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  #1  
Old Apr 28, 2006, 05:43 AM
sujunew's Avatar
sujunew sujunew is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Posts: 941
My arm is such a mess
I can't stop hurting myself
I have hurt Chloe so badly
I will never be able to make it up to her
How do you explain her being put in foster care and not her sister
Her not being allowed to be at home with me, her mother
So I have to make the pain
To punish myself for the hell she is living
For the hell she has lived in
She is just a child
Not capable of tuning out from all the BS
Got what is on my arm currently dressed today
1 nurse said it was infected, the other said it's not
But it's dressed anyway
Thought the dressing would be good as it covers most of the area that I prefer to use
But the urge is so great, and I am barely here I dissociate so easily
I know for a fact I will wake in the morning with a new scsar somewhere on me.
Someone was watching out for me at the supermarket yeasterday.
Had blades on the belt, but got the total rung up before it went thru
Had already blown my budget
So didn't get them
THANK GOODNESS
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I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!!


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  #2  
Old Apr 28, 2006, 11:50 AM
cherybery's Avatar
cherybery cherybery is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 411
Good for you irish! I can somewhat relate to the foster care thing. Do not beat yourself up for doing what is probably one of the best decisions you made, as well as the toughest. I bet at the time it was not easy. I have 3 kids and they do not live with me. It totally breaks my heart BUT I know I made my decision for their well being, not mine.
BIG HUGS!
Cher
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[b]If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.[b]
-Catherine Aird
 Failed again, and not able to stop
  #3  
Old Apr 29, 2006, 01:40 AM
sujunew's Avatar
sujunew sujunew is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2006
Posts: 941
My mind iss consumed
Pay back , pay back, pay back
Need to feel
Can't feel emotional pain
Want to feel physical pain
Only thoughts, ALL the time
SI SI SI SI
Can't escape them
Can't hide from them
Can't supress them
Can't STOP them
Distractions not working
Totally consumed bt this world of SI thoughts, and actions to come  Failed again, and not able to stop  Failed again, and not able to stop  Failed again, and not able to stop  Failed again, and not able to stop  Failed again, and not able to stop  Failed again, and not able to stop
__________________
I know that behind every grey cloud there is a silver lining; I just need to be patient enough to find it!!!

  #4  
Old Apr 30, 2006, 01:25 AM
muffled1 muffled1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2006
Posts: 11
yeah, sucks.
try and go 15 mins at a time, and distractuin is good for me
but allus seems to come back.
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