ah crap it.

I promised myself I wouldn't do anything self harming during my christmas break, just to see how far I could go--I even left my razors back in the dorm just so I wouldn't be easily tempted by it. But so much for that. I mean, I really didn't do anything too bad-- instead of cutting, I burnt myself with a match, so it's just a TINY mark on my arm and a few TINY marks on my leg. I actually did the few on my leg last night, and the one on my arm just now. Nothing really damaging--I felt like I just needed the pain, and there's something about burn pain that's different from cutting pain... idk what it is. But I can't keep rationalizing things...it's still self injury, I know, no matter how tiny the mark is... I stopped myself just now after the single burn on my arm, but now it's like one tiny mark isn't enough--I want more. Dammit, I shouldn't have even started... **** me.

Before doing it just now, I told myself that my counselor doesn't have to know about it... I suppose I should forgive myself--I mean, it was a slip-up, and I guess there's not much to do now except get back up and try again, assuming I can grow the ovaries to partake in a bit more self-control next time...jeez, i feel pathetic... >:/
The counselor doesn't HAVE to know about it as long as I'm still trying, right? I mean, I guess I won't lie to him if he asks, but if he doesn't then... who am I kidding, of course he's gonna ask... nevermind then.

I actually feel a bit better after typing my thoughts out... Well, case in point, I had a slip-up, albeit a small one, and I'm starting over. Wish me luck.

On a happier note, I'm finished with my fall semester classes, exams are out of the way, and I'm home so I have something to celebrate then -- three weeks of free time to enjoy and afternoons to sleep through! Rock on...

Good luck, paintingravens. Enjoy the respite from school.

Yay for finishing exams!! thats always SO stressful!

I'm glad that you feel better after writing your post! Enjoy your break!