not enough. I want others to praise me, or I feel like it doesn't count. Likewise, I want others to compliment me on my weight loss.

Congratulations on the weight loss, if only I could follow in your footsteps to achieve that one!

You're blessed Rainbow... To have people in your life who love you is a wonderful thing. On the good days I can sometimes see the good in myself and others if I work hard at it, on the bad days I not so much.

I struggle with all of those things you've mentioned, and while I must admit that I had given up, I am proud of myself for at least trying lately, getting back up if you will.

Self-acceptance...I dont know...I wish there was an easier way of achieving that but it seems a difficult task for me....being comfortable in your own skin warts and all...I get it but it is something that alludes me...

TJ

[Perna]

I learned to care for myself by talking to myself :-) Get a threeway going; when you criticize yourself, learn to "catch" it and counter it (the "other," third person with "you" being the watcher between the critical you and the friendly you). Over time you'll like the nice you much better, just as you would like a nice, helpful friend over one that was critical of you! Eventually you'll be listening to and hanging out only with the nice you and barely notice the critical/negative one!

[Stevejavson]

From my personal self perception, I can't really say that I love myself. Rather, it's more of a "I am what I am" issue. I don't love myself, I don't hate myself. I am myself.

As for loving others, I don't think a love for yourself is a necessary prerequisite. I've met plenty of people who have a very low self image but love many other people.

[skeeweeaka]

Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it!

TJ