[HALLIEBETH87]

I dont know how I feel right now. I havent si'd in FOUR YEARS! FOUR! But it seems off and on the last year I have struggled with urges. I flipping did it tonight. At work I scratched myself with a pushpin but it didnt satisy me! Tonight I used a 3 blade razor and 5 red lines has ruined it.

The fact that it had been 4 years is all that stopped me from cutting. I decided at work to give up. I dont care about anything right now and I hate it. BAH!

Im supposed to go talk to a pastoral counselor tomorrow who my preacher friend sent me to. Ive seen him before when I was having urges but didnt do anything and told his straight up when he asked me that I wasnt going to. I dontknow what I am going to say or what he'll say. BAh

[ManicDad]

I'm so sorry that happened tonight. I did a ridiculous amount of si back in my teens and quit for something like 10 years. I used to trace the scars with a pen and one night, that wasn't enough for me anymore and I went right back to it. Ten years and it was like nothing had changed. It's still something I struggle with to this day.

I know how it feels to think you've really licked it and then it just comes back, but this doesn't make you a bad person or weak. It means you're human and things just got to you today. My best advice is go see the pastoral counselor. remember that he is not going to judge you and you shouldn't feel funny saying anything to him. He's here to help you and he cares about you.

You had a moment of weakness. It's alright. You will be just fine. Just remember that you are not alone, that you can overcome this and that many people care about you.

Peace.

[Sannah]

Did you cut because you are nervous about your appt.?

[HALLIEBETH87]

I dontknow. I just felt like I needed to do it even thought I know a million reasons why I shouldnt or why it doesnt work etc but still