[kax25]

Why do people have to be so ignorant and disrespectful?
Today at school i was sitting and my sleeve came up a little and the kid next to me saw some of my scars, and she says loud enough for everyone to hear "oh my god,you're a cutter!" I told her to shut up and to stop saying it,because she kept repeating it and asking me if i was.i guess just to make sure she was right. I got so mad and i didnt know what to do so i just walked out of class.
I mean who has the right to call you out on something like that, and in front of a group of people at that? Im so frustrated.I hate how some people can be.
Im sorry im just rambling on so ill go now. Thanks for hearing me out.

max

[LMo]

Dunno, Max. It's rude, but then again it says more about her than it does about you. A good reaction might have been to ask her to please stop instead of to shut up. People are more ashamed at hurting people's feelings than they are about pissing people off.

I have to admit that I'm a little shocked that high school kids actually recognize stuff like that. I feel like it wasn't that long ago when I was in high school, but it seemed virtually unheard of.

[kax25]

I know i should of been a little more polite,but i was just so mad.I mean she had no right in saying that in front of everyone. Maybe if she came after class or something it wouldnt of been so bad. Thanks for responding Lmo. take care.

max

[jmo531]

Today in high schools, they teach stuff like that and warning signs of various mental illnesses. Not like it was when I was in high school and that wasnt that so long ago.

I am sorry you had to deal with something like that. It was very rude. I am thinking this person probably has no manners or cooth so to make a specticle of the situation probably didnt mean much to her and for that I am sorry. Dont be ashamed. Hang in there and take care.

[jetblackaura]

((((((((max)))))))))-if ok.

That is terrible. I'm sorry you had to go throught that. I hope she realises what she did.

[dogtanian]

people can be so offensive.

[HALLIEBETH87]

take care...it is SOOO common in high school

[LMo]

Why is it common in high school? How did things change so much in the past (okay 20) years? Why are kids deciding to do it now? I don't think it would have even occurred to us when we were in high school.

[kax25]

Thanks for the hugs Jet.

Honestly Lmo i dont know why it is common in high school. I dont think its that more kids are deciding to do it, but more like more people are noticing those that have done it or are still doing it. i could be wrong though.

max

[Rapunzel]

I think peer influence is part of it. I'm amazed how many of the girls where I work cut. It's good for more people to be aware of it, and I'm not sure how they approach it in school, but I think there is a danger in it. I also think that other si methods have been more common, even in the past. I was a little older before I got into cutting, but I have hurt myself in various ways since I was six years old. Cutting is more dramatic and noticable though.

I really hope that when they teach about si in schools they emphasize healthy ways to cope. Si also appears on tv shows now - that was how I found out that it wasn't just me.

[kax25]

You really think that peer influence is a part of it? I wasnt influenced by anyone,but i know my friend has done it because of someone else.
In my school they talk about the warning signs and all,but the dont talk about what to do or how to adress someone so i guess it really is pointless to even talk about it.
Well i need to get to school,take care all.

max

[jetblackaura]

We don't get taught about any mental illnesses really in our school which I thik is abit stupid because we learn about alcohol and drugs EVERY single year and we learn the same things over and over again.

[silver_queen]

Same here, Jet. We too didn't learn anything about mental illness at all, but rather about contraception, drugs etc, but NOTHING about mental health. Perhaps it is common in the UK for students to be not educated about mental illness and its related problems.

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((((((( kax )))))))))))))))))) I'm really sorry that happened! It was so insensitive of the girl to do that. I'm sorry you were embarrassed like that.

