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#1
Oct 03, 2010, 12:14 AM
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Today I had a really bad time.
I pray it's because my special friend (monthly) is visiting now. I did some si behaviors again. It's because I hate myself so much and feel like such a stupid person. I chatted with some ppl though just now and am coming out of it. I call these si times "fugues" because it seems like I am *not* myself when they are happening. This is my first time on this particular forum. I don't si as much as I used to but I still do. And today was just awful. And it's so hard when I don't have any access to therapy (making too little or too much money) Billi
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The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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#2
Oct 03, 2010, 02:20 AM
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Do you understand what leads up to these fugues?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Oct 03, 2010, 05:39 PM
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Sorry you had a bad day Billi.
 Have you considered maybe doing online therapy? It's pretty cheap usually. Do you have any idea what your triggers are?
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#4
Oct 04, 2010, 12:51 PM
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I have done online therapy, you can go to my profile and read my posts about my experiences with it. They were not good.
I also can't find any online that is cheap yet. I do understand what leads me to the fugues---feeling re-traumatized again by childhood abuse. Usually I go into these fugues when I perceive myself once again as a "bad" person. And this is usually when I make a mistake of any kind. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#5
Oct 04, 2010, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
You feel that you cannot make mistakes?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Oct 05, 2010, 12:38 PM
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yes.
I was not allowed to be imperfect, growing up. If I went under a B in school or misbehaved or committed any faux pas, i was severly criticised and even sometimes threatened with disownment or death. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#7
Oct 05, 2010, 02:56 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Oct 07, 2010, 01:06 PM
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sometimes I can, sometimes I can't.
B.
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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