is it possible?

Im still urging to cut. The bad emotions were gone a day ago. Its gotta be the addiction part? I cant stop wanting it today.

I dont even know why....raw emotion left over? dunno

Thanks.

C

(((((Colleen)))) I am here if you need to talk today- im going through alot myself right now but i can try to help if you want

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you are able to resist the urges. I am thinking of you. Please try and be kind to yourself as you deserve it.

BB

What is on your mind Colleen?

I just want to hole up and hide.....I cant take it anymore. Most of my friends are gone. They are getting sick of me. half of me says the important friends are still here. The other half says dont bother trying.

I feel like ive wasted time. Like I cant get out of this house aside from work. the moment im home from work, i want to hide.

I cant keep worrying my mom. Shes worried FOR me. But I feel like I will never be what others consider normal.

I am not myself. I used to laugh and joke around, i used to sing (terribly) at parties. Im not me.....

Im just not me anymore....at least not the way I want.

C

((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))

There is nothing wrong with you, it IS the addiction part that is telling you that you want/need to SI.

Please know that i'm still here for you if you want to talk.

Huge hugs
xoxoxox

Hey jac, Nice to see you!

Im just well. me.....i am feeling manic, panicked....and full of urges. I feel like spending money (dont got none) drinking, and SI.....oh god how I want to.....

I will be ok...guessing i wont be sleeping tonite.....

Hope all is well in school with ya.

C

You still have a friend here ((((((((((Colleen))))))))))

I sure wish you lived closer....I need to get out of the house..

Thanks mel. I dont feel like a very good friend right now. I dont feel like a very good person right now.

I am trying though.....

thanks

c

You are a great friend and person- depression makes us feel like this. Are there any museums in your area that are free-or what about a lake that you can walk around, maybe even just taking a walk in your neighborhood and just smelling the flowers- find something to get you out of the house-i hear that sunshine helps the mood- havent tried it yet. ((((Colleen))))) I am here if you need to talk.

I still get the feeling that some thoughts/feelings are burdening you right now and these feelings are what is making you want to hide, drink, SI, or spend money........... Keep talking.........

Ive decided to go for a very long lakefront walk tomorrow morning. My first of the year. Im hoping that will get me thinking and better.

Mel....you are a awesome friend. I wish you would see it.

Colleen

Yea, theres a couple of things i need to "take care of" that just keep bogging me down.

Feels like it will never get accomplished.

Thanks sannah!
C

Good plan!

It will! Keep working!

I wish i could be more like you....I dont know how long it took you or what you did, but you have such a positive outlook.

I would like a couple days of feeling average........or normal whatever that is.

Colleen

..........

Youre a step ahead of me. Im Nancy negative

good news is i have T appt tonite, and emdr which seems to help.

Even though I try to get out of it......hmmmm

I hope one day I can get positive....Now im just positive that may never happen......jk

me

Good first steps! You WILL get there if you keep working on it............

(((Cthomas)))) I can really realte to what you are saying - I am so sorry you are going through this - but you are not alone - we are here -