[WantingtoHeal]

Hi there. Not sure if I've posted on this forum before. Have posted on other forums, though.

May be triggering ...talk about cutting........guess that's what this place is for???



I'm not exactly sure what my deal is today. It's kind of strange, really. I'm not aware of feeling bad, exactly. I do plan on cutting in a little while. Nothing too deep, just enough to make a mark and get it done. I don't even know why. I have a therapy session today and it's as if I want to show her what I've done, like something to be proud of. I'm not particularly anxious or angry or anything. I don't know what I am. I just need to get it done. Everything seems very calm. I don't think I particularly care. We didn't make a contract last week. So it goes.

[Sannah]

You will talk to your therapist about this today so that you 2 can figure it out?

[WantingtoHeal]

Hi Sannah, yes, I think I will. I really have no idea what I'm going to say to her today. It's one of those floating days. I did go ahead and cut in 3 different places, but not too deep. It really hurt to be honest. That was annoying. I'm not used to it hurting, normally I'm so removed. Thank you for writing.

[WantingtoHeal]

I had my session. Told her I cut and showed her. She mentioned the hospital but wasn't
Sure about it. Wants me to try writing letters this week instead of cutting. I didn't do a good
job of talking today. Was all over the place and made little sense. Wasn't able to be really open
or honest. That sucks. I go back friday. Maybe I will do better then.

[WantingtoHeal]

Feels like I need to cut again. Running out of hidden places on my body.I write words like
bad and die. I don't know why I am not choosing the healthy outlets. Maybe tomorrow
will be different.

[Sannah]

Can you call your T?

[WantingtoHeal]

I'm not sure if I can call her or not. I could leave her a msg. It's another day now. The urge is still there, but I made it through the night. I see her Friday. I think I'm doing it to get her attention. Then that makes me want to do it more to punish myself for wanting her attention and being so needy. WIsh I could just say these things to her. Need to try. Need to be honest. So afraid of being exposed as an awful person. I don't think I can do the therapy homework assignment this week. Not sleeping well. Running to the bathroom a lot with upset stomach. Not eating much.

Thanks for reading Sannah

[Sannah]

I really hope that you can be honest with her. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and being needy. People who are like this have valid reasons for being this way. You can't fix anything that you won't bring out into the open. Letting your T know is the first step to solving the issue.

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I really hope that you can be honest with her. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and being needy. People who are like this have valid reasons for being this way. You can't fix anything that you won't bring out into the open. Letting your T know is the first step to solving the issue.

Thank you so much Sannah for your responses. I am going to try again to talk about it on Friday in therapy. I have managed to make it through the day so far without cutting.

[Sannah]

Good work! and you're welcome.