The New Year Resolution

I have never made a resolution at new years in my life. I think its time to make one. A goal.

I came across this thought when I realize how much damage id done to myself. Mentally, emotionally and physically.

I dont study and dont pay attention in class. I fail and feel anxious and stressed and depressed. I begin to loathe myself completely and hate evrything about me. Then I SI.

My goal is not to work harder, or stop self harm, or too push away these frustrating emotions.

My goal is too embrace my emotions, find out what is causing me to feel like this and find a way to relieve it.

The second part of my goal is too finally love myself. Love my body, love my scars, love my past and love who I am. Too accept myself. To feel loved by myself. I think if I loved myself as much as I can love. I think I would be much happier. Love my stretch marks because they won`t leave me and contain the story of my childhood bullying and weight issues and eating problems. Too help others love them too. To love my scars because they carry the story of unresolved issues and hidden emotions. I want to love my scars and share with other to help them not hide behind masks of pain. I want to love myself, so I can remember every painful, wrong, regrettable, good and life changing things in my life so I can love who I have become and what has gotten me here, to this moment.

I want to love my past, the regrets and the memories I want to cherish forever, so I can begin to love whatever is to come in my future. If I can my love my future before it happens, when it becomes the past, I won;t have to work so hard, and love myself to the maximum limit, where I won`t be afraid to express myself, share my stories, dress how I want to, eat what I want to and to help others learn to love themselves.

Truthfully, this might take a long time, but I want to start now. I want to learn to love so I can help people love, in the right way. You can`t truly love unless you can love yourself first.

I hope this inspires people. You may try it and fail. I may try and fail, but I will be happy to remember that even if it last 1, or 2 days, Or 1 or 2 weeks, Or months or years, that, the time I spent loving myself, is time that I will never get back and remember forever because it will have been time well spent.

Always remember your never alone. Those who smile may be lying, but at least their trying. Fake the smile, because your mind can`t tell the difference and you will smile because you want to. So smile all the time, when you cry, when your angry and especially when your happy because you will trick your brain to be happy, and you will be happy.

I always remember, no matter what, even if you`re the only one going through it, doesn`t mean someone hasn`t gone through it and beaten it.

My names Hillary. Im 16 years old, and I`m ready to change for the better.

So dance like no one`s watching, and love like you`ve never been hurt, because if u linger and regret, you won`t ever be able to enjoy and love.

Amazing job ;-) take it day by day!

Hang in there! I know you can do it