[thine_self_untrue]

I want to cry. I want to sob until I ache like I never thought I could ache. Why can't I?
I want to beat the hell out of myself. Beat the hell that is in me out. Why can't I?
I want to cut. Cry red tears and let a little bit of that hell out. That, I can do.
I'm sorry. I'll feel better later. Things just aren't so great right now...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...

[jennaorgana]

hey thine... how are you doing right now?

this may sound stupid, but as much pain as you are in, that was beautiful. i have felt that way so many times but never had the strength or talent to write it out the way you do.

as you've said, this WILL pass. you WILL feel better. it may take a minute or it may take months, but things will get better because they HAVE to. its the human condition, you know? things will balance out.

are you safe? PM if you need to vent to someone. ill be around!

[puzzclar]

As you said this to shall pass, and it will!! That's the brightest point in your post thine. I'm glad your at least letting some of it out here, it will help, just give it time. I know you can stop, but your just not ready to, yet. Give your self time. Things will get better!! Keep on letting us know how you are doing, we care about you.

The question for a long time is whether you want to do what is takes to commit to getting better rather than engaging in unhealthy activities that solve nothing.

[Sannah]

I hear you wanting to punish yourself? A lot of stuff going on?

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by jennaorgana

hey thine... how are you doing right now?

this may sound stupid, but as much pain as you are in, that was beautiful. i have felt that way so many times but never had the strength or talent to write it out the way you do.

as you've said, this WILL pass. you WILL feel better. it may take a minute or it may take months, but things will get better because they HAVE to. its the human condition, you know? things will balance out.

are you safe? PM if you need to vent to someone. ill be around!

Right now I'm doing alright. Thanks for asking.
Yes, it passes. The trouble is it comes back again. And again. And again.
I am safe. I don't cut deeply.

Originally Posted by puzzclar

As you said this to shall pass, and it will!! That's the brightest point in your post thine. I'm glad your at least letting some of it out here, it will help, just give it time. I know you can stop, but your just not ready to, yet. Give your self time. Things will get better!! Keep on letting us know how you are doing, we care about you.

Thank-you for your kindness I appreciate it.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

The question for a long time is whether you want to do what is takes to commit to getting better rather than engaging in unhealthy activities that solve nothing.

You are right. And the truth is I DON'T want to do that. I am terrified. But I think that's what I should do. I don't know if I can believe I am strong enough.

Originally Posted by Sannah

I hear you wanting to punish yourself? A lot of stuff going on?

No, not really. Not on the outside. I hate myself for THIS though. This whole stupid mess that I created. I feel like that warrents punishment.

Again, I'm sorry. I need to push through this somehow, but I'm deseperatly trying not to move.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

I hate myself for THIS though. This whole stupid mess that I created. I feel like that warrents punishment.

Again, I'm sorry. I need to push through this somehow, but I'm deseperatly trying not to move.

This is what you need to work through, whatever is there. This is what you could work through in therapy.

How are you doing today, thine_self_untrue?

[thine_self_untrue]

Alright. I have not cut yet today and it is Noon, which is a good day for me. I wish I wanted to stop. I hope someday soon I will

Good for you, t_s_u. How about today?

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Good for you, t_s_u. How about today?

Decided to cut for no reason in particular this morning. Worse was all the things I told myself while I was doing it.

"If you want to be creative, stay in part a child, with the creativity and invention that characterizes children before they are deformed by adult society".

Jean Piaget

Piaget was a French psychologist whose teachings are sometimes abridged to postulate children will learn when they are ready to. Piaget pointed out that children may enjoy learning, but may not enjoy what is being taught. It is a sad testament that creativity for some is diminished by education, deforming the child in Piaget's opinion.

I have wondered if Piaget's theory might also apply to adults? I expect so. Sometimes when the days are hard the creativity of a child might well be useful. That creativity may help people who are ready to learn to find a path out of their malaise.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

Worse was all the things I told myself while I was doing it.

The things that you were telling yourself are clues to why you did it.

How are you doing, thine_self_untrue?

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

How are you doing, thine_self_untrue?

I don't know how to answer honestly. Still self harming, very lonely and even more confused.

[KeepHoldingOn]

((((((((((thine))))))))) hang in there sweetie, it'll get better....