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May 09, 2009 at 05:45 PM
#1
Sort of graphic. Obvious trigger warning.
Didn't even try fighting it this time. I felt the urge coming on, the urge to rip off one's own skin. I was looking forward to it, continuing about my usual business. It made me bizarrely happy. In my mind I could see myself smiling twistedly as I raked my skin as hard as I could with a fork. It didn't do that much, I never do. The red marks and skin indents fade in a matter of minutes. For a brief minute fear flashes as I go for round two....made a shape of little house on my leg with stab indents. Do I want a round 3, I told myself "no" but while contemplating it I muttered "possibly" while running the fork down the inside of my arm. and in the process of contemplating I ended up hurting myself even more, because after that moment I proceeded to slap a little rhythm on my forearm, it wasn't until seconds later that I noticed the bright pink line from where seconds earlier, and pid red spots from my slapping. The anxiety didn't stop me until I turned all the little red spots into one big one, but it stopped from a round 4. Anxiety certainly is a killjoy. Different font for different part. |
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 19,686
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May 10, 2009 at 03:12 PM
#2
 (((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))Please try to keep yourself safe. I know it makes you happy "in the moment" but usually you can wind up feeling worse afterwards... __________________ 
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Middle of nowhere
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May 10, 2009 at 03:33 PM
#3
(((kaika)))
__________________ I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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May 12, 2009 at 08:50 PM
#4
Tonight I'm a fighter.
It's a very big struggle for me right now |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
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May 13, 2009 at 03:28 AM
#5
Hold on Kaika - fight the urges if you can - the relief is temporary and the pain is stil there afterwards - be safe P7
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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May 23, 2009 at 07:14 PM
#6
times for me are tough right now
Tougher then they've been in a good, long while... I've made some posts of course, but not many people respond anymore. It makes me mad REALLY mad (as in break something mad) and it comes to me that I'm only mad because the sole reason I even bother posting my issues is because I want attention. Support, advice, etc. Though I fear the dreaded "shut the hell up." that I never get. It's not fair for anyone here. I'm disgusted by myself. If the only reason why I'm doing these things is for attention then I don't even deserve the attention that I do get. (in my world at least, where judgmental rules like this usually only apply to me) the madness needed to go somewhere so instead of taking it out of everyone here I decided to take it out of myself. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
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May 23, 2009 at 07:55 PM
#7
Kaika, I havnt been around much - been too triggery - sorry - know that I do care about you and you do matter to a lot of people here - you can see that by the answers here - somtimes people are too deep in suffering to reply - but we do care ok and you dont deserve to be hurt - please dont hurt yourself ok
 I have to log off to go to work but I will be thinking of you - take care
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Aug 2005
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May 24, 2009 at 10:23 AM
#8
((((((((((((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry you are in so much pain right now. Sometimes many of the people in the forum hurt at the same time and have a hard time supporting others. Please try and understand it is not you. I am sorry that you turned anger on yourself. I know it is a difficult emotion but can you work through it with someone? I hope you are feeling better now.
BB __________________  |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
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May 25, 2009 at 10:40 AM
#9
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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May 25, 2009 at 11:10 AM
#10
__________________ 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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