[puzzclar]

Well, I slipped. I did SI over the weekend, and physicaly I'm fine except for a little pain but, what else is new. But I think it was because of how much I feel that I have to do in 5 weeks, all before college starts for the new semester. I recently found a car, my dad found a job, my parents are moving after I go to school, I have to pack up my room, I have to devide what I take, I have a midterm to take, I have 2 assignments and final left to do in 5 weeks. And I don't know where to begin. But I did SI.... I had lack of sleep last week, and a lot going on. Stayed up until 6am then slept until 3pm then went back to bed at 11pm woke up at 4am. That could have taken a toll on the mental side. GRRRR

[paintingravens]

It's ok. You slipped up. It happens. To all of us. Just get back up and try again.

And I know it's stressful, TRUST me, but just remember, you don't have to tackle everything at once. Take things one thing at a time, and don't worry about all you have left to do. Worry only about the now, focus on the present. Besides, it's not yet even the end of March. You still have time. Just don't get caught procrastinating, cuz that'll bite you in the *** later.
One thing at a time. And don't forget to occasionally take some time off to rest. The brain needs a vacation every once in a while... sleep is good too.

[Sannah]

Puzzclar, 5 weeks is plenty of time to get that done. Have you gotten started yet?

[angie2716]

Its ok! You've done so good. Hopefully once you get everything done it will all be ok. And we are all here for you! Pm me if you ever wanna talk! Hugs!

[puzzclar]

Sannah- I have no idea where to begin. All I know is I have test to take in the next week, and I"m not sure when I will take it. I've been hoping for about a week now, but just haven't yet.

And the list continues I don't know where to start in packing and deciding. I just have a hard time getting STARTED on the stuff I need to get done. Not to mention preparing for my sister to get home and celebrate her and dad's birthday. I have so much too do, but it's just too overwellming. I wish life was like an invetory, it's so simple someone else plans it out for you, and all you have to do is work. But that wont happen.

[Sannah]

How about writing down everything that you need to get done and then after you list it, write down the steps for everything after each entry? Finally, put the list in the order of what to do first. Is this test the first thing that you have to do? Do you need to study for it still? Can you start going through your things and decide what to take? What are you going to do with the rest of your stuff that you aren't taking?

[puzzclar]

The list did help some, but it's having time at the house to get things done. I feel like I've had a dozen or so calls already from realtors trying to shop people the house, but It takes a lot of time away from things I need to do at home.

On the bright side, I did take the test, and will get results later this week/next week.

On the other side though, at work my equipment had problems, and I had to hit it aganst my hand inorder for it to work. (a small case of SI) It was either hit an object or hit it against my hand which was faster, so I did both depending on where I was in the count. But still, my hands both hurt from work, and I get to go to work more and can do it easily with out Serious danger. (I good trade off but, still Fustrating)

[Lacer Vita]

I'm glad you got the test out of the way. And . We all slip sometimes. And we all get overwhelmed, also... I have great difficulties in the overwhelm department, myself. You are not alone!

Would it help to figure what item needs to be finished first, and do that one thing to completion... and then pick the next thing that needs to be done? That may help you prioritize a bit.

[Sannah]

Yah, congrats on marking that off your list!

[jennaorgana]

stress is such a trigger. you know that.... things will get better once the stress subsides.

im jealous of your car!!! eek, i am carless and lonely....

[puzzclar]

Well, I found that it is one more reason not to do the things I've done in the past, but more of a reason at the same time for SI, It's weird. But I never realized how much stress there would be for selling a house, OH MY, there has been at least a DOZEN calls to show the house, the number of times I have had to step out is at least 2 times a day. ITS INSANE!!! And since people can ring the doorbell and come in SI is out of the question. no mater how much the urges get. But I keep thinking of what I could do, to ancedentaly SI but still, can't quite do it, for fear of someone walking in, that does not know the situation. (It will be the same thing that happens while I live on my own.) But on the birght side I Do have PC when I loss my T and Pdoc at the same time, and have to find a new PDoc. But the greater chalnge is to find a T that specilzies in EMDR or In Energy Psychology. and I'm going to a small town with not much around as far as mental help, but may be in the next town a half hour away, maybe help will be there. AGGGGG So much to do, and I feel like there is not enough time to do every thing that needs to be done. And only so much will/desire to get things done. GRRRR

[Sannah]

[puzzclar]

And to add to everything, I feel very Fuzzy. That's the only way to say it. I know that there is something more wrong, but I don' know if that really is true. I do know, that even though i want to cut, I'm always STOPPED by myself. I'm just afriad now to be left alone, and I'm alone a lot. What is going to happen if i'm in another place in my mind and i buy something sharp. what's going to happen then, am I going to give in to the urges, and just do it, join the rest of you that cut, instead of the minority that do other things. What am I going to do to feel ALIVE? I feel very numb and fuzzy, and I don't know what really is oging on anymore. What is this that makes it this way?? When will relieve happen. And the worst thing is I want to stop trying, and just fail. Things are not looking good.

[Sannah]

Puzz, what feelings are you needing to deal with that led to this fuzziness?

[puzzclar]

I've just felt EXTREMELY Anxious, and ended up taking a Clonazpam to see if it would help, it did but it ended up causing the fuzziness.

What lead to the axious feeling, most likely going off a medication. Since it's been happening everyday, since. I'm not sure what else to do. Something's got to give, or somethings going to happen to me.

[puzzclar]

I did slip again but, it wasn't all of me. It was Hill, the violent alter, So now I just have to accept her, and then do things that are better for me. (meaning focus on the things that I need to do, like pack, work out, play music) I think I better try and be off the computer sooner than 3-4 hours later. and to not quit either

[puzzclar]

Distractions are the only thing that stops Hill from being so violent, but there's a part of me that wants to find something to use, that will cut the skin. ARRRRRR what do I really need to do. The good news is I do have an appointment with my T today, hopefully that will help, but there's sooooooooo much that needs to be discussed but, I just don't know what should be first. The SI is important to talk about but the anxiety is gettin closer to being a panic attack. So both are important and so conected to each other, it's not even funnny. I've been anxious now since I stopped one medication under recomendations of the doc. I just don't know what to do anymore, I know what Hill wants and I know what the SI does, it gives HER Power over my body, and I just don't want to give it too her. WHAT DO I DO??? What's imortant, when it's coneected to another person inside of me? I just can't take this for to much longer, and who knows what could happen next.

[Sannah]

These sound like very good things to talk over with T. Yes, it sounds like medication changes could certainly do this. Should you call your doc? Change and moving can also make a person anxious and having a lot of things to do can also. Would it help to talk to Hill about what he/she really needs? Please be safe and take care........