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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
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Jan 29, 2010 at 02:02 AM
#1
I've been SI for about 6 years now and can't seem to stop. I used to be able to control it better but now it's getting harder and harder to deal with. I find myself cutting at least once a week and when I'm not, I want to. I just don't want to deal with all this stress anymore. It doesn't seem worth it anymore. I cut earlier today and love the feeling of it. It's been getting worse lately and nothing I seem to do will make me stop. I'm too scared to tell someone about it in fear of what they will think about me. Help!
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
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Jan 29, 2010 at 01:38 PM
#2
MA, are you in therapy?
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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 TheByzantine
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2007
Location: Land of Endless Possibilities
Posts: 1,086
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Jan 29, 2010 at 01:58 PM
#3
Dear MoonApol,
First, I would like to welcome you to the Psych Central Community! Explore the Forums, Posts, Chats there is lots to do! Our self-help community is highly supportive and caring, with self injury that is important. Welcome. I agree as above. Do you have a Therapist? Are you persuing treatment for your behavior? Group Therapy an option? You deserve better than scabs & scars. If you have any questions or would like to talk please PM at anytime. All the Best, Holmes |
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TheByzantine
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Jan 29, 2010 at 02:14 PM
#4
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
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Jan 29, 2010 at 10:35 PM
#5
Therapy has never been appealing to me and I've never really thought that I needed it. There are very few people I can trust with things like this which is probably the main reason why I haven't bothered to find one.
Thank you for the warm welcome. I've been reading posts on the forums for about a year but never thought to join because I didn't think my actions were bad enough or important enough to mention. I mean how many SI people come through these forums. what makes me stand out and why should I matter? I want to get better but I don't want to subject myself to something like therapy. |
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 19,686
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Jan 30, 2010 at 12:15 AM
#6
Don't think about it as "subjecting yourself" to therapy - if you find a good therapist, it's possible to overcome self-injury. Yes, you can do it completely by yourself, but it's much easier with the help of a professional.
There are a lot of books out there on dealing with self injury as well - click on "Ratings" in the bar wayyyyyyyyyyy at the top of the screen, and "Books" and there are a lot of books listed there, some on the topic of self injury which may be useful for you. We ALL matter and we are ALL important. I'm glad you registered and I hope you find this community useful for you. You do deserve to be happy and healthy. 
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TheByzantine
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
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Jan 30, 2010 at 03:29 AM
#7
It's a lifestyle now. I've been doing it for 6 years and don't think I can stop it completely but maybe I'm wrong. Scratch what I said before. I don't necessarily want to stop at all though, simply because I don't know how to deal with things otherwise. It's the only method that is actually useful. I don't want to learn new ways of coping but feel the need to. I don't know anymore. I'm so confused about everything. Cutting is all I have when I feel horrible and don't want to deal with things. I can't imagine myself not doing it, to tell you the truth.
I'm too scared to tell my boyfriend that I SI because he already worries about me. Does anyone have any ideas about how I could go about telling him? He hasn't noticed in the 5 months we have been together but I feel that I've been keeping it from him for too long. I'm worried that he won't be able to handle what is going on with me and leave me. I'm worried he won't understand what is happening and why. |
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Jan 31, 2010 at 08:27 AM
#8
He should be worried. You need help in finding healthy ways to deal with your problems? Certainly you do now want to spend the rest of your years thinking cutting is the solution for dealing with life?
Cutting maybe a temporary respite from the horrible way you feel, but it is not the answer. If it was, you would not have to cut over and over again. You know we are right. We know you are scared. Fight the fear and choose to find a way to live a better life. Get help. Good luck. |
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
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Jan 31, 2010 at 02:59 PM
#9
If he likes you that much he will STAY with you and Help you to overcome the challange of not cutting. He may beable to be a crutch, and help you to overcome it. And of course if He does not understand then he has a few choices. But if he Loves you that much, he will stay and help. It will help your relationship.
As far as a Therpist it is a good Idea, but I know it takes time for you to want the help from a professional. It will be hard to get the help, and you ultimately have to come to terms with SI in order sto stop. Reaching out for help here is the place to start, and eventually you can get professional help. When you are ready. If you are not ready, it's really hard to get help. and by the way puzzles are a wonderful distraction, use them to stop cutting, it will help!! 