[Rapunzel]

Max, I'm sorry. I forgot to say that it really sucks that people are so insensitive and that girl did what she did. ***hugs*** if you want them

And yeah, I do think that peer influence increases it. There are reasons why people turn to si as a coping mechanism - we have had some hurtful experiences, and emotions were invalidated, and we didn't know how to deal with it. Having that kind of background is pretty common though, and people find some way to cope, whether this way or some other way, some healthy and some not. In choosing a coping method, if we hear about something that works for someone else, and we have a similar need for a way to cope, we're more likely to try it. Even when we talk about cutting and identify it and say don't do this, it's not a good coping method, someone who doesn't have good coping methods and needs some way to deal with things might not care that it isn't a good coping method, and they just might try it anyway. Not everyone (or even most people) who cut learned it from someone else, but it certainly can be learned that way, and I think that with the increased awareness of cutting, there are also more people trying it. Most of them probably would have used other coping methods if they hadn't gotten into cutting - some worse, some equivalent, and maybe some better. I think that just teaching about cutting does more harm than good. If they are going to teach about it, they need to teach healthy coping methods. Same for teaching about mental illness in general - how about teaching about mental wellness? It isn't particularly useful just to identify mental illness. What can you do about it - prevention, getting help, helping others to get help - will make a much better positive impact.

<font color="purple"> and now Rapunzel steps down from her soap box </font>

[SweetCrusader]

Let's not hijack Max's thread with discussion about peer pressure, what's taught in highschool, etc, everyone. If you want to talk about that, start another thread pls.

Max, that was a VERY inconsiderate thing for your schoolmate to do you. Maybe she doesn't realize how personal and sensitive cutting is, and how the last thing in the world you'd want is for her to blab it to everyone. Or maybe she's just an *ss. ? I feel for you. I would be mortified and VERY angry!

*safe hugs* if wanted

[kax25]

Thankyou for the hugs Silver and Rapunzel.

Well tommorrow i have to see her in class again. I dont know what i should do, or if i should do anything at all. What if she does it again?I dont know if i would be able to stand there and take it , or walk out again. Im pretty good at keeping my composure,but when people push things i get a littel irritated and sometimes i slip and act on my thoughts,such as yelling,or if its really bad, the occasional shove.

max

in spirit, Max , i'll be with you tomorrow. i don't know how to handle this girl, but i'd sit as far from her as possible, if that's allowed.....i'm here for you........xoxo pat

[Rapunzel]

(((((((((Max)))))))))))

I would definitely not look forward to seeing her again either. Hopefully she won't say anything or do anything else, and then you won't have to worry about how to deal with it. But it would be pretty normal to still be uncomfortable having to be around her. Hopefully she won't push it any further. If she does, think assertiveness. Assertiveness is kind-of a middle ground or a balance between passivity and aggression. Getting up and walking out is passive. Yelling at her is aggressive. An assertive response would be to firmly let her know that she is intruding someplace where she is not welcome, and you don't want to talk to her about it. You don't owe her any explanations or answers, and it is rude of her to ask for them. But you need to communicate that without lashing out and being hurtful, because yelling at her will probably just make her mad at you and then she'll care less about how she has made you feel and the impropriety of what she has done.

Good luck with this. It can be tricky!

[LMo]

Dignity is everything, Max. I agree with everythign that Rapunzel said. Look her in the eye, firmly say "you are being very rude. other people might have their feelings hurt if you did to them what you are doing to me", and then don't take it any further.

[kax25]

Thanks for the advice. I'll be thinking of you too Fayerody.

I'll see if i can sit somewhere else tommorrow. My teacher likes me and usually lets me do what i want. But if i cant and the kid starts being rude again ill say something. I like your idea Lmo,but in highschool if you say to someone "you are being very rude" most of the kids would look at you like an idiot and laugh.well atleast thats how the kids in my school are. If she keeps it up,i might stop being passive and start being aggressive,altough im not usually agressive.

max

[LMo]

ha ha Max -- you're probably right!

Do people still say "talk to the hand"? okay, maybe not

Could you get some fake blood and if she asks, have it start oozing out of your shirt sleeve? Okay, again, maybe not.

Fake fainting?

Start crying?

[kax25]

Haha Lmo,no i dont think i can do that fake blood thing.Thats a little morbid. Im not really one to cry or faint but good suggestions. Ill let you know how it goes.Thanks for all the advice everyone.
((hugs)) if you want them.

max