 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
 |
|
advertisement
Forums Index
|
| Reply |
| Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
|
Forums Index
|
| Reply |
| Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Posts: 767
19 |
Jun 01, 2005 at 09:41 AM
#1
THIS COULD POSSIBLY TRIGGER SO DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU FEEL SAFE PLEASE....
I have been trying to be soooooooo good this week. Taking my new dosage of meds from my med dr and doing what my T said. Like doing some things for me, got my hair colored and went shopping with my daughter...worked in my yard some with hubby and tried to relax and I read some of a book he gave me to read on suicide....did some journaling too...but I still was fighting the suicide feelings.... really STRONG ones too and I was so down and out....but smilling on the outside for everyone else...but...nothing I did would help to make me feel good...NOTHING....I was so upset over not seeing my T on Monday our usual day and I got so worked up on Sunday that I SI-ed really bad....the worse I have ever done.... I went really deep...on my arm and I could see the fat cells deep under my skin....that is when I knew I was in trouble because it did NOT hurt....it was like I was in a trance...it bleed a lot and I thought I would not get it to stop and I finally did.....It is now sore... I have been putting neosporin on it but it is a reminder of how BAD I am now....I HATE myself so much.....I want to SI more to punish myself more....this is an endless endless cycle......ugh...Now I am due to see him tomorrow to make up for not seeing him Monday but now I DONT want to go....I just want to say the H*LL with it all and just stay home.....I HATE when I am like this....just want the voices in my head to shut up and for my mind to settle down.....but it NEVER does.....only sleep but then last night I had a NIGHTMARE and woke up screaming NOT good......UGH......HATE all this CR*P.....well .thanks for letting me vent...and NOT judging me or giving me a lecture.....do not know what I would do if I did not have this place to come to talk and vent....thanks all __________________ "My Therapist always says there is HOPE, so he continues to be my light of HOPE even on my darkest of days" |
|
 Reply With Quote
|
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,441
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
given 
|
Jun 01, 2005 at 12:58 PM
#2
((((((((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))))))
__________________ 
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Member
Member Since Oct 2003
Posts: 155
21 |
Jun 01, 2005 at 01:32 PM
#3
((((((((((HOPE))))))))))
Please keep your appointment with your t---you really need him/her right now. I hopeo you feel better soon. 
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
21 132 hugs
given |
Jun 01, 2005 at 04:19 PM
#4
Why do we struggle so much when we are trying so hard to be good? I wonder if maybe we try too hard sometimes. (((((((((Hope))))))))) You don't need any lectures from us. I bet you're pretty hard on yourself already.
__________________ “We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Jun 01, 2005 at 09:48 PM
#5
oh, Hope, i'm so sorry that you feel so bad and down. i wish i could help you more than just listening. PM me anytime you need to. i work monday, wednesday and friday.....stay safe...xoxoxo pat
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Dec 2004
Posts: 3,600
19
|
Jun 06, 2005 at 01:47 AM
#6
(((((((((((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))))))))))
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Forum | |||
| I sometimes feel like I "shouldn't" be this way (possible triggers) | Other Mental Health Discussion | |||
| this is starting to be an ... endless cycle... | Depression | |||
| Triggers- what do your feel like? | Post-traumatic Stress | |||
| An endless cycle? | Self Injury | |||
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
