I hate my life and all that I've made of it. This farce called Thanksgiving only brings hurt and pain. I am only invited to make things seem normal. It's only my imagination that I am hated by the family. Of course it is.....I've always had an overactive imagination and have always been "too sensitive",whatever the hell that means.
I hate all the damage I have done over my lifetime.I can't undo any of it. I hate the daily conflict and the dread I feel on waking up. I'm sick to death of being tolerated;never loved by family. I'm sick to death of people telling me that it's all in my mind. I'm sick to death of living. FML

[Sannah]

You still have contact with your family?

Originally Posted by Sannah

You still have contact with your family?

I do have contact. There is no other option for me. I can't really explain why so that anyone understands though. My children prevented it at first. (not having contact) After being told by my brother that the family was disfunctional, and it was my fault, he proceded to tell me 101 ways I have done horrible things to the family. Evidently he got my sil in on it also. I have been the scapegoat all my life;that won't change.

[Sannah]

Toxic families need to be avoided for your mental health.

That's what I've been told by others and my T, Sannah.
I tried to get distance from them. If I want to see my own children, I must keep contact. They won't understand the disfunction and will not risk hurting my mother . Believe me, I've tried.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Toxic families need to be avoided for your mental health.

Dear Calista + 12,
I'm bipolar & until recently have stayed pretty much in that forum. Lately I've been roaming, though, & am getting to know some of your story from the posts. Your friends obviously care a lot about you & give you good advice. I've never though I had anything worth adding. But now maybe I do, just a little bit.

You say you have to maintain contact with your family if you want to see your children. You also describe what being with your family does to you--you are dismissed and ridiculed, leaving you worse off than before.

Now consider your visits from your children's points of view. Each time you come, you're worse than you were before. You are diminishing before their eyes. What do they make of that? Maybe they think you don't really want to be there.

I'm speculating, except about your diminishing in their eyes.

Sannah's comment is true. Maybe, just maybe, it would be better for you & your children if you didn't go to see them for a while.

Yes, I know--impossible. But think of it from their side. Wouldn't it be better for you to take some time to work on you? Maybe work with a T on all these negatives your family throws at you. Let your children see a healthier you.

Sorry to run on so long. My family was a lot like yours. I say "was" because I disowned them after my mom died & they said or hinted that I was responsible because I'd moved so far away. Two people even mentioned it at her memorial!