[Kiya]

we slipped. i know. it happens.

[phoenix7]

((((Kiya)))) wrapping you up in my warm phoenix wings and keeping you safe - you may have to share a bit of the room - but there's room for everyone who's hurting - me too -

Dust yourself off and start again - you can do this Kiya - I know you can - and Im a phoenix - we know these things ok

[3velniai]

[deliquesce]

((((((((kiya))))))))))

wanna talk about what's going on? it's ok if you don't, i'm just offering .

please be gentle on yourself for slipping up. like you said - it happens. it doesn't mean you will do it again and it doesn't mean that you need to be angry at yourself because of it.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))

Slipping does happen. But you ARE going to get up and try again, right?

(((((((((((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))))))

I hope you weren't triggered in chat.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))

[phoenix7]

kiya - just want you to know that we all care about you - that you deserve to be cared for and kept safe and that we are here for you

[Kiya]

thanks all
I'm up, dusted, and off and running.
it is irritating to be in pain, and more irritating that i deserve it since we caused it.
but it is hidden, so no one IRL knows.
may tell t tonight... may not. we'll see.

[DoggyBonz]

Originally Posted by Kiya

thanks all
I'm up, dusted, and off and running.
it is irritating to be in pain, and more irritating that i deserve it since we caused it. Kiya - yes, I think I can speak for everyone in this forum when I say that it's not uncommon to slip but I want to question your belief or maybe I misunderstood it when you say that "I deserve it since we caused it" - you did not cause this and you don't deserve the inner hell that you are going through. You did not do anything wrong, you did not chose to SI, I really believe that you reacted to something and it was the best choice you had in the moment. Maybe some where in some African or Tibetian tribe for religious reasons people chose to mangle their bodies but I don't think you did. Sorry if I misunderstood you but... you deserve to make choices that are positive to your well being.
but it is hidden, so no one IRL knows.
may tell t tonight... may not. we'll see.

...and thank you for reminding me how natural it is to believe I did something wrong when I SI. I am working hard on looking at what triggered it.

[Kiya]

just saying i deserve the pain caused, since we (the system) caused the pain. but maybe that belief too needs to be looked at. i dunno.

[phoenix7]

yes it does need to be looked at dear friend - you dont deserve any pain - you deserve love and caring only

[DoggyBonz]

Originally Posted by Kiya

just saying i deserve the pain caused, since we (the system) caused the pain. but maybe that belief too needs to be looked at. i dunno.

Not trying to be pushy - but I'm still not sure what you are referring to. But, I do want to reiterate you don't deserve to cause yourself any more suffering. Kiya, I may be really off base but I have this belief that I have done something wrong and that I deserve to feel pain. What I am trying to learn and it's really hard is that I didn't do anything, I just feel like when something happens I should take it out on myself as if I deserve it.

But, I don't and neither do you. It's hard to stop a belief system that has been in my life for so long, but it's not working and I have to find another way. Also, at least for me when I am done SI'ing I still feel horrible.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by DoggyBonz

Also, at least for me when I am done SI'ing I still feel horrible.

that's what i'm trying to say. FOR ME. is that since i cut, i can't whine about it pain of the cuts later. because we made the cuts. on purpose. and then i am irritable because i'm in pain every time clothes or my phone in my pocket rubs up against them (on my hip). but i have to remember that I (collective) put them there. so grrrr on me.

but ty for helping me reallign my thinking.

[Kiya]

likewise, P7... print that out to put where you'll see it =)

Originally Posted by phoenix7

yes it does need to be looked at dear friend - you dont deserve any pain - you deserve love and caring only