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
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Jan 31, 2010 at 04:56 PM
#10
When he's worried he tends to get angry when I slip up and don't do something or if I do something wrong though. That's what I'm worried about. I'm also worried that he will some how make me go see a therapist or tell people I know that I need help. I know he'll try to help but I don't want pity, it's the last thing I need in a relationship.
and puzz, you got me addicted to puzzles now but they're losing the intensity. It's not much of an escape now. |
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Jan 31, 2010 at 11:51 PM
#11
Have you considered his anger may be part of the reason you cut. Or, that you cut to get his attention, even negative attention? Cutting is not the answer to dealing with stress. You have been cutting a long time and still have the stress.
Seeking help for someone you care for is not pity. It is the thing people do when they care. You have built quite a formidable fortress around your rationalizations and illogic. You may choose to continue being miserable or worse; or, you may choose to make a better life for yourself. If you do not get help, there will be a price to pay. Good luck. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
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Feb 01, 2010 at 12:51 AM
#12
There's nothing I hate more than attention. I'd rather hide my scars then flaunt them like trophies.
It's fine if he does it's just he always loves to control the situation and that's not exactly what I need. I don't need to be forced into therapy, I feel like I should do it once I feel like I can handle and accept it. I know there is a price but I don't feel like I'm ready for it yet, if that makes sense. |
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Member
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 443
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Feb 01, 2010 at 01:33 AM
#13
I can relate to the feeling of being torn about getting help or not. It's a very intimate process and only you can decide you are ready. I know the starting of my process seemed daunting to me but it was worth it. I hope you find help on your terms, but hopefully sooner then later.
__________________ I have wandered the darkness, a place I call home, for a long time looking for peace, and there is peace even in here. I hope I can help you find your peace. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
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Feb 01, 2010 at 02:56 AM
#14
So was it worth it right away or did it take time though?
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Feb 01, 2010 at 06:37 AM
#15
Thanks for continuing to post, moon. There is nothing magic about dealing with problems. It is hard work. The sooner you start the sooner you will see progress. I truly hope you choose to get better soon. It has to be tormenting to live the way you are.
Please continue to post. ((((((((( moon ))))))))) Good luck. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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Feb 01, 2010 at 10:15 AM
#16
MA, you can use the gradual approach with therapy. You don't have to go the first day and spill everything. You can go and gradually get used to the therapist before you disclose anything. You can say I don't want to share right now. It sounds like you are afraid that a therapist will try to take your SI away from you. You can find a therapist who won't do this. I also possibly hear that you don't want to be forced into anything? I don't blame you. Our lack of empowerment is part of the problem. Any good therapist will help you to build empowerment and will not try to tell you what to do, etc. Getting better is a journey. You can do this.......
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
14 36 hugs
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Feb 02, 2010 at 12:02 AM
#17
It sounds a little less scary going into it slowly but I'm still not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to do it for anyone else, but for myself. I'm not sure if I can do that yet or if I'm willing to give up the only thing I have that makes me feel in control of my life. I'm not necessarily as scared of my SI being taken away from me as I am scared of what will happen when I'm not doing it. I hate not knowing what will happen. I feel like if I don't SI something worse might happen, that I might try something even more rash than SI.
I agree that I lack empowerment and must build that back up but I don't know how to. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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16 1,773 hugs
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Feb 02, 2010 at 10:24 AM
#18
Fear of the unknown and what might happen is common. I used to have some of this going on. The same with empowerment. This is definitely something that I had to learn. I couldn't have done any of this without therapy. Don't want to pressure you, though. That's the last thing that you need!
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2010
Posts: 1,519
14 36 hugs
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Feb 02, 2010 at 08:51 PM
#19
Yeah, that's definitely what I need, pressure...
 I admitted to some of my coworkers today that I SI and they were surprised. A few asked me if they could do anything for me or if they could help me stop in any way. I couldn't help but think that if I can admit it to coworkers then why am I not comfortable getting a therapist and telling them about it? I don't know my coworkers well at all. I guess it's something I have to work up to... |
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Legendary
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
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Feb 03, 2010 at 02:58 PM
#20
Quote:
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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