This sounds insane, but I am frustrated that my choice of SI is not working for me. Hitting myself with a (rubber) hammer 100 times a shot, 5-10 times per day, in a fit of rage is releasing anger, but not leaving behind the 'marks' I want to see.

I want to see bruising! That is insane, but I want to see my pain. I want it to be visible. I don't just want to feel it! I am thinking of using a belt or something. Anything that will leave a visual sign that I can see.

I WANT TO SEE MY PAIN! I am tired of only feeling it!

[Winter Moon]

Haha, this is the only thing that's stopped me from picking up a knife. I need to see the blood, but don't want physical pain as well as emotional pain.

You don't want to start this. You don't want the constant worry. "What if -person here- sees?" Among others.

When you start needing to see the blood while you're out and about in public and can't cover it up with a sleeve after you rip it open again, because you don't want to ruin your shirt.

You run the risk of getting it infected.

You'll regret the scars it leaves.

Talk over what you're feeling with a therapist. Counselor. Anyone. Consider anti-depressants, or upping the dose. Anything but this. Self injury is the first step to being dangerously suicidal, I think. And you don't want to go down that road. We don't want you to go down it.


Stay safe, okay?

[puzzclar]

Try drawing a picture of that pain, if you want to see blood then draw blood.

It's an idea at least, and it's more controlable, and you don't have to worry about people seeing what you are doing, becuase it means nothing to them and everything to you.

[thine_self_untrue]

One way of coping that was recommended to me was to draw what you wanted to do, like Puzzclar said. So I drew my arm. And then I had a party with the red pen. This isn't the healthiest way of thinking or the most constructive of ways to cope, but it definately beats actually hurting yourself.