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Account Suspended
Member Since May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 822
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Jun 15, 2009 at 11:29 PM
#1
Okay, I know I have another thread up, but I have now ruined it, feel stupid going back into it...
 I want to take more Tramadol. I want to binge drink. I want to cut. I want to punch myself black and blue. I want to purge. I want to starve. I want to fade the hell away. I'm so sick of this "family". They hurt me so much. They are so horrible. I can't believe I'm actually related to them. I really can't. They are so damn neglectful and abusive and mean. We have some good days, but recently, more bad days than I can handle. I'm so sick of my head. It's so screwed up. I've got so much crap going on. So many things "wrong" with me. I'm just so sick of being inside my head. I wish I was someone else. I'm so tired of it all. I'm so sick of my health. I'm sick of being ill. I've been ill now for almost 6 months. I'm so tired of it. I've been waiting for so long for an appointment to be arranged with a CFS/ME specialist, and I've heard NOTHING. I'm so sick of reality. Must I explain this one? I ain't gonna cry. I ain't even got the strength right now. Despite how much I want to cry. Hardly anyone can handle me Because I'm just some screw up. Yeah, that's right. Some.Screw.Up. ~~~~~ I long...for solitude... and peace... Within me... Void... of all the anger... and fear... ~~~~~ So many emotions. So many thoughts. Gah! (P.S. I hope it is okay I used the italics/bold/underline/etc for this post, it just makes it more powerful on some things... Sorry if it bugs anyone...) Thanks for reading... 
Last edited by Christina86; Jul 06, 2009 at 09:45 AM.. Reason: added trigger icon |
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Jun 16, 2009 at 12:47 AM
#2
(((pupp))) you're stronger than your urges, you can stay safe I believe in it. Sorry if I get a little technical, but... You don't want to take more tramadol (unless physical pain kills you) and you definitelly don't want to mix it with alcohol. Been there, done that, trust me, no matter how low you feel, you don't want this. I'm sorry about your health, is there any way you could speed up meeting with the docs?
You can tell me about your family if you want to, feel free to PM if you need, i'll be online for most of the next 8 hours. |
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Jun 16, 2009 at 12:49 AM
#3
oh, forgot one thing. It's OK to cry, it should make you feel at least a little better
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 Pup
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Location: UK
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Jun 16, 2009 at 01:24 AM
#4
I have been taking the tramadol for months, my doctor prescribed it to me. It helps. It's the only thing that does help. So... I'm not going to stop taking it.
And, no there is no way to speed things up. I tried, they didn't do anything, I have to wait. And I pretty much explained about my "family". I'm not saying anything else, just that they neglect, abuse and hurt me. A lot. I'm so sick of it. I'm so tired of it. I want to hurt myself so badly. Last edited by Pup; Jun 16, 2009 at 01:38 AM.. |
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Location: Northamptonshire, UK
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Jun 16, 2009 at 06:26 AM
#5
I'm SO sorry. I shouldn't have.
I'm a prick. I know. Which is why i have no freinds. Im sorry. I have cut 3 times today and all i wanna do is get a cigarette and a load of vodka and some freinds and just drink ourselves to death. But I dont have any. And I dont have any vodka. Been ill for one year. Im angry and fruustrated. So sorry. Really am. You're going through ****ing tough times as well. Sorry.
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Jun 16, 2009 at 06:45 AM
#6
Quote:
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~sighs~ I am really not in a safe, good mindset. I'm struggling. I hate my mind. ~curls up in the corner~ Quote:
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Jun 16, 2009 at 06:54 AM
#7
Quote:
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Jun 16, 2009 at 07:02 AM
#8
"just drink ourselves to death"
What does this mean then? Anyway, I'd appreciate support right now. I guess I don't deserve it, though. I haven't really been a good person here. |
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Jun 16, 2009 at 07:52 AM
#9
Not sure. But my mum uses it in things like that. Like 'You scared me to death' and stuff. You know I really am not sure of the meaning :/
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Legendary
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Jun 16, 2009 at 07:52 AM
#10
Pupp, you have said that you have been in therapy for a long time. I know that when I got better that I had to sort through everything and make sense of myself so that I could function better. To do this I had to start at step one and then work slowly through everything. Everyone's first step is going to be different. Each person has to find their own first step. I am here to support you in your journey if you like............
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Location: Australia
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Jun 16, 2009 at 07:58 AM
#11
(((Pupp))) and (((in the darkness))))
brings in blankets to wrap up in and pillows to punch if needs be - sitting with you - im so sorry you guys are in a bad place - Pupp can you live somewhere else? are you seeing a T - forgive me if I have asked before - my memory sucks  Please try and do somthing other than hurt yourselves - I know its hard not to - sleep if you can - somtimes it loos better the next day - sending you both gentle hugs 
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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Jun 16, 2009 at 10:27 AM
#12
I barely sleep good. I have insomnia like sleeping difficulties.
And I don't see anyone. I have been seeing CAMHS since I was 7 but no longer see anyone now. They're useless. I don't like them much. ~sighs~ ~curls up with my teddy bear and the blanket~
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Jun 16, 2009 at 10:29 AM
#13
Quote:
I have NO professional help. I battle things by MYSELF with help of my adoptive father and hardly any friends no support from my "family" instead abuse/neglect 
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Jun 16, 2009 at 11:53 AM
#14
I want to cry my eyes out.
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Jun 16, 2009 at 12:51 PM
#15
Cry...let it out. It's good for you. Just cry. Dont hold it in any longer. You can do it x __________________ .
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Jun 16, 2009 at 12:59 PM
#16
Now I can't stop...
this is why I hate crying... why I don't want to cry... because I can't...stop... |
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Wise Elder
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Jun 16, 2009 at 07:42 PM
#17
you will stop crying - it may take a long time but you will -
is there any chance you can see a therapist/psychologist? a good one can help - a good one has helped me -you sad your step dad is helping you I am glad of that - please take care of you
__________________ Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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Legendary
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Jun 17, 2009 at 08:05 AM
#18
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Pupp, I'm going to be honest with you here. I have read many people reaching out to you here (on anxiety forum too), me included, and you are sort of lashing out at us because I guess we are performing for you in the right way?............ __________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Australia
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Jun 17, 2009 at 08:17 AM
#19
(((pupp)))
of course you are going to feel like crap if your family is abusing you. instead of turning more hatred inwards, you need to seek help to get out of that situation. i dont know how old you are, but i do know there will be services targeted at your age group to make sure you can stay in a safe environment. they can probably also link you up with professional support to help you through this. stop battling, pupp. start accepting help to get you through a situation that most people need help with. |
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Jun 17, 2009 at 08:35 AM
#20
Quote:
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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