[Mike_J]

It’s been a few months sense my last SI event, but that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t become a problem in recent days.

I took Thursday and Friday off of work, sort of a mini vacation, we went to a water park, basically had a good time (my daughter loved it), we didn’t spend the whole weekend there even though I told everyone at work we would be. I have been feeling so down lately that I didn’t want to ruin things for my wife and daughter so I think I overcompensated a bit pretending to have fun, that ticked my wife off a bit until I explained what was going on, then I think she felt real bad, first because I’m in such pain and for coming down on me when I was trying so hard to put up a good front for our daughter.

Did have another problem, my wife is a bit self-conscious about her weight so normally she gets undressed with the lights off so that also means she doesn’t see me without my shirt off with the lights on often. But when I took my shirt off at the water park to get one the rides she immediately noticed some scars that she hadn’t seen before, she was visibly upset but didn’t make do anything to attract our daughter’s attention to the situation. She hasn’t mentioned it sense her initial comments but I don’t think I have heard the last of this. The scar on the lower part of my left elbow is clearly visible but she has never mentioned it, guess she assumed I got it “naturally” but the one on my shoulder isn’t something that I could easily explain as having happened accidentally, not to mention she can tell right away when I’m lying, so why bother to even try. The one on my shoulder is the biggest of my new additions and the most noticeable, not sure if she noticed any of the others or was too focused on that one to see the less noticeable ones.

So I’m busted, once again my weakness, giving into my SI addiction, has caused pain to those I love.

[puzzclar]

One good thing, you know that they love you, even if you do SI. But I still think you can get over the addiction. It will be hard but, it can be done. Being Busted can help to overcome the addiction, becuase of seeing the pain in the faces of those that we love. I think seeing the pain in their faces actually helps.

And I have to thank you for helping me to stop, I don't want my future spouse to see the scars. So I thank you for that, but I also encourage you to stop the SI Addiciton tonight (tomorrow what ever you want to call 12 AM) Just do the right thing, tell the truth about it, and things may be hard for a little bit, but they will improve. Good luck.

[Katileena]

It's so hard to face a loved one when they see a scar. I will never, ever forget the pain and hurt in my parents faces when they found out I cut myself. That memory has scared me into never telling them that I didn't stop, or letting them see the full extent of my self harm (i.e. the 100 something scars on my legs). It's an unbearable thought for me. My mom has some idea, but if my dad ever found out...god help me I don't think I could handle it. Thus I prevent myself from having fun, enjoying summer swimming, etc. just to wear pants and cover up my scars. I hate it, but I caused this...I have to deal with the consequences.

So I guess the best solution is to stop, and let our bodies heal, and as the scars fade so will the pain in our loved one's eyes. I hope you're doing ok Mike.

[Sannah]

[michelle421]

i'm sorry to hear you had to experience that, mike. that must have been hard... i know i never want to hurt my loved ones with my SI. but... i have to remind myself, they really do care about me - it's just that they don't always understand my pain. they don't want us to be hurting.

do you ever talk to her about your SI struggles? it sounds like she was at least a little bit more understanding of how you were feeling when you let her know that you were just trying to make it a good time for your family. but i know that can be a struggle.

i hope you are doing ok. try to do something nice for yourself... i think you deserve it.